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Teenagers

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Original poster

Can I MAKE my 14 year old dd go to summer camp if she doesn't want to?

167 replies

Spidermama · 04/06/2013 18:33

Here's the background.
DH is going away for seven and a half weeks in the summer holidays. Shock
I work mon-fri, 5am until 12pm.
I have four children aged 8, 11, 13 and 14.

I'll need a break. So I've booked a holiday camp for the kids which looks really great. They'd all go to the same camp for one week.

The problem is that my 14 year old DD says she won't go. She's insisting. She points out, quite correctly, that I can't drag her out of the house.

She's very shy. Actually I know this would be great for her and I think it's just what she needs: A week doing kayaking, canoeing, zip wiring, crafts, archery, camping etc etc etc. It would be a great chance for her to leave the lip gloss and straighteners at home and just BE!

But she won't. And I've paid the deposit.

Having a week to myself is the only thing that's keeping me going and I won't cope without it.

What would you do?

OP posts:
PostBellumBugsy · 05/06/2013 15:22

.... and even the "intelligent" idiot had the good grace to welcome you - despite the stinging attack! Grin

motherinferior · 05/06/2013 15:44

There's nothing actually wrong with intelligence...

felicity1971 · 05/06/2013 15:58

Of course there isn't but trying to correct another user (who was making a point valid to the original post) about dofe when they actually volunteer for it is arrogant at best

motherinferior · 05/06/2013 16:04

(well, it wasn't 'trying to' correct. It was correcting. Practice as a noun does take a C. But as you were.)

felicity1971 · 05/06/2013 16:10

Actually it was the other person quoting from the dofe rule book I was referring to, but you're just as bad. So only high brow people who care about such stuff should bother to post then? Don't think I'll bother with this any further. Not really a forum for all is it??

Jimalfie · 05/06/2013 16:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PostBellumBugsy · 05/06/2013 16:29

Crikey Felicity! I didn't start the DofE thing, I just responded to it. Why is that ok for Jima to bring up but not me?

14 year olds do go out on their own for expeditions. Has it crossed your mind I might be a volunteer too? Probably not, because you have a view that I'm too arrogant, idiotic, high brow and dazzlingly intelligent!

Just relax a bit. This is a discussion forum and yes it is for everyone who wants to post on it - regardless of how idiotic, arrogant & high brow others might like to think we are are!

felicity1971 · 05/06/2013 16:38

Ahh but Jimalfies post about the DofE was relevant to the original thread whereas you were just trying to be a smartarse. What you said added nothing to the thread, nor did it help the original poster in any way, you just wanted to make someone else look wrong. You clearly have way too much time on your hands

ExitPursuedByABear · 05/06/2013 16:40

Pom Bear anyone?

GoblinGranny · 05/06/2013 16:40

Are you certain that you are a new poster, felicity?
it seems as if you fit right in here. Grin

ExitPursuedByABear · 05/06/2013 16:42

Is there a rule that posts have to be relevant?

Shit.

felicity1971 · 05/06/2013 16:47

Hahaha I'm actually enjoying this now! So are DS13 and DD12 both looking over my shoulder. Sorry to come across so argumentative but really cannot stand self righteous people who try and make others look silly for no reason. So immature and nasty says DD :-) Think she's got the right idea, oh and to the original poster DS says you should make your daughter go to the summer camp and she'll be fine but DD says no way she'll hate you if you do. Hope this is helpful and relevant

PostBellumBugsy · 05/06/2013 16:50

Back to the OP - because I'm too much of a wanker up my own smartarse with too much time on my hands to comment on anything else or offer my thoughts on the OPs situation! (Thank you to both Jima & felicity for the barrage of insults.)

Spidermama, sincerely hope it works out with your DD and you manage to reach a compromise that both of you are happy with.

felicity1971 · 05/06/2013 16:53

Couldn't have put it better myself PostBellumBugsy :-)

AitchTwoOhOneTwo · 05/06/2013 18:22

some people would say that coming onto a site and lecturing people how to behave is a tad self-righteous...

spidey, oscarwilde raises an excellent point - who will be dealing with the kids 5-12? if it is dd then all bets are off imo and she should be able to pout hard for a straight week if that's what she wants to do.

ExitPursuedByABear · 05/06/2013 19:25

Is 12pm 12 noon?

QueenOfCats · 05/06/2013 19:58

Where is this camp op?

Sorry to hijack but I think this would be good for my dd Smile

differentnameforthis · 06/06/2013 07:41

I'm afraid I am a heartless parent, it's paid for, your [sic] going, end of discussion

See, I guess that is where some of us differ, as I would never pay for something like this without asking my child if it is something they would like to do. Whatever their age!

I come at it from the POV that, what if there was no camp to send her to? What if you were a single parent (i.e you had the children 24/7 all by yourself)? What if you couldn't afford it?

Yes, 4 kids is a handful, but I disagree with this Parents need to see their own limits in the context it is used in. I agree in essence, but it is more like parents need to know their limits & not have more children than they could cope with on a day to day basis

I can cope with 2, if dh went away for 7 weeks, I can cope with 2 without the need the ship them off & make them someone else's problem for a week.

Every parent needs a break whether they have 1 child or 7, but you can't force your children to do something they feel massively uncomfortable with for the sake of a break! I disagree also, that it would be character forming! Infact, she wants so badly not to do it, it could go the other way!

You say she would probably sit in her room most of the time, so hardly going to get in your way! At 14 she is more than capable of making her lunch/dinner, so hardly high maintenance! My point being, she is old enough to have her at home & for you to still have a 'break'.

differentnameforthis · 06/06/2013 08:07

So a chronically shy 14 year old needs to learn to suck it up, roll with it, get their act together and learn to face whatever the world throws at them, but her mother is perfectly entitled to pack her off to a camp because the idea of looking after her own children for 7 weeks is too much for her?! Doesn't she need to suck it up?

This ^^

Is 12pm 12 noon? Yes. 12am is midnight

cory · 06/06/2013 08:31

I think Oscarville is spot on.

I have every understanding for the OPs need for me time. But it needs to go hand in hand with an understanding that her 14yo dd is growing up too, that she might feel a similar need, and that the clue to getting teenagers to behave in a mature way is to talk to them as if they were mature.

If the OP makes decisions above her dd's head as if she were a baby, she can't expect the dd to suddenly turn round and understand her mother's needs like an adult.

felicity1971 · 06/06/2013 08:53

some people would say that coming onto a site and lecturing people how to behave is a tad self-righteous...
Oh dear oh dear AitchTwoOhOneTwo, whereas telling people how to spell is not at all is it! Lol as my kids would say............

Back to the point must say I totally agree with cory

AitchTwoOhOneTwo · 06/06/2013 09:13

sorry? it's not a competition... it's perfectly possible for two people to be self-righteous on the same thread.

scherazadey · 06/06/2013 09:35

Aitch it would seem that you think it is a competition because you feel the need to keep replying, why don't you stfu? Please?

zipzap · 06/06/2013 09:43

When I was her age, my sis and I got to go to a camp - my sis wanted to go riding and to do outdoorsy activities which I would have hated. She ended up going with a family friend and has a great time but I would have been thoroughly miserable.

I managed to discover a different camp - computer camp - (about 30 years ago so a new thing and they had only just started to run them). I loved it and had a great time - but my sis would have hated it.

Is it worth looking around to see if you could find a different camp that she would like to go to? Assuming you are able to forfeit the deposit or get it back. Might also be worth checking at what point you become liable for paying what percentage of the overall cost. The linger you leave it the more you might find yourself liable to pay regardless of whether or not she goes.

I think yanbu to want her to go to camp - but maybe yabu to have signed her up at her age without talking to her about it and finding a camp that she would actually like to go to.

AitchTwoOhOneTwo · 06/06/2013 09:48

replying is The Whole Point of a discussion board, sherezady...

anyway, interesting first post, welcome to Mumsnet. Grin