Well shit. I handled that one badly.

[survivingthechildren]

Oh Christ what have I done. First post here, but have really blown it and could use some advice.

Just minutes ago I had a major fracas with DS(15). It was that bloody xbox that did it. Things have steadily been going down hill for months - cheek, not helping with chores, have to nag to get everything done, fighting 24/7 with family... We always follow through, try to have natural consequences, yanno from parenting 101.

But tonight (we live in NZ), DS is in the attic where we have a sort of teen hideout, playing on xbox live. We've been entertaining the neighbours and DS has been a disgrace all night. Grunting when spoken to, sulked because we asked him to eat at the table and not up in the den, swore at DS and I. I was mortified. And so so furious. Even writing those words now is making me sweat with rage.

So after they head home I go to have a word. Consequence will be no xbox for 5 days. I'm talking to DS, he jams him headset back on, gives me this horrible sneer, and them says "you don't control me bitch". Then he turns back to the screen and says to his mate "sorry, I was just putting my mother in her place".

The red mist just descended.

I went straight over to that fucking machine and threw it out the window. It's now lying smashed to pieces on the path.

Oh shit shit shit. Still not a good way to handle things. I'm now swinging between frothing wildly at the mouth and wanting to you upstairs and blast him, and wanting to slap myself for blowing my cool so spectacularly.

DS is in shock and hasn't emerge since I stormed from the room.

Do I go up and talk?

Oh God. Can't I just go back and make a better, calmer decision?

Good on you OP.
Don't feel guilty.
Your DS needs to know and understand who is boss.

I think you did the right thing. For goodness sake don't ruin it by apologising or replacing the wretched thing!

I just mentioned this thread to my son (nearly 13).
He knows I'd do the same now that OP has given me the idea .....

That was natural consequences - dismissive of 5 days, lose it permanently. Bit of melodrama to bring him up short never hurt anyone unless they're standing under the relevant window

YANBU OP. I would be taking everything of his away for a long time, including access to the den. Did he swear in front of your guests? If so, an apology from him to them is in order.

I disagree with BalloonSlayer. In a relationship between two adults the power balance is - or should be - equal. In a parent-child relationship the power lies with the parent. It's the parent's job to exercise this power, obviously as fairly as possible, so that the child learns. You just can't compare the two types of relationship and say "you wouldn't confiscate your colleague/DH's stuff". No, and equally teaching them how to behave is not my responsibility.

Can you imagine how funny it would have looked from outside... an Xbox just sailing through the window

Well done.

I have advised parents to do this before when their kids are playing up at school. I wish they would.

Are you a teacher, Bunchof? Are you giving this your "official" sanction?

Wow! I'm seriously impressed!

(And thinking of nominating this for classics as a rare example of a thread full of MNetters all agreeing )

High five!
No arguments from me about this

Another high five here!

Brilliant

Yup, totally official sanction.

Of course you handled it bady
You didn't video it and stick it on YouTube

Well done OP, just going to add to the cry of "don't apologise!".
What a horrible way for him to treat you!!! He totally deserved it!

Well done, OP - I just want to ad my voice to the chorus of approval.

Dd is 2. I know darn well that there will be a day like this with her, judging by a few sideways looks from her already, and u will be my inspiration.....

Not textbook but if all else fails, well, sharp shock can work.

Havnt read the whole thread but I did something similar te other day
DS1 (6 years old) was having a mega tantrum, very disobedient all day etc etc. had been reading a little book that came free with a happy meal and I gave him 3 chances to be quiet and get his shoes on or I would rip a page out of the book, he didn't so I did!! It was only the title page but it shocked him ino being quiet (he values books over pretty much everything apart from iPad, wii and Xbox and those are family things so wouldn't dare smash them as DH would kill me!!!)

I'm fairly ashamed to admit we have 4 xboxes in our house! I have gathered them all in at different times in fury, but never thrown them out the window! I wish I had done at different times though well done! I think we all feel your pain !

You are incredible!
Well done OP

fabulous! ds is currently only 18 weeks but I shall remember that one.

your son will never forget it. you made your point. I feel kids take stuff and things for granted too much these days

surviving you're an awesome mother. In years to come even your son will realise that. Sleep well:)

Brilliant! I would so do this.

I've vowed to never have an xbox in this house, this goes on my list

I salute you!

Fantastic OP. You did exactly the right thing

I wouldn't have stopped at the xbox. I'd have gone on to black bag every single one of his damn possessions and would have binned them too. And to my eternal shame I'd probably have slapped him too.

Do not apologise, do not replace. Under any circumstances.

I've just told DS (10yrs) about this thread. He looks like this --->

He's says op's DS shouldn't talk to op like that because without her, he wouldn't be alive .

I pray that my DS doesn't turn into an unreasonable teenager