Support thread for parents of multiple teenagers.

[alistron1]

I have 3 teenagers, they are 13 (boy) 14.5 (girl) and 15.5 (girl) I shall mostly be talking about:

Food - how much do they sodding eat?

The fact that they are sullen introverted beasts whenever you want to go somewhere or do something - but as SOON as you sit down to watch something that YOU would like to see on YOUR tv they rock up and witter at you nonstop about various fascinating topics ( "Have you heard about X who's got this amazing youtube channel, it's hilarious..." "You know my friends neighbours aunts cousins daughter, well she....." "I made this awesome axe on minecraft....")

The constant sneering derision about my life/clothes/interests but if my stuff isn't nailed down it gets 'borrowed'.

The many and varied prima donna moments over the most trivial of things " Where are the black tights, I HATE you, you're controlling and you've got me under house arrest..."

Their pits aka bedrooms aka health hazards

The fact that if I need a charger for something or my headphones they have been appropriated

And finally, that unlike toddlers they are in your face until nearly bloody midnight!!

And with 3 of them there is a non stop caravan of hormones, drama, requests for cash, hormones, tantrums, hormones.

I think that's about it for now.

:D

One of mine has gone to granny, the other is too cool. The grannified one has facebooked about his annoying little brother, so I wish granny luck with dealing with the bickering.

Meanwhile I've declined to wash DDs clothes on the basis that she has left them on the floor for two weeks and they are minging and they stick. SHe is whinging that she has no undies. Ha ha ha ha ha. SHe will have to put her hands in the hamper of doom.

DS is out, no idea where.

There is def. a girl involved, despite his vehement denials.

Tip for KatieScarletts DS

If you don't want your mum to know about your sudden need for condoms, don't ask your sister for them, she tells me everything. Love, mum xxx

Lol hamper of doom.

Mine are lucky as I do get anal about the washing, and do 3 loads a day. So as long as the clothes are in the basket, they get a quick turnaround.

I threatened ds that every evening he failed to put his dirty clothes in the wash, I would take away £1 of his holiday dosh. He's only lost £2 so far, so he CAN do it.

Coping with the mood swings/drama caused by boyfriends means that I am DREADING my DS getting a girlfriend. He can't arrange his social life with his friends - will I be having to text his GF to make 'proper' arrangements?!

LOL at the condom thing though - at least he's (vaguely) sensible

alistron I always think that about my ds1. He is actually incapable or too lazy to make arrangements with anyone.

He would rather not go somewhere than pick up the phone to make arrangements or find out what time something starts or where they are meeting.

Unless someone tells him or comes to my door to actually collect him he stays on the sofa in boxer shorts.

I have visions of sending his girlfriend texts
this is tantrums DS mum. He would like to take you to the cinema. However you will have to come and get him because he will never call or text you to make arrangements even though his blackberry is surgically attached to his hand*

Or 'This is Alistron1's DS mum - he will be at the wedding soon, if the bride could let us know where the wedding is happening and exactly what time it starts he'll be there. Hopefully without the dressing gown'

And 'PS - hopefully the service won't be longer than 10 minutes. If he doesn't eat at 15 minute intervals he can't cope. No need for proper food, just slices of ham, handfuls of cereal and bottles of milk to swig from. Yours, the MIL you will be posting about on AIBU within the week xxx '

Oh yes, Dear ds1 wife Please remember that ds1 will have to be removed by force from the dressing gown. It's take a few hours. If you could let me know about 6 hours before you actually give birth I will do my best to have him there. He may still be wearing yesterday's boxers though. And you will be required to provide him with a packed lunch and if you could just make sure you tell us the exact time the baby will be born as he has the attention span of a gnat and won't last a whole 8 hour labour.

If we wed your DS1 to my DD1, they could hold the cermony sitting on the sofa in their respective dressing gowns, while eating pringles and facebooking and watching crap american cartoons.

Sounds like a match made in heaven.

DD even has a grey white dressing gown!

Brilliant idea. DS is wearing black dressing gown so perfect.
Quick I do over Facebook, no need to have a shower, his idea of heaven.

Its OK, DD will overdose on LUSH soapiness, so her fragrance will overpower any pong from your DS. Actually, lynx is known as shower in a can, so its all good. They dont even have to sit next to eachother, they could skype their I DOs.

actually (warming to this idea) can you imagine...

Him: Hi sexy ur lookin fit
Her: IKR
Him: Im well up for dis party
Her: Yer sameage lolz
Him: So you wanna?
Her: ALright. You wanna?
Him: Yeah can do.

Vicar: I now pronounce you husband and wife.

Him: Whatever, move out the way, spongebobs on.
Her: Lolz

Ds1-yeah u look bare nice. But y'know I swear down I 4got wot time we woz s'posed to do tis ting.
We cool tho yh?

My mum will txt ur mum bout nxt time
Laterz

And just so you know that is exactly how he speaks

Good luck with him.

Or bare gud lk as DS would say.

I can hear him! Its just a bit deeper than my DS1 - innit.

Innit tho. I swear down bro. She's bare butters.

I've got no fucking idea what any of that means.

If anyone can beat this for the most ridiculous random stupid convo I will give you a million pounds.
(well I wont cos I'm skint but you get the drift.

Me-ds1 I've found you a wife
Ds1-uh?
Me-yep, all sorted, hattifatteners dd is perfect for you, she even has a matching dressing gown and you don't even have to shower, you can Skype her
Ds1-uh. Whatever. I dunno what you are talking about. Have you been out in the sun too much
Me- no, I was chatting to another mumsnetter, she has the perfect wife for you.
Ds1-yeah. Ok. Tell her to Facebook me.
Dd is listening

Dd- mum
Me-yep
Dd- I'm pretty offended to be honest. You don't ever talk about me on mumsnet do you. Ive never heard you say you have found the perfect husband for me. Why is that? Do you think DS is better? Do you think he's the perfect husband? Cos he's not you know. He is an idiot.

Me- what on earth is wrong with you? Do you WANT me to find you a husband?
Dd- no thank you very much. I can find one myself if I want to. I'm not an idiot. DS is an idiot. And he smells.
Me- so if you don't want me to find you a mumsnet husband whats the problem?
Dd- well it would have been nice if you had thought of it.

WTAF

Really WTAF

I give up

lolz at the weddingz. I reckon you two should set up a business - get MTV to film it all 'teen weddingzzz momzz'

I bet ur both bare dank. And hench. lulz (I have no idea what I've just said)

Hench. DS loves that word. He thinks he is it. I don't know what it means but dd assures me he is not hench.

He says bait a lot as well, as in "that was bare bait"

I just nod my head and say "really"

Urban dictionary actually helps in these cases. Hench is someone big, strong or muscular. Bare is very. Bait is a cute boy or girl that you are interested in.

Tantrums, I did mention I have a younger teen - just 13 - for your DD. We could save on the cost of pringles. If she fancies a younger man. SHe will need an encyclopaedic knowledge of supercars, like the smell of chlorine, and like eating vast quantities.

Oh then dd is right. He isn't hench.

Younger man? She'd rather die. Imagine the embarrassment on BBM if anyone knew!!!