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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

14yr old dd just realised her parents have sex ...

32 replies

QOD · 01/04/2013 21:54

And is mortified and has cried.

Is this normal? Freakin Nora .... We're aware she's very innocent and immature, she read a text from dh to me, light heartedly requesting a "shag". My stupid fault, I was driving and asked her what it said ...

I think we will never be able to do it again, dh came up into the bedroom where I'm watching TV and she came right up behind him ...

OP posts:
MerryMessiahWhingesAgain · 01/04/2013 21:56
Grin

Oh dear. I don't know what to say. My mum had another baby when I was 12 so I has no illusions...

FeralStreep · 01/04/2013 21:56

My ds1 used to hide mine and stbxh's condoms.

The cleaner found them secreted all over the bedroom and put them in a paper bag Blush

She'll get over it.

EggyFucker · 01/04/2013 21:58

I think that is an over reaction from a 14yo, tbqh

Original poster
QOD · 01/04/2013 21:58

Honestly though, hands up to face in horror, asking why, crying, saying please tell me its not when I'm in the house ... Jeez

Thing is, she knows that with me, ask me a question and I tell the truth ... Been a bit weekend, she found out what"molest" means yesterday too Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
QOD · 01/04/2013 21:59

Me too eggyfucker ... I mean I'm kinda laughing but I'm also shocked that's she's SO shocked

OP posts:
ihearsounds · 01/04/2013 21:59

Doesn't she know about the facts of life then?

Original poster
QOD · 01/04/2013 22:00

She does I hearssounds ... Moot point though, as she's a surrogate baby and knows how THAT happened (not by sex)

OP posts:
ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 01/04/2013 22:01

You're going to have to sit down and have a frank conversation with her, aren't you?

EggyFucker · 01/04/2013 22:01

Well, I had to check if this was "chat" and meant to be a lighthearted thread before I replied

but I would expect a 14yo to be quietly mortified, not to do the full-on drama queen act

Hassled · 01/04/2013 22:02

It is quite an unusual reaction from a 14 year old, I have to say. It makes me wonder how she sees sex - as something dirty and smutty, or as the natural part of a loving relationship? I think you should probably ask.

Fairylea · 01/04/2013 22:05

I would have reacted like your dd... I was really terribly embarrassed about sex as a young teen even though my mum was extremely open about it all. The thought of my mum having sex still freaks me out even as an adult! And I have no sexual hang ups at all.

I'd just say you and dh love each other, that sex in a loving relationship is healthy.... and then leave it there and never ever mention it again! It will pass.

MayTheOddsBeEverInYourFavour · 01/04/2013 22:09

I think she's really overreacting. Of course no teenager or anyone wants to think about their parents 'doing it' but it's a part of life and she needs to accept that

I also have a policy of honesty with my teenagers especially about sex but somethings are private, so they know we have sex but I'm not willing to discuss the where/when/how oftens of the situation

Maybe you could sit down with her and say that yes you understand she doesn't like the thought but you will be discreat and she will have to accept it as a fact of life. You are adults and your sex life has nothing to do with her

Bluelightsandsirens · 01/04/2013 22:11

My 11 year old was quite grossed out when she realised we still do it even though we don't want any more children.

14 is quite old to be having meltdowns at mummy and daddy doing the deed.

My DD asked if I watch TV whilst having sex...

MooMooSkit · 01/04/2013 22:14

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

flow4 · 01/04/2013 22:16

This feels like a bit of a personal thing to say QOD, but you're here asking for views sooo... I can't help wondering whether there is some kind of connection between her freak-out now and her feelings about her own conception? It's always a bit dodgy attempting to play pop-psychologist, but maybe the feelings she's expressing now, apparently towards you, partly reflect her feelings about herself?

I wonder because I have lesbian friends who have a son conceived by AI from an unknown donor, and around the same age, he had a bit of a freak-out about the whole idea of sex, and told everyone - including life-long friends who already knew and accepted his parents - that his mum and 'other mum' were not lesbians, but just friends who happened to share a house... Hmm He's now 17, and has a girlfriend himself, and is > hem < perfectly fine about the idea of sex... Grin I'm guessing your DD will also get over it - especially since, as you say, you are very straightforward about sex yourself.

Original poster
QOD · 01/04/2013 22:17

I have tried tonight but I've dropped it for now, will resume tomorrow or possibly weds when we have a day together.

Ah bless, she's probably emotionally about 12. Not interested in boys, or going out, we live in a small village, she goes to an all girls school .... It's all very odd though. I'm very confident in person, loud, rude and a bit crude, and none of it has rubbed off on her.

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Original poster
QOD · 01/04/2013 22:19

You could be right flow4

Ho hum.

OP posts:
NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 01/04/2013 22:19

God I would just have passed out at that age...not asked if it were true!

EggyFucker · 01/04/2013 22:19

well, she doesn't have to be "rude and crude" but at 14, she is old enough to understand that her parent's sex life is actually none of her business

the hissy fit wouldn't have been well tolerated here, tbh

Original poster
QOD · 01/04/2013 22:25

Wasn't much tolerated here, grips were offered!!

OP posts:
EggyFucker · 01/04/2013 22:28
Smile

I would leave it, tbh

However, any repeated incidents of stalking either you or your H to kybosh any sexual shenanigans by her would get short shrift too

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 01/04/2013 22:35

oh god, I've just remembered! When I was 12 I was on holiday with my sister staying with friends of our parents in france and they had this big magazine they wanted us to take back for my mum.

Well, I went through it and I stapled pages together Blush anything with bare flesh or which was sexy.

I can't believe I'd forgotten about that. My parents' friends tried very hard not to laugh at me but much french was spoken and I suspect they were having a good giggle. Blush

I think that kids probably go through a super prudish phase.

MedusaIsHavingABadHairDay · 02/04/2013 11:03

I was 15 and an only child when my Mum told me she was pregnant.
I was absolutely gobsmacked Grin
I just assumed that people over 30 didn't DO THAT!!

Funny now I'm 45 it doesn't seem sooooo old!

She'll recover...:)

purpleroses · 02/04/2013 14:39

It probably was a real shock to her. We tell them the facts of life, but what is actually normal for adults (and parents, in particular) to do is not something I think they necessarily pick up.

My 13 year old DS knows all the facts of sex, but the other day made some throwaway comment about me having done it twice in my life (on the grounds that I have two children...Hmm) I would have thought his understanding would be a bit more sophisticated than that, but it seems not. I guess most kids have to deal with the fact that their parents have done it at least once though, whereas your DD possibly hasn't if she was conceived via surrogacy - maybe she's had some idea in her head that you and DH didn't ever do that.

SPsFanjoTheBigStickyHaribo · 02/04/2013 14:45

Purple My mum has 7 kids and has only done it 7 times. She only does it to make babies obviously. Grin I'm 22 and I tell myself that!

I used to send my little brothers in if thought mum and dad were at it to ask questions Blush Grin