Well shit. I handled that one badly.

[survivingthechildren]

Oh Christ what have I done. First post here, but have really blown it and could use some advice.

Just minutes ago I had a major fracas with DS(15). It was that bloody xbox that did it. Things have steadily been going down hill for months - cheek, not helping with chores, have to nag to get everything done, fighting 24/7 with family... We always follow through, try to have natural consequences, yanno from parenting 101.

But tonight (we live in NZ), DS is in the attic where we have a sort of teen hideout, playing on xbox live. We've been entertaining the neighbours and DS has been a disgrace all night. Grunting when spoken to, sulked because we asked him to eat at the table and not up in the den, swore at DS and I. I was mortified. And so so furious. Even writing those words now is making me sweat with rage.

So after they head home I go to have a word. Consequence will be no xbox for 5 days. I'm talking to DS, he jams him headset back on, gives me this horrible sneer, and them says "you don't control me bitch". Then he turns back to the screen and says to his mate "sorry, I was just putting my mother in her place".

The red mist just descended.

I went straight over to that fucking machine and threw it out the window. It's now lying smashed to pieces on the path.

Oh shit shit shit. Still not a good way to handle things. I'm now swinging between frothing wildly at the mouth and wanting to you upstairs and blast him, and wanting to slap myself for blowing my cool so spectacularly.

DS is in shock and hasn't emerge since I stormed from the room.

Do I go up and talk?

Oh God. Can't I just go back and make a better, calmer decision?

high five

Well done OP!

Another one adding to the chorus of high fives.

Where could he have learned to speak to women like that from? The games he plays/TV he watches?

Well done op. I'd have done exactly the same. With no regrets.

I'm frothing on your behalf!

I think you did absolutely the right thing in letting him know that his X Box (which presumably you bought?), is not a vehicle for him to be disrespectful to you.

If I were you, I would not allow another X Box in your home. I think you'll find that his general mood improves without one.

You absolutely did the right thing! I have stripped DS room before now due to bad behaviour.

Do not apologise to him!! He was disrespectful to you. If you back down then he gains the upper hand and he shouldn't. He needs to apologise to you and there should be some serious discussion from here on.

I have visions of the OP son doing an impression of a goldfish as he tries to work our what happened.

I hope you son apologises in the morning for his behaviour.

How are things now OP?

Can I point out xboxes don't make people violent or rude or addicted any more than guns in America shoot people on their own. Like anything else it has to be used sensibly and appropriately and managed correctly.

But as I said earlier bravo OP!

My blood boiled on your behalf OP. a serious sit down bollocking and complete withdrawal of all privileges is in order as well! How dare he speak to you like that?!

I'd say you handled it perfectl. I'd have ripped him limb from limb with my bare hands.

You and your dh need to put up a united from and lay down firm house rules that must be obeyed.

Don't you bloody dare apologies!

Good for you!

Wow op you are my new hero.

Respect!

He knows that you mean business now!

You are my hero

I'm going to show this to my 15 year old.

OP you reacted the way you did because your DS took things to another level with what he said.

If you had just rapped his knuckles and banned him for a few days, he would have learned nothing. By reacting the way you did you have shown him that he has overstepped the line and for every action there are attendant consequences - even if your reaction was more extreme than he expected - you have definitely achieved the shock factor! Yes do speak to him, and listen to what he has to say, discuss but don't apologise, stand strong and let him learn the lesson.

What is it about bloody games consoles? Our DS' are nearly 12 and 14, and we haven't had any major behaviour issues (so far - tempts fate) with them APART from relating to their games consoles - the major arguements in the house are about when they can get on them, how long for, some of their friends seem to be on till all hours, so why can't they etc etc. I rue the day we got them, and have probably said that I would like to throw them out the window - respect to you for actually doing so!

You did the right thing OP.

That was a really disgusting thing he said, actually.

I wonder if you have started a revolution. There'll be games consoles flying out of teenagers bedroom windows all over the world..

I don't see what else you could have done. I would totally lose it if one of my sons spoke like that. And I'm sure they will one day.

Don't feel guilty. He will survive the lose of a console and he will be better person for it.

Perfect. Sometimes, short, sharp, shock speaks volumes!

Well done. You did the right thing. It's caused nothing but trouble and now it's gone... it's a winning move all around and HE can explain to his sibs WHY it has gone.

I'm only a shortie - but he'd have enraged me so much he would have followed it out the window.

However, now you need to have a serious discussion with your DH and work out 'where the fuck we go from here' because you have a serious problem with your DS and this alone wont fix it :(

Wish my mum had done that with my brother when we were teenagers! Well done op :)

Brilliant stuff.

Binning stuff is a very effective parenting technique. I did a similar thing with my 6 year old DS the other day. He was poking various family members with a cricket stump and wouldn't stop, so I took it and snapped it in half. He has been much better behaved ever since, though he has an attitude problem of a 16 year old. After reading this thread he won't ever be getting an Xbox.....

Brilliant. I would also be removing access to the internet and phone. If the terrible attitude to women isn't coming from home then it must be coming from somewhere else, so I'd be cutting out that influence.