i have bitten the bullet and told ss my ds can't come home :(

[whohasnickedmyvodka]

My 16 year ds has adhd ,post traumatic stress disorder,self harms and has been physically mentally and verbally abusive towards myself my dp and my 8 yr dd for the past few years.Last year I had a breakdown and tried to commit suicide as I couldn't cope with the abuse and stress the running away staying out for days on end not knowing where he was , cutting his arms with knives in front of my dd stealing living screaming abuse at all of us , headbutting me ,trying to rebreak my broken leg,refusing to follow the most basic of rules,attacking my dp ,kicking off and smashing his room and other things in the house over the smallest of things .He is staying with my parents but they cannot cope anymore(he has been there 2weeks and it was his choice) he wants to come home but his behaviour is as bad as it has ever been.Since he has been gone my dd is so much happier we have been able to do normal things with her that she has never done before,she is finally sleeping all night as she isn't scared .I still love my ds but just can't mentally and physically cope

Great news!

An update for you all my parents threw my ds out yesterday because they can't cope the sw called me and demanded I take my ds back and I said no unless I get written proof that my ds wouldn't hurt my dd they said no so I deadlocked the door and refused to open it . Today my ds claimed he took an overdose all the tests showed he didn't he then told chams he did it to make me suffer sorry to drip feed there is a thread in in chat from yesterday don't know how to link and legal or sw around help needed asap

I have just had my dad come around again he has just said that my dd teacher coming to see us was illegal and she shouldn't have told me her concerns about her physiological well being with what she has seen my ds do my dad has said that the teacher is now being investigated by social services and my ds head of pastoral care I don't know if I can take any more stress I physically and mentally can't do it

I have just had to sign the paperwork to put my ds in foster care I'm in bits :( :( :( :(

Though I suspect you really need and later some

Oh you poor thing

You are doing the best thing for both of your children though, it sounds like foster care is the only way to keep them both safe

Why have your parents kicked him out? Surely if they can't cope with him that means you can't either

Thanks slug I have started already I can't stop crying still I just feel as I have let him down so much :( :( :( :(

You haven't let him down!

Believe me what you have done is the best for all of you including your son.
This way the system is forced to recognise his problems and give him some help. The SWs would rather you took him back and shut up, so they save money and resources - which to be fair they don't have enough of.

You can't cope with him, your DD can't cope with him around, and even your parents couldn't cope. Maybe if someone had helped you years ago it wouldn't have come to this, but they didn't and it has. It is not you who should feel guilty, the system should.

I just feel so guilty I can't help it yes I have begged for help for years and got nothing I just feel so useless and shit because I gave up :( :( :( :( :(

and for you. Most people, me included, could not know how horrific you feel. It must be an awful awful decision to make. But you know deep down it was the right choice. Just a piece of advice though, keep away from your parents - they sound vile and your poor DD doesn't need anyone else like that around her.

My dad came up when I signed and was really nice and said he would hate to do what I had to do but it was the right thing my mum came up after work and made me feel even worse and then told me to stop crying and being upset and it was all my fault any way :( :( :( :(

I hope you are getting things sorted. It's like banging your head against a brick wall. Have you tried to get help from your GP? Stand your ground though, you owe it to your daughter to try and give her a 'normal' childhood and family life. Also at the moment there are people better equipped to provide help and support to your son. I wish you luck. My thoughts are with you.