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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

I feel like leaving home

198 replies

Doinmummy · 27/01/2014 23:43

DD15 nearly 16 has been very difficult( think drugs, police, violence etc) she has been so good the last few months though.

However, in order to keep the peace I have found myself tiptoeing around her. Thinking twice about what I say , being careful not to even bloody sigh as it can set her off into a screaming fit. I'm sitting here tonight thinking ' what the bloody hell am I doing ?' I'm fed up of walking on egg shells just to keep her happy. She asked me if I thought silver hair would suit her. My reply was 'Weeeeell I'm not sure if it would' cue shouting and screaming that I don't care and I think her hair is shit.

I can't carry on like this. I want to leave home( yes seriously ) and see how she gets on without me.

OP posts:
MrsBright · 28/01/2014 07:44

Time for a chat with your GP - about you.

You won't be the first Mum to have tried to manage this sort of situation, and god its wearing. You need some help. Both for you and your basic well-being, and in order to cope with daughter.

Make an appointment today.

Original poster
Doinmummy · 28/01/2014 17:05

I've been down that route, been referred to cahms, had family solutions involved , been to the GP . She's still so hard to live with

OP posts:
Original poster
Doinmummy · 28/01/2014 21:02

DD has just been carted off by the police

OP posts:
RandomMess · 28/01/2014 21:04

Oh dear. Have you read CouthyMow's thread. Getting the police involved has actually got her some long awaited referrals for the help needed...

Original poster
Doinmummy · 28/01/2014 21:08

Yes I have been following that thread. Trouble is I've been through all this before and we've got no where really.

Have been turned down by Cahms 3 times. SS not interested. Had help from Family Solutions. The woman came to see me ( DD was supposed to be present too but never turned up) and it helped a bit.

I wonder if DD I'd taking drugs. This has been brewing for couple of weeks.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 28/01/2014 21:11

Hmm, have you ever refused to have her back home?

TBH I think that is the key. As then SS have to intervene. Either that or go down the complete detached route.

Original poster
Doinmummy · 28/01/2014 21:12

I asked SS to take her away and I really meant it but they refused. I tried detaching tonight but DD had me locked I. The lounge and wouldn't let me out.

OP posts:
Original poster
Doinmummy · 28/01/2014 21:13
  • locked in the lounge. Can't type as I'm shaking so much
OP posts:
RandomMess · 28/01/2014 21:15

Asking them to take her away is not the same as refusing to have her home. Whilst she's still in your house she has a home IYSWIM.

Detaching technique would take time to work.

Hels20 · 28/01/2014 21:21

Doinmummy - are you alone? I do have some understanding of how upsetting and emotional this is for you. Do you have a partner or good friend who can come and be with you?

Lots if hugs.

Original poster
Doinmummy · 28/01/2014 21:23

I am alone . dD doesn't speak to her father. Last time she saw him the police had to be called

OP posts:
morry1000 · 28/01/2014 21:52

I could never call the "Police" on my DD, I really could not. Though when DD has breakdowns its just 10 minute swearing and then she cries herself to sleep. She has told me she is never leaving home and that is fine with me.

RandomMess · 28/01/2014 21:58

morry many parents are the victims of domestic abuse at the hands of their teens...

If you are beaten up by ANYONE I would hope that you would contact the police!

Original poster
Doinmummy · 28/01/2014 22:01

You've no idea Morry

I have started a thread. 'I feel like leaving home'

OP posts:
Original poster
Doinmummy · 28/01/2014 22:03

Oh it's this one !

OP posts:
CouthyMow · 28/01/2014 22:09

Morry, I'm glad that you don't have to deal with a teen as extreme as some are.

With my DD, a 10 minute screaming fit wouldn't even register. My DD can keep it up for 6 hours plus, and sometimes DAYS.

It's the hardest thing ANY parent has to do, if they have to do it, and it's not a decision taken lightly.

CouthyMow · 28/01/2014 22:09

Calling the police, that is.

CouthyMow · 28/01/2014 22:11

Doin, DD was taken from the home twice before and that never got me any help. It's only when I refused to actually have her home that things started moving along.

Do you need to borrow my nerves and balls of steel? Or do you think that it is a step too hard for you to contemplate yet? If you had asked me two weeks ago, I would have said it was too.

PacificDogwood · 28/01/2014 22:11

Doin, would you take the stance that Couthy took, as in "I will not have her back home until appropriate assessment and support is in place" to force SS's hands?
Do you have other children?
This must be so hard SadBrew

ashtrayheart · 28/01/2014 22:12

Morry that's because you've never needed to do it. I've had to do it several times as a last resort. One time was in center parcs Confused
Even hospital staff had to call the police for my daughter when she was trying to throw herself in front of cars after an escorted visit to the dentist!
It's about keeping everyone safe.
Doin, I understand and I hope you're ok x

PacificDogwood · 28/01/2014 22:12

x-post

Balls borrowing? Now I've heard it all Shock

ashtrayheart · 28/01/2014 22:13

And yes, refusing to have them home is unfortunately the only route to accessing help.

CouthyMow · 28/01/2014 22:13

Grin I found balls I didn't know I had. If they need passing on, so be it!

Original poster
Doinmummy · 28/01/2014 22:15

Pass them over Couthy. I don't know what to do. She's been rejected by her dad. What'll happen if I do the same?

OP posts:
Maryz · 28/01/2014 22:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.