Oh Christ what have I done. First post here, but have really blown it and could use some advice.
Just minutes ago I had a major fracas with DS(15). It was that bloody xbox that did it. Things have steadily been going down hill for months - cheek, not helping with chores, have to nag to get everything done, fighting 24/7 with family... We always follow through, try to have natural consequences, yanno from parenting 101.
But tonight (we live in NZ), DS is in the attic where we have a sort of teen hideout, playing on xbox live. We've been entertaining the neighbours and DS has been a disgrace all night. Grunting when spoken to, sulked because we asked him to eat at the table and not up in the den, swore at DS and I. I was mortified. And so so furious. Even writing those words now is making me sweat with rage.
So after they head home I go to have a word. Consequence will be no xbox for 5 days. I'm talking to DS, he jams him headset back on, gives me this horrible sneer, and them says "you don't control me bitch". Then he turns back to the screen and says to his mate "sorry, I was just putting my mother in her place".
The red mist just descended.
I went straight over to that fucking machine and threw it out the window. It's now lying smashed to pieces on the path.
Oh shit shit shit. Still not a good way to handle things. I'm now swinging between frothing wildly at the mouth and wanting to you upstairs and blast him, and wanting to slap myself for blowing my cool so spectacularly.
DS is in shock and hasn't emerge since I stormed from the room.
Do I go up and talk?
Oh God. Can't I just go back and make a better, calmer decision?
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Well shit. I handled that one badly.
survivingthechildren · 16/04/2013 12:19
Your reaction is completely understandable given the way he spoke to you. In your place I would have confiscated the xbox for a good long time, if not permanently. I would have done this partly as a sanction for unacceptable behaviour and partly because he clearly needs to realise that he is capable of living a fulfilling life without it.
Obviously throwing it out of the window wasn't great although it was very effective in terms of confiscation. My worry would be that he sees this as an acceptable way to respond when things make you angry and starts doing something similar to your belongings.
I think you need to acknowledge to him that you lost control and regret the destructive nature of your action. This must come with an explanation of how how his appalling comments made you feel of course and telling him that you would have confiscated it anyway. You need to give him a chance the say how he feels too. Was he perhaps embarrassed that his mate heard you giving him a dressing down and this caused him to make a major misjudgment about the best way to save face?
Hopefully, once you've found a calmer time to talk this through properly then you can apologise to each other and work out some changes to prevent this from happening again once the xbox is replaced, however that happens
I wonder how he's going to explain his sudden disconnection to his mate 
Best reaction ever. Here, have a parenting medal and a 
.
Honestly.
I remember tales of my (Navy Captain) grandfather putting my uncle's head into the wall because he reached across the table for the ketchup instead of asking. That was overreacting.
Your DS is/was being massively disrespectful. He needs a lot right now, and a fucking XBox isn't one of the things he needs.
And I'm sorry, yes, parenting isn't easy. :( Good luck tomorrow.
Thanks K8 need to stop wedging stealth newborn comments on random threads, people will start to call me on it 
Well I take my hat off to you OP as it'll have certainly done the trick. I can imagine being that angry and I can imagine doing it myself.
I hope I wouldn't though . . . I have to confess to a strong sense of discomfort reading the replies as I can see the Mumsnet Double Standard in play.
What would we all say about a man who broke his wife's expensive possession by throwing it out of a window because she wasn't giving him enough respect? And getting high-fives from all his mates who said she asked for that and she was lucky he didn't chuck her out too?
(and also I expect that telling him off "in front of" the on-screen mate was what encouraged him to be so appallingly rude, because you had made him lose face in front of him: ' ha ha your Mummy came in and told you off and took your ickle x-box away.')
Was the window already open? I almost hope it wasn't. That would have been awesome. 
Floggingmolly - my ds3 has said some dreadful things to me, whilst in the grip of 14/15-year-old attitude - and sadly I never did what the OP did - which might have given him the shock he needed.
I can say, though, that now, at nearly 16, he is coming out the other side of it all, and is reverting to being a half-way decent human being again. He still has flashes of temper, but is getting better at controlling it, and seems to have gained a bit more calmness and perspective.
I read somewhere that teenage boys' brains are going through so much change during the teenage years that they temporarily lose some abilities - like empathy and some self control - but that it does come back as they mature - and ds3 seems to bear this out.
Of course, my mum says that ds3 was no more than I deserved, because ds1 and ds2 were pretty easy during their teenage years. Thanks mum!
Oh and Flogging, if you think a 12 year old has attitude, wait til they hit 14/15
Plus, DS1 never had attitude like DS2. DS3 doesn't either but DD1 is coming close.
Depends on the youngster.
I assume the window was open???
I think it wasn't textbook parenting but bloody hell you were provoked. How bloody dare he (1) speak to you like that and (2) speak ABOUT you like that. How bloody dare he?
Do NOT apologise. And I would just keep saying "how dare you speak to me like that? How dare you?".
Is the xbox his or joint? If joint with other DCs I might replace it but he would be banned. Totally banned for 6 months. Till he learns some bloody respect.
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surviving i'm laughing so hard at the image of your DS sat with his ridiculous Madonna headphones on whilst you throw the machine out the window. At least his mate who was listening in has learnt a very valuable lesson of how not to speak to his mother
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