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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teenagers

I feel like leaving home

198 replies

Doinmummy · 27/01/2014 23:43

DD15 nearly 16 has been very difficult( think drugs, police, violence etc) she has been so good the last few months though.

However, in order to keep the peace I have found myself tiptoeing around her. Thinking twice about what I say , being careful not to even bloody sigh as it can set her off into a screaming fit. I'm sitting here tonight thinking ' what the bloody hell am I doing ?' I'm fed up of walking on egg shells just to keep her happy. She asked me if I thought silver hair would suit her. My reply was 'Weeeeell I'm not sure if it would' cue shouting and screaming that I don't care and I think her hair is shit.

I can't carry on like this. I want to leave home( yes seriously ) and see how she gets on without me.

OP posts:

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WynkenBlynkenandNod · 29/01/2014 19:29

So they have sent here somewhere where she might be having sex under the age of consent (just) . Good one SS, not exactly Safeguarding is it ......

If you look at Couthy's thread they went down the 'there's nowhere for her to go' then when they realised Couthy wasn't going to cave, suddenly somewhere was found miraculously. It is appalling.

Do you have someone who can be at the meeting tomorrow with you ?

Doinmummy · 29/01/2014 19:36

No I don't have anyone to go with me

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WynkenBlynkenandNod · 29/01/2014 19:38

Did the school safeguarding officer sold pissed off with SS ? If so, maybe you could ask if he could attend ?

Doinmummy · 29/01/2014 20:50

I'll ask. They don't know what time the meeting will be or where it will be held. I don't want it at my house. I think at the school would be best.

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Doinmummy · 29/01/2014 20:51

It means I've got to have the day off work. My boss won't be best pleased

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WynkenBlynkenandNod · 29/01/2014 21:09

Oh dear . I think at School sounds best and if you could speak to them properly before the meeting and try to get them to support you and have a go about her going to Boyfriend's house.

Can you write out notes to refer to before you go in in case you forget anything and make notes as the meets goes along?

CouthyMow · 29/01/2014 21:11

It's awful to see that it's not just my LA that's like this. I could almost discount it as one bad LA in that case. (Unless you ARE in my LA?!)

And to the PP - I am WELL aware, more aware than most, of the difficulties that can be caused by SS intervention, I've had SS involvement myself as a child and when DD was first born. Which is why I didn't take this decision lightly.

Sometimes, though, there is genuinely no other answer.

Amazing to think that a total of 13 years after my very first request for CAHMS involvement, it took just ONE night in FC for it to materialise...

Doin, I don't think you have any other choice but to stand your ground. And they have totally failed in their duty of care towards your DD to have sent her to her boyfriend's, without his mother's permission. Are they not even slightly concerned that they aren't answering their phones?

The safeguarding officer at the school is a good suggestion. Also possibly try your local Parent Partnership officer?

Doinmummy · 29/01/2014 21:17

I'll try and get the 'safeguarding' officer to attend . He's very nice (one of the teachers at school ) but a bit wet. He said to me ' I'm sure all you want is DD back home' I replied' no I don't actually' I think he thinks I'm a bad parent

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Doinmummy · 29/01/2014 21:18

We've been ( I've begged) for a cahms referral 3 times and we've been turned down each time

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WynkenBlynkenandNod · 29/01/2014 21:28

I think maybe explain to him that after 3 failed attempts you see this as the one chance to get a CAHMS referral which you feel she desperately needs and that you can not be subjected to any more violence as you experienced the other night.

That if she just goes home now nothing will change and you will have lost your one chance to get the help your DD desperately needs and has been denied up until now and you're sure he'll agree it is in her best interests now for you to stand firm for everyone's sake. I suspect he hasn't thought it through properly at all.

Doinmummy · 29/01/2014 21:34

We have actually been referred to cahms . Once via GP , twice via school. Cahms say we don't meet their criteria.

I googled it- violence-- check

Drugs-- check

Emotional problems -- check

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WynkenBlynkenandNod · 29/01/2014 22:15

Well seems you do now. Sad it has to get to this stage though. Know you must be feeling really really stressed right now but hang in there. Hope you do manage to get a bit of sleep .

Wibble1999 · 29/01/2014 23:03

Oh dear I've been where you have. Felt I could never reject because the other parent had already done so. Bloody horrid.
It was only the other day I realised that for at least 10 out of the last 15 years I've never wanted to go home because of walking on eggshells to avoid some child kicking off. 10 years of my life wasted because a. Someone else can't deal with their emosions and b.the other patent has a Scott free existence not dealing with sh!t.
Time to start making the other parent's life be as st!t as yours and making them deal with this.

Doinmummy · 30/01/2014 08:27

I agree , her dad has been sorely lacking, financially and emotionally. Unfortunately last time she saw him the police had to be called because if some sort of ' incident' between them

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Doinmummy · 30/01/2014 11:39

Sitting here with a churning stomach STILL waiting for SS to tell me when this meeting is going to be. I think they're stalling for time hoping ill cave in

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CouthyMow · 30/01/2014 11:54

That sounds about right, Doin.

Doinmummy · 30/01/2014 13:33

And waiting

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CouthyMow · 30/01/2014 16:01

Any news from SS yet?

ThingsThatGoBumpInTheNight · 30/01/2014 18:18

They will keep you waiting. Just put one foot in front of the other till then. They're going to be in no rush once they believe the situation is 'safe'

CouthyMow · 30/01/2014 20:11

I would say that they are mistaken in that idea thigh, and that they aren't actuslly discharging a 'duty of care' towards Doin's DD.

How are you now, Doin? Heard anything?

CouthyMow · 30/01/2014 20:11

Where did that thigh come from?! A use my fat fingers, thigh = though.

CouthyMow · 30/01/2014 20:12

A cuse = scuse.

I should give up trying to type now...

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Doinmummy · 30/01/2014 20:50

I've been trying to post on my phone but it won't let me

SS phoned this afternoon , eventually.
They initially asked for mrs R*** . Who is the school safe guarding officer, they can't seem to get thee correct phone number ffs

They will allocate a social worker who is going to see DD at school tomorrow and then come and see me.

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WynkenBlynkenandNod · 30/01/2014 22:03

I've been trying all evening and thought I had been suspended for being a bit blunt on another thread. I agree with Couthy that SS are totally failing in their duty of care. Am on the MN app and hoping this posts ...

Doinmummy · 30/01/2014 22:53

SS said it was my place as her parent to find alternative accommodation for her.

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