Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

16 year old son got visit from police today over allegations from ex girlfriend

121 replies

LadyWottinger · 04/10/2013 20:00

My poor nerves are ripped to shreds after a visit from two coppers today. My 16 year old son rides a moped and was out at the time so you can imagine my thoughts when I saw them through the window.

It turns out his ex girlfriend from more than a year ago is saying that he has inappropriate photos of her on his phone. It was a nasty break up, she was driving him mad with possessiveness, not letting him spend time with his mates and throwing hissy fits so he ended it. After that she started to get nasty, trying to get him into trouble at school. The head of year sorted it all out, having seen it many times before, and that was the last of it. Or so we thought...

He hasn't spoken to her for over a year and has nothing to do with her of her friends. He is now at college and she is still at school in Year 5. The whole experience left him so upset he has had nothing to do with girls since then.

He called her best friend to find out whats going on and the best friend doesn't have a clue. The best friend tried calling her but no answer. There are so vary vague status updates about 'disgusting people' as it appeared I was still friends with her on Facebook but I have been blocked as of an hour ago.

He is angry and upset and so am I. We are going through a difficult time with my MIL's dementia taking a nosedive and my FIL's depression. Last thing we need

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 08/10/2013 11:14

Look, you don't understanding 'safeguarding' - it's a set of procedures to be followed

They wouldn't call you. They contact police when there are pictures of naked children being viewed.

As you point out yourself the girl and her mum didn't do anything, they didn't start the process off.

The picture being viewed by another person started it off as it then became known.

I can hear you're annoyed but there's no reason to be annoyed with the school or the police. This isn't a 'spat between teenagers'.

It's sorted now. Find a way to come to terms with it.

YoureBeingADick · 08/10/2013 11:14

But the police and school dont know whether it is abuse until it has been investigated.

PatriciaHolm · 08/10/2013 11:15

Because the school weren't allowed to ring you. It was a potential child safeguarding issue, the last thing they are allowed to do is ring the alleged perpetrator (or his mother). They have to pass it on to the authorities, it's not something they have the discretion to deal with internally.

dexter73 · 08/10/2013 11:16

Anyone who has or passes on indecent images of someone under 18 is actually breaking the law. Both having and distributing these images is an offence under the Sexual Offences Act 2003.

He has committed an offence even if he didn't know he was. The police have spoken to him, the photo has been deleted so I would let it go now.

macskater · 08/10/2013 11:17

Getting the police involved was clearly excessive. Schools must get their acts together and firm up policy relating to the use and mis-use of digital media. Children must not be criminalised because schools and education departments are not capable of dealing with this type of incident.

dexter73 · 08/10/2013 11:20

They must contact the police as having the photo is a criminal offence! The police seem to have dealt with this by talking to the ops son and ensuring he has deleted the photo. Seems perfectly reasonable to me.

Original poster
LadyWottinger · 08/10/2013 11:20

If this was your son who was suddenly being made to feel like a criminal for once possessing a photo of someone he thought he was in love with, I wonder how you would feel about it all?

The photo no longer exists and hasn't for a long time. He was young, confused and in love. He was stupid, they both were. This is not the world of peodophiles. It must be easy to be so judgemental sitting anonymously behind you computer screen.

OP posts:
Madamecastafiore · 08/10/2013 11:21

It's got fuck all to do with the school getting their act together - what has the school got to do with the image sent between 2 children? Their only part in it is having to report a safeguarding issue.

It is actually the parents job to police digital media too not the bloody schools, well unless the backdrop of the risky picture is the head masters office, then I could see it being an issue to be addressed by the school.

Your son did something incredibly stupid by keeping the picture. Swallow it and move on.

Original poster
LadyWottinger · 08/10/2013 11:21

Thankyou macskater, finally someone with a heart.

OP posts:
Madamecastafiore · 08/10/2013 11:22

I'd be behind the police. If the police came to my door to address something that is a criminal offence with my kids I'd accept it and hope they learnt from it not dress is up in a teenage love story.

YoureBeingADick · 08/10/2013 11:22

Are you deliberately ignoring what people are telling you wrt safeguarding and protocol?

Madamecastafiore · 08/10/2013 11:22

Issues of Safeguarding cannot be dealt with by people with HEART!!

Original poster
LadyWottinger · 08/10/2013 11:23

Yes I'm swallowing it and moving on out of here. Last time I share things on vipers pit.

OP posts:
dexter73 · 08/10/2013 11:24

I can understand that you are angry about this and that a silly teenage thing has become such a huge deal. I'm not judging him at all as I know teens send each other nude photos a lot. I just think the school dealt with it in an acceptable manner. They have to report indecent photos of underage children to the police as it is an offence. The police came and spoke to your son about it and nothing further is happening.

LaurieFairyCake · 08/10/2013 11:24

No one is being judgemental of your son Confused

She did something stupid sending the photo. He did something stupid in keeping it.

Schools spend a fair amount of time trying to get young people to not do stupid (and illegal) stuff.

But they're teenagers and they make daft decisions. I've been involved in dozens of these incidences and you have had the best outcome.

I appreciate to you it doesn't feel like a good outcome and you're probably upset and venting.

YoureBeingADick · 08/10/2013 11:25

Turn this around op- if it was your daughter who had heard that other people had seen and were talking about a naked picture of her aged 14/15. A picture she only sent to one person who she was now her ex would you not think it appropriate to involve the police?

sweetfluffybunnies · 08/10/2013 11:26

I can understand you are upset, but try to see it from the other side. This girl is being bullied over a photo she sent to your son. How would she, or her family, know whether your son has deleted it or still has it? If I was this girl's mother I would be distraught thinking that this photo may be doing the rounds, and I would want to make sure that it would not be able to resurface at a later date.

By the way, you seem to be blaming the girl completely for sending the photo to your son. I doubt she did it with no encouragement, and if your son didn't want it he only had to delete it. It takes two to tango.

Original poster
LadyWottinger · 08/10/2013 11:27

I am upset and venting although coming on here I now feel like I'm being judged as some kind of paeodophile sympathiser because I'm upset at the way it was handled, even if it is the norm and it is right.

OP posts:
Original poster
LadyWottinger · 08/10/2013 11:28

I now remember why I rarely use these online forums. So easy for people to be nasty from behind a computer screen. Much better to vent with some friends over a coffee I think which I will be doing in future.

OP posts:
Madamecastafiore · 08/10/2013 11:30

No you are being judged as someone who is obviously biased towards their child (as most of us are) but has no idea of how proper procedure works in terms of safeguarding.

The allegations it seems were not even made by the girl but the child who saw the naked picture inadvertently on your son's PC.

dexter73 · 08/10/2013 11:30

How do you think it should have been handled?

YoureBeingADick · 08/10/2013 11:30

Ok the police handled it correctly. The school handled it correctly. You have no grounds to be upset with either of them.

CarolineKnappShappey · 08/10/2013 11:32

He did let someone see it.

It was on his computer in his house.

Tiredtrout · 08/10/2013 11:35

I'm sorry you're upset lady but because your sons ex passed him the photo it is an offence, teenagers are notoriously stupid with things like this, it comes under the sexoffences act due to her age, under 18. You aren't going to get a call from the school as it was reported under safeguarding. Also your son no longer goes to the school so they can't contact you and deal in house. The officers dealt with it at the lowest possible level.

My only concern is how did the girl come to be bullied about the photo.

LaurieFairyCake · 08/10/2013 11:35

No ones being nasty to you.

And no one thinks you're a paedophile sympathiser.

Kids make stupid mistakes , there are loads of people on this thread who work with young people and know this.

Take some time to calm down, do nothing in haste. Take care Smile

Swipe left for the next trending thread