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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Well shit. I handled that one badly.

455 replies

survivingthechildren · 16/04/2013 12:19

Oh Christ what have I done. First post here, but have really blown it and could use some advice.

Just minutes ago I had a major fracas with DS(15). It was that bloody xbox that did it. Things have steadily been going down hill for months - cheek, not helping with chores, have to nag to get everything done, fighting 24/7 with family... We always follow through, try to have natural consequences, yanno from parenting 101.

But tonight (we live in NZ), DS is in the attic where we have a sort of teen hideout, playing on xbox live. We've been entertaining the neighbours and DS has been a disgrace all night. Grunting when spoken to, sulked because we asked him to eat at the table and not up in the den, swore at DS and I. I was mortified. And so so furious. Even writing those words now is making me sweat with rage.

So after they head home I go to have a word. Consequence will be no xbox for 5 days. I'm talking to DS, he jams him headset back on, gives me this horrible sneer, and them says "you don't control me bitch". Then he turns back to the screen and says to his mate "sorry, I was just putting my mother in her place".

The red mist just descended.

I went straight over to that fucking machine and threw it out the window. It's now lying smashed to pieces on the path.

Oh shit shit shit. Still not a good way to handle things. I'm now swinging between frothing wildly at the mouth and wanting to you upstairs and blast him, and wanting to slap myself for blowing my cool so spectacularly.

DS is in shock and hasn't emerge since I stormed from the room.

Do I go up and talk?

Oh God. Can't I just go back and make a better, calmer decision?

OP posts:
longingforsomesleep · 16/04/2013 14:32

I hope the way he spoke to you was out of character. If so, you'd be right to assume that he was still in whatever x-box role he was playing when he spoke to you. Even more reason to chuck the thing out of the window. I can't count the number of times ds's x box has been removed from his room. I really wish they'd never been invented.

I think your reaction was entirely reasonable given the way he spoke to you. Please don't now back down/apologise/buy a replacement. He's been taught a valuable lesson and you don't want to reduce its impact. He can work out how he's going to earn the money to buy a new one.

choccyp1g · 16/04/2013 14:34

Wouldn't it have been fabulous if the DS had posted this as a reverse AIBU ?

Good for you OP, you did the right thing.

BeattieBow · 16/04/2013 14:38

oh dear, poor you. I did a similar thing to my ds's xbox. he squared up to me and threatened me and used vile language too, and I too lost it and threw the x-box to the ground. Best thing i did tbh. I haven't replaced it - ds has to play his online games on the family computer downstairs and he is much more sociable.

I really worried about my ds while he had his xbox - addicted and violent and hardly came out of his room. He's much better now.

NotSoNervous · 16/04/2013 14:45

Fair play to you OP. I would love to have seen his face.

NatashaBee · 16/04/2013 14:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SPsYoniTheOneAndOnly · 16/04/2013 14:51
Grin

If id have spoke to my mum like that I would have been kicked around my room!

He will always remember this. When he has kids he will be telling them the story of how Grandma lobbed his XBox out of the window Grin

TomArchersSausage · 16/04/2013 14:55

Wow good for you!Flowers

I think you handled that beautifully. Computer games seem to insiduously turn kids into monosyllabic hermits. You did right, he was appallingly rude.

Awful to feel so at odds with your teen though, I can see why you feel upsetSad. Arguments are horrible but stand firm, he'll learn from this and let him be the one to put this right.

Marmotte3 · 16/04/2013 14:57

stealthsquiggle - brilliant idea on the internet router, I was thinking something along the same lines myself, it would solve a lot of problems, if they can't actually get internet access then you won't have to waste your breath telling them to get off it. My boys are only little but best to be prepared.

I'm sure the same could be applied to Cable TV, I only watch a few programs on the internet so have no idea how this would work.

OP - good luck and stay strong

TerrysNo2 · 16/04/2013 14:59

Fan-bloody-tastic

Well done you!! Grin

Not exactly what you want to teach your children about how to react to bad situations but sometimes its worth reminding them that parents are actually real people, with feelings!

Don't you dare buy him a new one!

DIYapprentice · 16/04/2013 15:02

Wow, way to go OP! He was behaving appallingly.

JustGiveMeFiveMinutes · 16/04/2013 15:03

x boxes are horribly addictive. Some of DS1's friends (11) are already on their's all the time.

I wouldn't reproach yourself. He treated you in a disgusting fashion. He deserves to have had his x box destroyed frankly.

ThatVikRinA22 · 16/04/2013 15:10

if its any help OP i did almost the exact same thing with DS laptop when he was 15.

it went out of the window. at 3am.
expect more turns like this - Ds tried leaving home a few times just for good measure (the longest i think he lasted was 3 days!) Grin

he is 21 now. and almost human again.....and we get on much better now he is at uni.

you did the right thing. i know how you feel - because i was mortified at my own behaviour.....but i think sometimes they need a shock.

dont talk to him and do not apologise - he needs to apologise to you. Then you could talk.

CalamityKate · 16/04/2013 15:11

Bloody good for you! Don't you dare apologise!

Believe me if he gets even a whiff of regret from you about it he'll milk it for all he's worth. You'll never hear the last of it.

Hold onto your outrage and be icily unrepentant. You are owed a huge apology from him.

OhDearNigel · 16/04/2013 15:18

I think you reacted in the only way he would take notice of.

At least you've clarified "your place" ..

Wylye · 16/04/2013 15:23

Can't offer an advice as DS is only 2, but have seen how destructive gaming can be, and applaud you for standing up to your DS.

I know a mum who lets her DC earn screen time each week, starting on Mondays, by doing chores/homework. Any bad behaviour and it's taken away at twice the rate it's earned. Works for them!

Babycino81 · 16/04/2013 15:28

He should consider it lucky the Xbox didn't go over his head! Let him sweat. Don't make the first move.

SquinkiesRule · 16/04/2013 15:46

Bloody brilliant. He got exactly what he deserved. You just scared the crap out of him and he now knows he isn't in charge. Do not apologize, don't let him see you blink, never back down. He was so so wrong.

Sunnywithshowers · 16/04/2013 15:55

Another high five here!

My BIL tells the story of the day his mum threw a plate of spag bol out of the window - without opening it first Grin

Sophiathesnowfairy · 16/04/2013 15:55

Fantastic! though is not good to show that you lost control he crossed a line and he deserved that.

I would wait for him to come to you.

wasabipeanut · 16/04/2013 16:00

Well done OP - I can't believe he would dare to speak to you in that manner. He was lucky it was only his x box that went through the window.

One day he will be telling his wife/mates whatever about this incident saying that it was the day he realised what a shitbag he had been to you. He will look back and feel ashamed.

I think children need to know that parents have a limit. Hecsurecas he'll does now Grin

ExitPursuedByABear · 16/04/2013 16:08

Applauds OP

Applauds Brian

CheerfulYank · 16/04/2013 16:09

Good for you!

BookieMonster · 16/04/2013 16:17

Well done.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 16/04/2013 16:19

Well done OP

How dare he speak to you and about you in that way!

What game was he playing? Some involve very misogynistic treatment of women, so he may be learning the attitude from the game. In which case it is a good job he can't play it any longer.

foslady · 16/04/2013 16:23

Well impressed OP - my God I hope he's learnt his lesson - and don't you dare apologise, you have nothing to apologise for!