Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Well shit. I handled that one badly.

455 replies

survivingthechildren · 16/04/2013 12:19

Oh Christ what have I done. First post here, but have really blown it and could use some advice.

Just minutes ago I had a major fracas with DS(15). It was that bloody xbox that did it. Things have steadily been going down hill for months - cheek, not helping with chores, have to nag to get everything done, fighting 24/7 with family... We always follow through, try to have natural consequences, yanno from parenting 101.

But tonight (we live in NZ), DS is in the attic where we have a sort of teen hideout, playing on xbox live. We've been entertaining the neighbours and DS has been a disgrace all night. Grunting when spoken to, sulked because we asked him to eat at the table and not up in the den, swore at DS and I. I was mortified. And so so furious. Even writing those words now is making me sweat with rage.

So after they head home I go to have a word. Consequence will be no xbox for 5 days. I'm talking to DS, he jams him headset back on, gives me this horrible sneer, and them says "you don't control me bitch". Then he turns back to the screen and says to his mate "sorry, I was just putting my mother in her place".

The red mist just descended.

I went straight over to that fucking machine and threw it out the window. It's now lying smashed to pieces on the path.

Oh shit shit shit. Still not a good way to handle things. I'm now swinging between frothing wildly at the mouth and wanting to you upstairs and blast him, and wanting to slap myself for blowing my cool so spectacularly.

DS is in shock and hasn't emerge since I stormed from the room.

Do I go up and talk?

Oh God. Can't I just go back and make a better, calmer decision?

OP posts:
wonderingagain · 16/04/2013 19:50

Grunting when spoken to, sulked because we asked him to eat at the table and not up in the den, swore at DS and I. I was mortified. And so so furious. Even writing those words now is making me sweat with rage.

I think your reaction was over the top. I think the rage comes from you feeling you have lost control over him. I think most people would be upset and sad about their son speaking like this, not angry. Anger is often a sign that you can't have control. Hence the next bit:

"you don't control me bitch". Then he turns back to the screen and says to his mate "sorry, I was just putting my mother in her place".

As others have said the attitude and language is rife on Xbox, no excuse but that's where it's coming from.

Do talk to him and listen to what he has to say on the matter of control. You may need to cut him some slack.

DebsMorgan · 16/04/2013 19:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MedusaIsHavingABadHairDay · 16/04/2013 19:51

Just adding to the chorus of high fives here!

No apologies from you please! As the parent of four teens I have had the red mist descend a couple of times over the years. To my shame I once frizbee-d a wooden ikea plate at DS1's head when he bad mouthed my once too often (he was 15 too) Just as well my aim is crap as I would probably have beheaded him Grin Blush . It's now a family joke!

You did the right thing.. it will stop him in his tracks like nothing else:)

lunar1 · 16/04/2013 19:56

Think I'm going to keep notes for when mine are teens! You did the right thing op

GrowSomeCress · 16/04/2013 20:02

Come on, wonderingagain why on earth should OP "cut him some slack"? What he said was outrageous.

Ruprekt · 16/04/2013 20:05

Wow! Just wow! GrinGrin

Has he spoken to you yet?

CoolaSchmoola · 16/04/2013 20:07

Perfect response OP, every time I read what he said I get the rage on your behalf. There is NO excuse for his behaviour at all, and there is no way I'd be cutting him any slack whatsoever.

GreenEggsAndNichts · 16/04/2013 20:16

Cut him some slack. haha.

Yes, that language is rife on voice comms for video/computer games. But if he doesn't know the difference between talking shit amongst peers (still its own problem of course) and actually talking shit to his mother, then this will be his wake-up call. He's 15 yrs old, he is not her peer or her friend, he is her child and he needs to realise there are consequences when he decides to call his mother a bitch to her face. Angry

Bakingtins · 16/04/2013 20:19

I think the way you handled it was fab.u.lous.

5 days confiscation was proportionate for the general teenage moodiness and rudeness, what he said to you later crossed the line into total disrespect and justified an extreme reaction.
Taking notes for when mine are teens.

almapudden · 16/04/2013 20:19

Brava, OP!

Figgygal · 16/04/2013 20:22

Great work op Grin

SugarPasteGreyhound · 16/04/2013 20:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Secondsop · 16/04/2013 20:23

applauds OP. How DARE he speak to you like that.

VikingVagine · 16/04/2013 20:25

Throwing the bloody thing out of the window sounds like you handled it well I would have thrown it at his head .

TSSDNCOP · 16/04/2013 20:37

Bravo!

And make him pick up the remains from your path too.

If I'd let a thought of talking to my mother like that pass within 10 city blocks of my brain I'd have never seen daylight again.

Thought of the day: can we stop buying x-box and its like for our kids or is it too late. Not because of bad behaviour but just the mindless obsession?

FryOneFatManic · 16/04/2013 20:38

Just read this to DP and he says your son has learned a valuable lesson. If I'd said that to my mum, I'd have been chased around the house. DP reckons his mum would have chased him with the rolling pin for that! Grin

We have an Xbox, but it is a family one, located in a downstairs family room, and I will be careful which games they have. They have always been limited in the time allowed on it.

So far, with our 2 DCs (13 and 9), we have allowed CD players/radios in their bedrooms, but no TVs, computers, etc.

CheerfulYank · 16/04/2013 20:40

I hate when people say "well if a husband did it..." Hmm Adults and children have different needs ffs!

If my husband sat me on the naughty step or sent me to my room to compose myself, that would be ridiculous, yet these are perfectly reasonable things to do to a child because a parent's job is to civilize their child and prepare him/her for the world.

"Cut him some slack"...whatever for? He acted like a vile little shit and completely deserved it.

CheerfulYank · 16/04/2013 20:41

FryOne my mom would have walloped me. Not a doubt in my mind!

FauxFox · 16/04/2013 20:43

Whilst I applaud your decisive action this will now go one of two ways:

  1. DS will realise he has overstepped the mark and apologise
  2. DS will be incensed with rage and take it upon himself to trash your possessions at will whenever you tell him off.

I hope it is number 1 Grin

SaggyOldClothCatPuss · 16/04/2013 20:43

Cheeky little bugger! WELL DONE! Grin

Plomino · 16/04/2013 20:50

Fantastic ! You did exactly the right thing . He behaved appallingly , and got the instant consequences of his actions . No time to make up excuses or whine about how hard done by he thinks he is . Absolutely excellent .

I have to thank you further OP. I just showed this to DS's 2 and 3 who are 13 and 15 . One's first comment was ' you don't control me was his first mistake '. And then 'wow! I would be SO dead for that . And you wouldn't have opened the window to chuck it '

As for the other one , I just mentioned that he might like to consider clearing his bedroom floor and he RAN . Grin

FryOneFatManic · 16/04/2013 20:55

My mum wasn't the walloping sort. But DP's mum would have done, with whatever was in her hand, for that kind of comment. He didn't get on the wrong side all right Grin, even though it was something she did rarely. But she's actually a nice lady.

I very rarely even raise my voice. But because I rarely do, it does have the shock factor when it happens. So far a raised voice has been enough for the DCs when the overstep the boundary big time (followed by appropriate punishments). However, at some point in the teenageryears I expect the voice will not be enough, and I think I'll keep this thread in mind..... Grin

BohemianWrapsForTea · 16/04/2013 20:57

Well done OP. I think you've done exactly the right thing (and so do over 300 MNers, so it can't be bad :o)

pointythings · 16/04/2013 20:58

Fabulously done, OP. I have DDs aged 10 and 12 (and they have no X-box) but if they ever speak to me like that the consequences will be very similar.

Don't apologise, make sure he knows that this is the end of an era and the start of a new one called 'DS learns respect'.

Schlock · 16/04/2013 21:02

Nice one! Grin

There's a story for the grandkids Wink