When my teens have their own homes I shall.

[dontcallmemam]

Leave my shoes right by the door so it can't open
Switch the tv on then walk out of the room
Lie on the sofa, remove 1 sock & leave it there
Shout at them from the other end of the house
Sneer at whatever they're cooking
Have major full-on rolling about fights on the floor with DH swearing loudly
Shout 'I'm staaarving, there's nothing decent to eat in this house'
Leave damp towels on the bed/floor/landing

Can't wait!

When DD leaves and gets he own place, I shall tell her I have a great job miles out of town thisevening, that starts at 7pm.

Then, at 6:30, I will declare that there are no buses running that way and can she take me.

As i get out of the car, I will breezily say "DD...There are no buses after 10, so could you collect me at 1:30am please" - and I shall ensure that I am not at the meeting place at 1:30, and instead make her wait an additional 10 minutes in the cold. Oh and I shall not offer any thanks or petrol money.

When DS1 leaves him, I shall respond to any request with "FFS, stop having a go at me". I shall eat every single thing in the house, leaving empty wrappers in cupboards and fridges, and complain that there's no food in the house. I shall suggest that he uses online shopping to replenish the fridge if he cannot manage to go out to the shops - again. (I shall particularly like doing this if he is a virtual single dad with 5 kids)

And yes to the piles of lightly worn washing arriving back in the wash basket. WIth a lot of the still folded stuff as well.

Oh and I shall go swimming and leave my towel and swim suit in the bag for at least 3 weeks, hidden under the bed until the wntire room smells like cats piss.

I shall go back to uni after Christmas, refuse to communicate with home except by occasional Snapchat, and then text my dd repeatedly at midnight because I have found a 1mm diameter spot of uneven coloration on my back and I'm worried it might be a malignant melanoma.

And I shall spend an hour in the bathroom spitting toothpaste all over the sink, use the shower for an eternity, leave the shampoo and conditioner bottles on their sides with the tops open so the leak all over the base therefore the next person in the shower breaks their neck, I will use a clean towel EVERY time and leave the pile of 9 on my bedroom floor, when I clean my room I will leave a big bin bag outside the bedroom door for the housework fairy to move, when clothes no longer fit I will do the same, I will try and put at least 3 bags there so no one can get to the bathroom without moving/falling over them. I will stuff my face with snacks when I get in, ask what's for tea then moan when I get a reply, I will take an age to come to the table when called for said Tea then only eat half because I'm already stuffed from the crap I ate when I got in, I will only grunt because my phone and iPod are glued to my hands and I might miss one of my friends tweeting about about how shit their life is too!. Oh and if I get really pissed off I will run and tell my Dad how I hate living here. Grrrrrr

Have you been watching the new series of Outnumbered?

I will come in, look pained in response to any questions about my day, and ignore any comments directed at me 'because I had my earphones in'. I shall then complain loudly that no-one told me about dinner/time to go out etc etc.

I shall decide on a weekly, preferably daily basis, that I have a new food hate, and therefore will not be eating the meal that until last week/yesterday was my favourite. Often leaving mentioning this until after it's cooked and on the table.

I shall complain endlessly that there is nothing to eat. I shall combine this with eating the contents of all the cupboards and leaving the dirty plates/bowls/cups in my room, and dirty utensils etc all over the kitchen. So the house-cleaning fairy can rinse cans and put them in recycling, put dirty stuff in the sink, wash it, dry it, put other waste in the bin, clean the surfaces, pick stuff off the floor and bring said plates down.

No idea what we'd do without the house-cleaning fairy.

Needless to say, like others on here, all my stuff shall lie in random locations on the floor around the house. Bathrooms shall be occupied and the floor left soaking and damp towels left wherever they fall.

I shall have great fun demanding money/ingredients etc with no notice at all, and when this is commented on, I shall meet objections with loud complaints and plentiful eye-rolling.

I shall also wear VERY SHORT SKIRTS and dodgy eye make-up.
Wink:

Oh yes the ironing thing!
I shall leave all of my clean clothes on the floordrobe, then when the pile gets messed up as I have walked over it/ kicked it in my way past, I shall heap some of it into the wardrobe to get it out of the way, with some dirty clothes mixed in that I have dropped on the top (this will make sure that all of my clothes smell manky.) The rest, I shall put into the linen basket as I can't be bothered to put it away. I will act very surprised when it is pointed out to me that said clothes have clearly never been worn since they were washed.
I will, of course, also drag things out if the wardrobe / drawers so that everything left behind looks like it's never seen an iron and my mum couldn't give a stuff about how I look....

When I go out for the evening I will make sure that ALL the house lights are on as i leave. Even in rooms that are rarely used. The resulting glow will be visible from space.

I said this and now my eldest has her own place I drop her food off and sometimes pop in to tidy round when she's working a crappy run if shifts

Leave lights on when I leave the room
not hang the bathroom towel up properly but leave it in a crumpled heap on the floor
open all cupboards and fridge while complaining about there being no food
leave wet towels on the floor
leave shoes in the middle of the hall for people to fall over
Use all the cups/glasses over the course of a day instead of using the same one over and over again.

I'll be smiling and wonderful and charming for five minutes. Your heart will sing. Then I'll get down to business and ask you for a favour. I might turn sulky again if this doesn't work.

I'll phone them at work to ask where my keys/wallet/black trousers are, then I'll make toast and honey and get drops of honey all over the work tops and on every handle in the house.

I will slam doors at an innocent request, leave wet towels, dirty clothes, cup, plates, in fact anything that shouldn't be there in my bedroom floor, refuse to eat my perfectly acceptable meal and fill up on any junk food I can find, including other siblings sweet/treats they had been saving, and generally just answer in either a grunt or a full on shouty argument.

Oh, and I shall also empty 1/2 a bottle of bubble bath into the bath every time, and when there is none left, I shall use hair shampoo, mums expensive stuff she was given as a gift, in fact anything expensive I can find, without having to resort to fairy liquid, and I shall complain bitterly when people refuse to buy more for me to waste in a similar manner saying they don't care if I am clean or not!

I shall sneak in to my Ds home at night and scatter his Die Cast Thomas Tank trains everywhere so when/if he gets up in the night he will stand on them .
I will also leave handprints on everything & draw some lovely artwork on their newly decorated walls.

I have no idea how to get towels and bathmats as wet as my teenagers, mine is only really a bit damp when I have finished with it.
Do they actually drop them in the bath?

yourlittlesecret, you have to get in and out of the bath several times to fetch the things that you forgot, that are absolutely essential to your bath time enjoyment!

Also - put the scrambled egg pot straight in the dishwasher to ensure the eggs get thoroughly baked on to the pot despite my DD repeatedly explaining that the dishwasher is not a miracle worker.

I will turn up with 3 friends ,trudge into their kitchens with my outdoor shoes on ,we will open the fridge door and stare vacantly at the contents for ages!

I suspect I now know why my Dad enjoys sneaking into my house, borrowing my tools from the shed and then not returning them

DH and I will let ourselves in in the middle of the night and proceed to make ourselves cheese on toast. The following afternoon we'll expect to be praised for taking our dirty dishes through to the kitchen and placing them near the dishwasher before we went to bed.

I will go out on a mid week night (making sure they are working the next day). I will not be contactable by text or phone and I will arrive home at 4.30am. The next day, when they are mad at me,I will tell them that they need to "chill".

I will only agree to empty half the dishwasher.

I shall be converting my bedroom into a walk-in floordrobe. In my floordrobe I shall have an eclectic mix of filthy clothes, a burst beanbag, clean and ironed clothes (although not very many of them as I won't bother putting any used clothes into the wash any more often than once every six months). I'm also going to wear each pair of my underdaks for a week and then make a nice display of them on top of my filthy clothes.

Round the edges of my floordrobe, I'm going to make a display of empty drink cans and bottles along with empty sweet wrappers.

Plant life? Oh yes, I shall display my plant life (aka mould) in mugs, glasses, etc. whatever I can lay my hands on.

My curtains will be half-ripped off the curtain rail, to add an edginess to the display. The said walk-in floordrobe won't actually be "walk-in" as there will be so many items of detrius art installations that I won't be able to open the door any more than 9 inches from the wall....

Hope you're impressed with my teenage shit tip lovely bedroom....

I will sleep with my windows open and curtains drawn open. Even in the middle of winter. As that's how someone else will have left them when trying to tidy up a bit. Too much hassle to do anything about it.

i shall sleep naked and complain that my bedroom is too cold.

And I will make a papiermache model ont he new oak dining room table with no covering on it, let PVA glue/water mix drip onto the new wool mix carpet, and when some one goes mad at the mess, blame them and say it was their fault as they were not there to help them set up/make the model for thier school project, because they had the temerity to be at work all day!