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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

15 year old teenage daughter has been beaten by her boyfriend and refusing to talk to police - He's in the same school

32 replies

jsjones21 · 11/06/2013 19:52

Daughter beaten by her boyfriend and I have taken to the local hospital. Very bruised. She has refused to talk to the police. He attends the same school. I have visited the school and they said that they can not do anything because the attack took place outside of school, but would inform his parents subject to my daughter's approval. She's finding it difficult and is not sure what to do.

OP posts:
Original poster
jsjones21 · 11/06/2013 19:55

I want to know what should the school be doing to support my daughter. I don't want him anywhere near her. Where can she go to receive support?

OP posts:
RandomMess · 11/06/2013 19:57

Surely if she is a minor you can report to the police? I would report it to the school as bullying - what is there bullying policy?

lljkk · 11/06/2013 19:58

School can provide a safe place for her to go to if she feels threatened. IME they will talk to the boy but very informally, they can't do more.

I think you could go to the police without your DD's permission, have a chat about your options & at least ask them to be aware in case something happens in public should they get together again.

Ohhelpohnoitsa · 11/06/2013 19:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MaureenMLove · 11/06/2013 19:59

The school should be doing something! Regardless of it it happened outside of school, it is clearly going to affect both of them in school, so therefore it becomes their business.

I would speak to the school again and ask them how they are going to support your dd. That's not on for them to wash their hands of it.

Hope she's OK and you can get her to speak to someone.

BeauNidle · 11/06/2013 20:01

That is awful, poor girl. I think that it has to come from your dd if the police are to do anything.

Not 100% sure on this, but if chrges were to be pressed, she would have to give it the say so.

I hope she is ok.

Madamecastafiore · 11/06/2013 20:01

Go to the police and report it yourself.

I see this a lot and IMO by not reporting it or allowing her not to report it you are minimising the crime and not being a responsible parent.

Ask her just how much he loves her? A shit load less than everyone who walks past her in the street every day it seems as they can refrain from hospitalising her.

Go straight to the police too as you would reporting any crime. Do not approach him or his parents.

lljkk · 11/06/2013 20:04

Teen DS got beaten up by another lad few months back so I feel we have been thru this. The school has limited powers, I would still have the PCSOs around to chat. If nothing else they could bolster OP's DD into understanding that she does not deserve this, she must not let it happen again.

BeauNidle · 11/06/2013 20:11

To add to my earlier post, your DD is probably in shock at the moment, and will need a bit of time for the severity of what he has done to sink in.

Maybe tomorrow, she will want to talk to someone official about it
Hopefully.

Original poster
jsjones21 · 11/06/2013 20:51

I don't want to lose my daughter's trust. Although, I don't want her to feel that nobody cares. It's a fine balance with teenagers.

OP posts:
Madamecastafiore · 11/06/2013 20:54

Sorry am failing to understand.

If this was a 13 year old would you go to the police? A 11 year old?

It has nothing to do with trust IMO. Sometimes we have to do things our kids don't like or disagree with because we are their parents.

If a stranger had done this would you go to the police?

VivaLeBeaver · 11/06/2013 20:57

You need to send your dd a clear message that this is not acceptable, do this by reporting to the police.

You don't want her thinking its something that shouldn't be reported or its possible that in future relationships as an adult it's something she will put up with.

SauvignonBlanche · 11/06/2013 20:57

The school should be doing something and so should you, report this to the police.

MustafaCake · 11/06/2013 21:00

She's a child.

You are an adult.

You need to report it to the police.

RhondaJean · 11/06/2013 21:04

Good lord no you have got to take a stand on this and report it. I would also suggest you contact women's aid for advice on how to best support her.

DumSpiroSpero · 11/06/2013 21:04

Your poor DD - can't even begin to get my head around that sort of thing happening at such a young age (my DD is only 8).

I can totally see where you are coming from re jeopordising her trust/confidence, but agree with other who have said you must report it to the police.

It is assault, pure and simple. You wouldn't let a stranger get away with treating her like that, this is no different - in fact it's worse and not reporting him sets an extremely dangerous precedent.

If you report and she refuses to talk to the police, that is her choice but at least you know you have done the right thing.

MsGee · 11/06/2013 21:30

Contact the DV person at the police station to talk to her. They will do it with sensitivity. Then see if there are healthy relationships workshops near you.

Violence and abuse in relationships amongst young people is increasing - all agencies are aware of this and tackling it will be a priority. To be blunt they will think that if they can set your DD on the right path now she won't be a victim in the future.

I'm sorry your DD is going through this. However, be aware her boyfriend may have ground down her confidence for some time before doing this so she will need a lot of support and for you to take the lead.

suburbophobe · 11/06/2013 22:23

Violence and abuse in relationships amongst young people is increasing

This sends shivers down my spine...... I don't doubt that it is not true.

I went through this. At that age (I was 18-21), you really don't know your own power and they grind you down, verbally first.

You owe it to your daughter to take the lead in this and report it to the police. By doing so you are giving her the message that it is not acceptable, hopefully it will be the start of her healing.

I can't believe the school is taking that stance. It is shocking!

Angelodelighto · 11/06/2013 22:26

Seriously, she's too young to make that decision.

Do it for her.

Be her parent.

Chubfuddler · 11/06/2013 22:27

The school probably can't do much unless outside agencies intervene.

You need to report this to the police op. sorry but you do. Your dd needs you to step up, regardless of what she thinks she wants. Do it and prove to her DV is not a special type of violence, it is violence and it is wrong.

specialsubject · 11/06/2013 22:32

your daughter has been the victim of a violent assault. You know who did it.

report it, and get the help you both need to keep her safe in future.

hope they throw away the key.

FannyFifer · 11/06/2013 22:34

I agree, in this case you be the grown up and report to the police.

MeowMaow · 11/06/2013 22:39

Report it yourself.

Explain to your daughter that you love her and you need to do this as a decent parent.

She may be relieved that the decision is taken form her hands. She might be too scared to do it herself.

ushush · 11/06/2013 22:46

Can I just say, as someone who is close to,your daughter's age and has a friend who had a similar problem. Help her please. It must be the police. I also know the school cannot do much unless it happened on school property and time.

Give her a big hug from me.

HollaAtMeBaby · 11/06/2013 22:51

Report to the police. Please.