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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

16 year old son got visit from police today over allegations from ex girlfriend

121 replies

LadyWottinger · 04/10/2013 20:00

My poor nerves are ripped to shreds after a visit from two coppers today. My 16 year old son rides a moped and was out at the time so you can imagine my thoughts when I saw them through the window.

It turns out his ex girlfriend from more than a year ago is saying that he has inappropriate photos of her on his phone. It was a nasty break up, she was driving him mad with possessiveness, not letting him spend time with his mates and throwing hissy fits so he ended it. After that she started to get nasty, trying to get him into trouble at school. The head of year sorted it all out, having seen it many times before, and that was the last of it. Or so we thought...

He hasn't spoken to her for over a year and has nothing to do with her of her friends. He is now at college and she is still at school in Year 5. The whole experience left him so upset he has had nothing to do with girls since then.

He called her best friend to find out whats going on and the best friend doesn't have a clue. The best friend tried calling her but no answer. There are so vary vague status updates about 'disgusting people' as it appeared I was still friends with her on Facebook but I have been blocked as of an hour ago.

He is angry and upset and so am I. We are going through a difficult time with my MIL's dementia taking a nosedive and my FIL's depression. Last thing we need

OP posts:

BasilBabyEater · 08/10/2013 20:20

If my DD was sent unsolicited pictures (how do we know that this picture was unsolicited btw?) of someone's dick and it upset her, I hazard a guess that she would either immediately want to report to the police if it upset her badly, or delete the picture from her phone - not upload it on to her computer to look at later and then let a friend see it.

Corygal · 08/10/2013 20:22

You sound awfully sorry for yourself OP - I feel for the police rather!

Let's hope your son stops sexting and keeping porn pics of young girls open to view soon, eh.

BoomBoomBap · 08/10/2013 20:24

If you read the guidelines I posted it says that that parents should be contacted over matters like this and that the school should decided whether the incident was 'experimental' or 'aggravated' before contacting the police. I will post them again. Please read them through and educate yourselves. It deals with decision making involving the police and careful treatment of the teens and their families in the cases like these.

www.parentsprotect.co.uk/files/Sexting%20in%20Schools%20eBooklet%20FINAL%2030APR13.pdf

Why the poor woman should be 'flamed' I don't know. Is that what you do here. Come on and accept 'popular opinion' from a bunch of strangers or risk being 'flamed'?

BoomBoomBap · 08/10/2013 20:25

Corygirl, I think OP has long gone and won't be back. If she is feeling upset from this, then who are we to judge?

YoureBeingADick · 08/10/2013 20:28

Boomboom are you the headyeacher of the school or one of the staff? Because inless you are then you have no idea what the staff member heard that they reported. Rumours im schools get exagerated for dramatic effect so the staff member may have heard a wildly different version of what actually happened. They may have beleived it was definitely a police matter

HaroldLloyd · 08/10/2013 20:40

He is also no longer a pupil of the school, if I read correctly.

Inthechelseahotel · 08/10/2013 20:53

Strange this is the only thread you are on boom

HotDogWater · 08/10/2013 22:57

He could have deleted the image if he wanted to he didn't forget come on it was wank fodder!. Let's hope everyone has learnt a lesson here...

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 09/10/2013 00:05

He probably backed up his phone on his pc while he was still with her. Then, when they broke up so messily, deleted the photo from his phone (because teenage boys/anyone really wants to wank to a photo of an abusive ex since there's no other visual masturbation material available, anywhere, is there?) but had simply not remembered that the photo would be there, on his pc. Glad it all has, ultimately, come to nothing.

And yes, teenagers definitely need to be educated about the laws re sending/possessing/creating child porn, but maybe those laws also need to be reviewed?

ll31 · 09/10/2013 08:23

And u should be grateful re attitude of ex girlfriend and mother. Think you Abu,very.

DameFellatioNelson · 09/10/2013 08:52

Well I think she should be relieved, and perhaps vindicated but I hardly think she should be feeling 'grateful' under the circumstances. Again, that assumed that the boy is somehow the guilty party.

I understand that the school and the police have a process to go through, but I totally understand why the OP feels so defensive, angry and frustrated.

HaroldLloyd · 09/10/2013 09:16

It's quite easy to forget you've a picture backed up on PC I've deleted photos from my phone and it automatically backs up to PC. I've deleted one photo several times yet its still popping up.

BasilBabyEater · 09/10/2013 22:26

Earlier on people were implying that he might have been really upset by the photo.

Now it's easy to forget about the photo that so upset you hanging about on your PC.

Which is it?

YoureBeingADick · 09/10/2013 23:24

well he might have been upset OR he might have completely forgotten about it. nobody here knows or claims to know, they are just putting forward suggestions basil

RhondaJean · 09/10/2013 23:29

When something very similar happened at a local school here there was a very different result.

The 14 yo girl who sent the nude photos was told she committed a offence and was lucky not to be charged. The 17 yo boy who received and circulate the photo was spoken to and they couldn't prove he circulated it so left alone, his parents weren't even informed as he was 17.

Not my child either one thank god.

This is such a minefield for all involved.

lljkk · 10/10/2013 07:22

If it were my 14-15yo who texted an indecent pic of self to other people I'd be bollocking my teen, mortified at my poor parenting & supervision, and profusely apologising to OP for her son getting dragged into this.

Unfortunately a simple word in the office went out ages ago, we now live in The Paperwork Age.

flow4 · 10/10/2013 07:53

There might in fact have been exactly the same result in this situation, Rhonda. We know the boy has been spoken to but not charged, because his mum has told us. We don't know what has happened to the girl at all; she will probably have been spoken to too, and warned, because as several people have pointed out, she has in fact committed an offence - though I suspect the police would have used discretion with her too.

It's a shock for young people and their families who find themselves in this situation, because they don't know what's happened (parents) or don't think about the effects of their actions (teens)... But personally I'm glad the police take it seriously when they hear rumours about sexual images of children being circulated - they have investigated but apparently taken no further action under the circumstances, which feels about right to me.

RhondaJean · 10/10/2013 08:09

Flow, the way it was handled and the impact on both teenagers involved was very different to this story.

HaroldLloyd · 10/10/2013 09:59

Basil I've not said he was upset about receiving the photo. I'd think it highly unlikely that he would have been upset at the time seeing as they were in a relationship!

YoureBeingADick · 10/10/2013 10:01

Well i personally am glad its all dealt with officially, rather than a quiet word in the office. At least now it makes it more likely that the sinister ones are caught early. And it also hilights the seriousness of what theyve done to the teens who were involved that thought it just a bit of fun.

HaroldLloyd · 10/10/2013 13:07

I agree. The onus shouldn't be on teachers to decide, what if they were wrong?

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