Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Well shit. I handled that one badly.

455 replies

survivingthechildren · 16/04/2013 12:19

Oh Christ what have I done. First post here, but have really blown it and could use some advice.

Just minutes ago I had a major fracas with DS(15). It was that bloody xbox that did it. Things have steadily been going down hill for months - cheek, not helping with chores, have to nag to get everything done, fighting 24/7 with family... We always follow through, try to have natural consequences, yanno from parenting 101.

But tonight (we live in NZ), DS is in the attic where we have a sort of teen hideout, playing on xbox live. We've been entertaining the neighbours and DS has been a disgrace all night. Grunting when spoken to, sulked because we asked him to eat at the table and not up in the den, swore at DS and I. I was mortified. And so so furious. Even writing those words now is making me sweat with rage.

So after they head home I go to have a word. Consequence will be no xbox for 5 days. I'm talking to DS, he jams him headset back on, gives me this horrible sneer, and them says "you don't control me bitch". Then he turns back to the screen and says to his mate "sorry, I was just putting my mother in her place".

The red mist just descended.

I went straight over to that fucking machine and threw it out the window. It's now lying smashed to pieces on the path.

Oh shit shit shit. Still not a good way to handle things. I'm now swinging between frothing wildly at the mouth and wanting to you upstairs and blast him, and wanting to slap myself for blowing my cool so spectacularly.

DS is in shock and hasn't emerge since I stormed from the room.

Do I go up and talk?

Oh God. Can't I just go back and make a better, calmer decision?

OP posts:
Madamecastafiore · 16/04/2013 16:25

Ha ha. I was going to say chuck the Xbox out of the window.

I don't think you did did something so awful.

anklebitersmum · 16/04/2013 16:25

Bloody good show survivingthechildren Grin

Don't you dare buy him a new one or start apologising for being cross.

If you're going to have a conversation I'd make it about how lucky he was that his Dad wasn't stood behind you when he was giving it large and sneering.

Sneering and "putting you in your place"..my blood boils on your behalf.

It's only a shame no-one captured the moment for youtube like the guy who shot his Wink

pansyflimflam · 16/04/2013 16:29

I guarantee you something, he will never ever forget this. Nor should he, the way he spoke to you is completely out of order and this is a proportionate reaction. Ground him too and DO NOT BUY ANOTHER ONE

Talkinpeace · 16/04/2013 16:29

wrong board BUT : based on your opening post

YANBU

DreamingofSummer · 16/04/2013 16:33

Total respect to you. He deserved everything he got and more

HolofernesesHead · 16/04/2013 16:33

Blimey - not only have you well and truly got your son's attention, you've united MN in approval.

He just can't talk like that to or about you. Whatever else he may have in his life (e.g. xbox), respect is absolutely basic and absolutely non-negotiable. And you need to feel okay about re-enforcing that, even if it means lobbing stuff out of the window every now and then.

SoupDragon · 16/04/2013 16:34

Oh, he so deserved that, OP!

YellowWellies · 16/04/2013 16:36

Total respect. I only wish my dad and step mum would do similar to my shockingly rude step brother. Instead at 12 he's playing grand theft auto and they're wondering why he's suddenly so misogynistic .

GirlOutNumbered · 16/04/2013 16:37

Brilliant. I can completely see where you reaction came from, I would have been absolutely furious, to say the least.

IceCubes · 16/04/2013 16:38

Wow OP! I think you might be my hero! As a teacher of teenage boys, I think you have absolutely done the right thing. They all turn up to school like zombies after too much time playing CoD and the like. I know what you mean about addiction, it's quite worrying how it takes over and desensitises them. My eldest son is after one and there is no way I am ever allowing him to have one!!!!!!

Good luck with DS!

Doshusallie · 16/04/2013 16:39

sorry haven't read whole thread but the day my DSes talk to me like that will be the day they see their mother REALLY lose it. I think you reacted perfectly appropriately personally. How DARE he speak to you like that?

ClaraOswald · 16/04/2013 16:41

Do you have any younger children who may be affected by the xbox out the window?

If so, make him tell them exactly why it went sailing out into the darkness.

Well done you for taking it out on the object and not the child. I called my mother a bitch once when I was 17. I wore her handprint for 3 days.

acceptableinthe80s · 16/04/2013 16:42

Looks like you've killed two birds with one stone here OP. The shock factor will have let him know in no uncertain terms that the way he spoke to you was completely unacceptable, though I would suggest a follow up chat with dh to discuss further just how unacceptable that kind of talk is (at home and elsewhere).
Reading some of the replies it would also seem that he has perhaps learnt this kind of attitude from the games themselves so not allowing him access to these would be sensible.
Note to self: never purchase an Xbox.

PoohBearsHole · 16/04/2013 16:44

For me, this is an example of tough love. You love him but you are fed up with the way he is now with the xbox, he then pushed the limit. So you killed the xbox.

If this was actual hard core drugs would you feel guilty about flushing them down the loo?

It also shows to your younger dc that you will not tolerate that kind of behaviour. I wouldn't feel sorry for them as they will give their big brother as much grief too if they are that keen on the bloody thing AND you have no ensured that they won't get addicted either!

All hail survivingthechildren let you be an example to us all Grin

(BTW I lost my voice shouting at my dc due to one of them running off and hiding my engagement ring and the older one being so glued to the tv that dc1 didn't notice dc2 hiding it! Felt awful though for ages about it!)

DioneTheDiabolist · 16/04/2013 16:49

OP, you didn't handle it badly. You handled it beautifully.

Delayingtactic · 16/04/2013 16:52

Wow. I think you actually were really well controlled. The language he used was just awful, really nasty. You did well not to smack him over the head with Xbox.

Tbh I would actually wait until he apologises. He has learnt that his actions have consequences and now he needs to think of a way to rectify the hurt he's caused.

Heinz55 · 16/04/2013 16:55

FWIW I was a terrible teen - maybe not quite your ds's comment but not far off it. My calm and lovely mum exploded once and followed me up to my room where she slapped me hard across the face. It shocked me so much. It didn't change things overnight - that took growing up and having to stand on my own two feet - but when I look back I realise it was the point at which I realised she would take only so much for me. I think it may have been a shock he needed.

VivaLeBeaver · 16/04/2013 16:58

Good reaction, you did the right thing.

Not only would I not replace it I wouldn't let him buy one either. I'd tell him that his attitude seems to be adversely affected by the Xbox that I won't have one in the house again.

dotcomlovenest · 16/04/2013 17:01

Woo and hoo totally deserved.

OrangeLily · 16/04/2013 17:02

OP you are a legend.

I can't believe he said that though?!

How very calm and collected of you....it could have been a lot worse.

How has he been since?

SirBoobAlot · 16/04/2013 17:08

OP, you are my hero.

I'd rather like to do this to my DBs xbox sometimes.

How dare he speak to you like that?! Angry

LagomOchLyckaSwede · 16/04/2013 17:11

Good reaction. He'll learn that you won't put up with him any more.

DewDr0p · 16/04/2013 17:13

Can I add to the general chorus of approval? Good for you OP. He was totally out of order and you have very effectively drawn a line there.

LovesBeingWokenEveryNight · 16/04/2013 17:14
Shock Grin
TerraNotSoFirma · 16/04/2013 17:22

Good for you OP.
I'd do the same myself.