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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teenagers

14yr old dd just realised her parents have sex ...

32 replies

QOD · 01/04/2013 21:54

And is mortified and has cried.

Is this normal? Freakin Nora .... We're aware she's very innocent and immature, she read a text from dh to me, light heartedly requesting a "shag". My stupid fault, I was driving and asked her what it said ...

I think we will never be able to do it again, dh came up into the bedroom where I'm watching TV and she came right up behind him ...

OP posts:

Report

MrsHoarder · 03/04/2013 13:06

Is it possible that having hard she want conceived naturally she thought you'd never had sex? Just because of so many children thinking mum and dad only had sex enough times to account for all of them.

And lol asst proof to the parents that you have had sex. We'd been together years, married for two and dmil still pointed out shocked that this meant dh had had sex. Obviously only the once though

sanityseeker75 · 03/04/2013 12:51

When I was 16 (many years ago!) My best friend used to be so traumatised by the idea of her parents at it she went to bed with her walkman and headphones. Now she has 6 kids! Funny how she clearly got over it

Startail · 02/04/2013 22:46

My Dmum is a perceptive soul, when her quiet, but very determined DD starts staying the weekend with a 'boy' who she just met, who lives 80 miles away she knows it's serious.

I'd done plenty of going out dancing and drinking from 14 and had no track record of collecting bfs. One sweet, but boring one in my first year at university was the lot until I met DH.

SPsFanjoTheBigStickyHaribo · 02/04/2013 16:14

Star if my mum knows I'm going on a date she will text me to remind me shes doesn't wish to be a nanna again anytime soon

The hardest thing about telling my mum i was pregnant wasn't the fact I was going to have a baby it was the fact that she now had proof I had had sex

Startail · 02/04/2013 15:59

I can't imagine an age at which my DDs didn't know their parents have sex. There is always jokes and banter here.

Cruder as they they get older, older but I can't imagine them ever being surprised.

My childhood home had paper thin walls. I used to ask Ddad if they'd had fun and DMum would pretend to be embarrassed.

She wasn't, she doesn't have a vulgar sense of humour most of the time, but she's the practical one who knew DH and I slept together on our first date and checked quietly we were being careful.She used to wandered in with breakfast in bed for us.

QOD · 02/04/2013 15:43

Glad she's not the only one then!

No mention yet today but I will be taking the firmer, not really any of your business and grow up a bit dear line I think.

Funny, my parents were always at it, second marriage and all that. She's just very literal and young.

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Groovee · 02/04/2013 14:52

My dd is 13 and gets very stressed when dh and I joke about "feather time" (linked to a joke in the film they get shown during sex ed). But I have pointed out to her that it's perfectly natural for people to have sex and that it is a lovely experience.

SPsFanjoTheBigStickyHaribo · 02/04/2013 14:45

Purple My mum has 7 kids and has only done it 7 times. She only does it to make babies obviously. I'm 22 and I tell myself that!

I used to send my little brothers in if thought mum and dad were at it to ask questions

purpleroses · 02/04/2013 14:39

It probably was a real shock to her. We tell them the facts of life, but what is actually normal for adults (and parents, in particular) to do is not something I think they necessarily pick up.

My 13 year old DS knows all the facts of sex, but the other day made some throwaway comment about me having done it twice in my life (on the grounds that I have two children...) I would have thought his understanding would be a bit more sophisticated than that, but it seems not. I guess most kids have to deal with the fact that their parents have done it at least once though, whereas your DD possibly hasn't if she was conceived via surrogacy - maybe she's had some idea in her head that you and DH didn't ever do that.

MedusaIsHavingABadHairDay · 02/04/2013 11:03

I was 15 and an only child when my Mum told me she was pregnant.
I was absolutely gobsmacked
I just assumed that people over 30 didn't DO THAT!!

Funny now I'm 45 it doesn't seem sooooo old!

She'll recover...:)

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 01/04/2013 22:35

oh god, I've just remembered! When I was 12 I was on holiday with my sister staying with friends of our parents in france and they had this big magazine they wanted us to take back for my mum.

Well, I went through it and I stapled pages together anything with bare flesh or which was sexy.

I can't believe I'd forgotten about that. My parents' friends tried very hard not to laugh at me but much french was spoken and I suspect they were having a good giggle.

I think that kids probably go through a super prudish phase.

EggyFucker · 01/04/2013 22:28

I would leave it, tbh

However, any repeated incidents of stalking either you or your H to kybosh any sexual shenanigans by her would get short shrift too

QOD · 01/04/2013 22:25

Wasn't much tolerated here, grips were offered!!

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EggyFucker · 01/04/2013 22:19

well, she doesn't have to be "rude and crude" but at 14, she is old enough to understand that her parent's sex life is actually none of her business

the hissy fit wouldn't have been well tolerated here, tbh

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 01/04/2013 22:19

God I would just have passed out at that age...not asked if it were true!

QOD · 01/04/2013 22:19

You could be right flow4

Ho hum.

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QOD · 01/04/2013 22:17

I have tried tonight but I've dropped it for now, will resume tomorrow or possibly weds when we have a day together.

Ah bless, she's probably emotionally about 12. Not interested in boys, or going out, we live in a small village, she goes to an all girls school .... It's all very odd though. I'm very confident in person, loud, rude and a bit crude, and none of it has rubbed off on her.

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flow4 · 01/04/2013 22:16

This feels like a bit of a personal thing to say QOD, but you're here asking for views sooo... I can't help wondering whether there is some kind of connection between her freak-out now and her feelings about her own conception? It's always a bit dodgy attempting to play pop-psychologist, but maybe the feelings she's expressing now, apparently towards you, partly reflect her feelings about herself?

I wonder because I have lesbian friends who have a son conceived by AI from an unknown donor, and around the same age, he had a bit of a freak-out about the whole idea of sex, and told everyone - including life-long friends who already knew and accepted his parents - that his mum and 'other mum' were not lesbians, but just friends who happened to share a house... He's now 17, and has a girlfriend himself, and is > hem < perfectly fine about the idea of sex... I'm guessing your DD will also get over it - especially since, as you say, you are very straightforward about sex yourself.

MooMooSkit · 01/04/2013 22:14

You could probably have a quiet word with her just to find out like someone says, if she views sex as a healthy part of a relationship etc but tbh, it seems a bit of a standard teen reaction, albiet, slightly ott but pretty typical. I still have memories from being in the back seat with my best friend at 14 and her dad saying to her mum "you got any c-o-n-d-o-m-s" for later thinking we were totally unaware and I burst out laughing with my friend blushing telling her dad he was "disgusting"

Bluelightsandsirens · 01/04/2013 22:11

My 11 year old was quite grossed out when she realised we still do it even though we don't want any more children.

14 is quite old to be having meltdowns at mummy and daddy doing the deed.

My DD asked if I watch TV whilst having sex...

MayTheOddsBeEverInYourFavour · 01/04/2013 22:09

I think she's really overreacting. Of course no teenager or anyone wants to think about their parents 'doing it' but it's a part of life and she needs to accept that

I also have a policy of honesty with my teenagers especially about sex but somethings are private, so they know we have sex but I'm not willing to discuss the where/when/how oftens of the situation

Maybe you could sit down with her and say that yes you understand she doesn't like the thought but you will be discreat and she will have to accept it as a fact of life. You are adults and your sex life has nothing to do with her

Fairylea · 01/04/2013 22:05

I would have reacted like your dd... I was really terribly embarrassed about sex as a young teen even though my mum was extremely open about it all. The thought of my mum having sex still freaks me out even as an adult! And I have no sexual hang ups at all.

I'd just say you and dh love each other, that sex in a loving relationship is healthy.... and then leave it there and never ever mention it again! It will pass.

Hassled · 01/04/2013 22:02

It is quite an unusual reaction from a 14 year old, I have to say. It makes me wonder how she sees sex - as something dirty and smutty, or as the natural part of a loving relationship? I think you should probably ask.

EggyFucker · 01/04/2013 22:01

Well, I had to check if this was "chat" and meant to be a lighthearted thread before I replied

but I would expect a 14yo to be quietly mortified, not to do the full-on drama queen act

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 01/04/2013 22:01

You're going to have to sit down and have a frank conversation with her, aren't you?

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