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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Well shit. I handled that one badly.

455 replies

survivingthechildren · 16/04/2013 12:19

Oh Christ what have I done. First post here, but have really blown it and could use some advice.

Just minutes ago I had a major fracas with DS(15). It was that bloody xbox that did it. Things have steadily been going down hill for months - cheek, not helping with chores, have to nag to get everything done, fighting 24/7 with family... We always follow through, try to have natural consequences, yanno from parenting 101.

But tonight (we live in NZ), DS is in the attic where we have a sort of teen hideout, playing on xbox live. We've been entertaining the neighbours and DS has been a disgrace all night. Grunting when spoken to, sulked because we asked him to eat at the table and not up in the den, swore at DS and I. I was mortified. And so so furious. Even writing those words now is making me sweat with rage.

So after they head home I go to have a word. Consequence will be no xbox for 5 days. I'm talking to DS, he jams him headset back on, gives me this horrible sneer, and them says "you don't control me bitch". Then he turns back to the screen and says to his mate "sorry, I was just putting my mother in her place".

The red mist just descended.

I went straight over to that fucking machine and threw it out the window. It's now lying smashed to pieces on the path.

Oh shit shit shit. Still not a good way to handle things. I'm now swinging between frothing wildly at the mouth and wanting to you upstairs and blast him, and wanting to slap myself for blowing my cool so spectacularly.

DS is in shock and hasn't emerge since I stormed from the room.

Do I go up and talk?

Oh God. Can't I just go back and make a better, calmer decision?

OP posts:
Thisisaeuphemism · 16/04/2013 12:21

Dont go up. Don't apologise. Wait til everyone has calmed down tomorrow.

I think you did a good thing.

freddiemisagreatshag · 16/04/2013 12:22

Well, he won't be such a smart mouth the next time will he?

I don't think it does teens any harm to see adults lose their cool occasionally. I'd not be replacing the x-box either.

awkwardsis · 16/04/2013 12:22

I don't think you handled it badly at all. I'd sit down with a cup of tea (or wine), calm down and wait for him to come down and apologise. Putting you in your place indeed. He's lucky it was the X Box and not him through the window frankly.

QueenOfFarkingEverything · 16/04/2013 12:23

Well..... maybe not the textbook way of handling it but tbh I think he deserved it. I should bloody well hope he is 'in shock' and maybe, just maybe, that shock will make him think carefully about how he speaks to you in future.

DeWe · 16/04/2013 12:23

Sorry but it made me chuckle. I'd love to have seen your ds's face at that point.
Don't apologise. He now knows he's gone too far. I'm guessing no x-box for a bit more than 5 days now though, which is right after he said that to you.
When things are calmer you can discuss what he can do to earn another, maybe? I doubt you'll get far on insurance for that.

TobyLerone · 16/04/2013 12:23

This is probably spectacularly unhelpful, but I think this is amusing because it's something I would do. And I can just imagine his face when you did it!

This is the ultimate in 'following through with your threats'! And I think he deserved it. How dare he speak to you like that?

HobKnob · 16/04/2013 12:23

Sounds like he deserved that one.

QueenOfFarkingEverything · 16/04/2013 12:23

Oh and DO NOT REPLACE IT no matter how guilty you feel or how thick he lays it on.

CatelynStark · 16/04/2013 12:24

Good for you! I'd do the same if one of mine was that rude to me!

FruitSaladIsNotPudding · 16/04/2013 12:24

I think you did the right thing! It's absolutely clear he crossed a line.

TobyLerone · 16/04/2013 12:24

X-posted with everyone!

schobe · 16/04/2013 12:24

Totally not an overreaction. I don't blame you.

Do not apologise, he crossed so far over the line that the line was just a dot to him.

Betrayedbutsurvived · 16/04/2013 12:24

I think you were remarkably restrained.

finickypinickity · 16/04/2013 12:24

The only thing i would be annoyed about is that the X box could have been sold for a bit of money, other than that i wouldnt be overly bothered.

Leave him to it for now and wait until you feel a tiny bit more rational before having the chat.

He put you in your place and you put his x box in its place.

freddiemisagreatshag · 16/04/2013 12:25

And yes in my house he'd have been told he was bloody lucky it wasn't him out the window.

Cheeky wee skitter.

TheLateMrPamuk · 16/04/2013 12:25

You did the right thing.

Original poster
survivingthechildren · 16/04/2013 12:26

Ha! awkwardsis Well if I could lift him up that would have been my first call!

OK, I think I will wait til things have settled before talking to him. Thanks ladies, this parenting lark is rotten at times isn't it.

OP posts:
purrpurr · 16/04/2013 12:26

Good for you OP. Who does your son think he is, Jesse Pinkman?

SomeKindOfDeliciousBiscuit · 16/04/2013 12:26

You did a good thing, the right thing!
An overreaction would have been if you'd chucked him out of the window Grin

myflabberisgasted · 16/04/2013 12:26

Another one here to say good for you!!

Do not apologise, no one deserves to be spoken to like that!

Growlithe · 16/04/2013 12:26

That is what I would call a natural consequence.

ScrambledSmegs · 16/04/2013 12:26

Yep, maybe not textbook parenting, but I bet he thinks before being such a little shit again.

Bringmewineandcake · 16/04/2013 12:27

I would also leave it for the night.
Maybe not the "correct" thing but without it perhaps you'll all see the benefit!
And how dare he treat you like that, drastic action was required. Have a Brew

MrsYamada · 16/04/2013 12:27

I know it was a bad reaction but I can totally understand how you got there! Agree with waiting until everyone has calmed down before talking.

ElleMcFearsome · 16/04/2013 12:27

Ok, first off take some breaths and have a cup of tea. Don't do anything for a bit.

You lost your rag, we all do that sometimes. Honestly, being called a bitch and then informing friend that he was 'putting you in your place' WTAF? I'd have lost my temper (which only happens about every 5 years!)

Mothers have feelings as well. Doesn't necessarily do teens any harm to realise that. I'm quite Angry on your behalf!!

Do you have a DP? Only asking because you might want to sing from the same hymn sheet with regard to where you go from here?

Sorry not to be much help! But seriously, have a cuppa first and just let some of the adrenalin subside.

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