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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

my teenage son is now in the bedroom with his girlfriend! what do I do !!!!

16 replies

bubblepop · 08/12/2012 15:04

theyve been going steady now for a while...he's 16 and in the last year of secondary school. Usually they go into our conservatory and watch tv,listen to music, but now theyve both just sneaked upstairs whilst ive been seeing to my younger children!
What do I do / do I go up there and tell them to come down? eeeek.!
We havn't actually discussed whether or not they can go up there or not. The only conversaton we have had is last week when I got him on his own and told him that he MUST take precautions if him and her were to take things to the next level so to speak. He was highly embarrassed after that talk, and shouted at me! Although I had told him where our local family planning clinic was and where he could get free condoms from...omg ive just realised by that having that talk with him ive given him the green go ahead light....but then they would have done anyway wouldn't they....somebody please calm me down !!!!!

OP posts:

MamaGeekChic · 08/12/2012 15:06

How old is she?

Wetthemogwai · 08/12/2012 15:08

Is she 16 too? If so there's nothing you can do really (or should do IMO)

You've had the conversation and he's legal, they've been together a while so no problem as far as I'd be concerned :)

BertieBotts · 08/12/2012 15:09

Go up, either ask them to come down if you're not happy about them being up there, or tell them they need to keep the door open.

Just because you've had a talk about safe sex it doesn't mean you have to give them the perfect conditions to do it in your home. If you feel really awkward saying this then you could say it's to do with the younger children if you want an excuse? But you really shouldn't feel embarrassed, your house, your rules :)

Marne · 08/12/2012 15:10

It does sound like your ds may think 'your little chat' has given them the green light to go upstairs. If they are both 16 or over then i dont see that there is much you can do, you just have to trust that they are responsible enough to use protection.

MaryQueenOfSpots · 08/12/2012 15:11

I think your meant to go and vacumn loudly outside his room, then knock and ask if they want a cuppa. Make inane chit chat.

Thank god my DS is only 4 - but my mum did all of the above annoying things

CelineMcBean · 08/12/2012 15:13

Take them up a cup of tea and chill out. I expect it's probably just enthusiastic snogging. If they are both over the age of consent you need to lay down some clear ground rules about staying over and what behaviour is expected when they are both under your roof.

If you want him to be responsible and use contraceptives buy them and give them to him but explain you do not want them to rush into anything and agree what the ground rules are.

Talking about contraceptives does not make dc more likely to have sex. It just means that when they do it makes it more likely they will use contraception. Having sex is not a problem but unhealthy relationships, regrets, unsafe sex and having sex in risky places are.

OrangeLily · 08/12/2012 15:17

Be honest with them. Tell them it makes you uncomfortable and you're perhaps worried about setting an example to the younger DCs?

Or try to relax and go out?

squishyotter · 08/12/2012 15:19

I think they are definitely having sex in his bedroom!

MsElleTow · 08/12/2012 15:20

I have 2 teen boys, one 18 next week, one 16 on Christmas Eve!

I was going to say tell them to come down if you're not happy, but can imagine the embarrassment that could cause all round etc.

Oh, I don't know what I'd do! This parenting lark is easy until you're faced with the problem isn't it! I hope he is being sensible OP, maybe the hoovering outside the door is a good idea!

lilibet · 08/12/2012 15:21

Are you happy with them having sex in your house during the day? (I have two ds's 19 and 16). If you are ok with it you need to make sure that the younger ones don't barge in, probably time for a family chat about privacy and make it a rule that no one goes in anyone else's room without knocking and waiting for permission.

If you're not happy with it, you need to knock, wait a moment, and then ask them to come downstairs to help with something/watch a film with the others/play a game and then when you can get your son on his own, lay down some ground rules about under what circumstances they are allowed in his room together. Would you be fine with it if the door was open for example?

And then when you have a minute, make a read this and feel my pain. www.mumsnet.com/Talk/teenagers/1312643-Ive-just-walked-in-on-ds1-having-sex

stayathomegardener · 08/12/2012 15:22

jeeze,just text him that should disrupt anything nicely

Original poster

bubblepop · 09/12/2012 07:24

ive just read it lillibet..soo funny to read but obviously not funny for you! Ive just had a root around in his room last night after he went out....there are condoms in there so what a huge relief. However, I don't know HER exact age....shes in year 11 and seems very sensible, but she could actally be only 15..I don't know when her birthday is ,...yet. Will ask ds tonight. If she is only 15 I will have to stress to him about waiting....although I expect its a bit late for that !

OP posts:

lilibet · 10/12/2012 13:43

The condoms are a very good sign though, at least he is being thoughtful, but you do need the chat if she is 15.

Ds2's gf is 16 today [phew]

MistletoeAndTomHardyPlease · 10/12/2012 13:46

ARE you uncomfortable? I mean to the point where you do not want it happening? of course you will be slightly uncomfortable with it.

If they are going to have sex would you not rather it was somewhere nice?

DH and I were at it straight after school every night. We got home an hour before his mum though so we had time

HECTheHallsWithRowsAndFolly · 10/12/2012 13:47

I'd have a Door Open policy if she's 15 and he's 16!

Be in your bedroom if you like, but if that door gets shut, I'll make you come downstairs!

ArkadyRose · 10/12/2012 13:53

Frankly I'd rather they were doing it safely with condoms in his bedroom than somewhere in a park if he were my son. I don't understand parents getting precious over their teens getting a sex life; it's a normal part of growing up. He's legally old enough, after all. I think it's completely unreasonable for parents to expect their adult children to live like monks and nuns at home; after all, you have sex with your partner in your own bedroom - why shouldn't he have sex with his own chosen partner in his?

There comes a time when you do have to step back and acknowledge they are not children any more.

(For the record, my eldest two are 20 and 18. Eldest started doing it in parks with her BF until I pointed out she had a perfectly good bed here at home. At least here I can make sure there are condoms on hand instead of relying on them remembering in the heat of the moment.)

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