new driver -how far would you let them drive

[sugarice]

My 17 ds is off to Wakestock in July with 8 mates. Their plan originally was that his friend who I'll call Malcolm would be qualified to drive and take himself, my boy and two mates in his car . Malcolm still hasn't passed his practical and to be honest I am hoping that he doesn't until after the festival. I have always told ds that we are unhappy at Malcolm driving as it's a fair distance from our town and Malcolm is completely inexperienced at driving on motorways etc. My ds has done that teenage thing of it'll be fine, no worries etc. I can't speak to Malcolm's Mum as she has remarried ,I don't know her or her Surname and ds won't ask Malcolm as I'm being unreasonable apparently!. I should add that my dh has offered to drive and pick them up but ds says that's not necessary. Now we are in May I'm getting worried .I have told him that I'm very very unhappy and concerned about the travel arrangements, particularly the return drive when Malcolm may still be knackered! . We've never had any issues with ds as he's always been sensible and is aware that my nagging we are concerned for his and the other's safety. Any ideas from more experienced Mum's of boys about how I handle this other than physically prevent him getting in the car .Thanks for reading to the end if you have done.

Sorry no advice on how to prevent him going with his mates but I just wanted to say I completely understand.

Stop being so bloody precious!

How far is Wakestock from your home?

unless I am missing something in your post, Malcolm has not passed his test, right? Does he have a date to sit it? Wait and see if he passes. If not, your decision is easy, if he does pass then you are still within your rights as a concerned parent to insist your son makes alternative arrangements. My DD is learning to drive, and it is terrifying how cocky they can be. I would be concerned.

Malcolm is taking his test this Friday. I don't consider myself to be precious worrying about a newly qualified driver driving a significant distance, or maybe I am It's approx 2 hours from us. Ds has just got home from college and pointed out that if Malcolm passes on Friday he has nearly 2 months til the trip and time to take a practice run there to ensure he's familiar with the route. Maybe me and dh should buy a ticket to Wakestock and follow them up!

I am kidding about following them to Wakestock Too grubby and loud for me.

How about you/DH offer to take Malcolm for a few runs out on motorways etc once he has passed for practise?

With driving tests as they are now, if he passes I'm sure he will be safe to get in a car with.
If you don't think so. Then how long should 'Malcolm' be driving for, before you think its suitable for him to drive more than 10 miles, have passengers, drive on a motorway?

Christ, if only passing your driving test made you a good driver, or even just a 'safe' driver, there would be a lot less dead people in the world.

Vairpreshusfb, insurance for young drivers is expensive for a reason. My DD is a fairly new driver and I refuse to lend her my car unless I know exactly where she is going and who with (more risk with a fully loaded car).
OP, I don't blame you. In your situation I'd much prefer to pick them. Sell it to them that Malcolm will be able to drink what he likes and not worry about getting enough sleep.

Apple we've offered them a lift there and back but to no avail suggesting that Malcolm will be able to enjoy the whole weekend without worrying about a long drive home. The other 4 lads in their gang are going by train after parental pressure not to drive and it's £50 each which DS Malcolm and the other two won't pay.I'll continue to chip away selling the benefit of a free ride there and back and hope for success.

I would suggest it's not the distance that's the issue, it's the motorway part. I would make sure he's aware of how to drive on a motorway (including what to do if he breaks down..ie..when driving off the hard shoulder don't just pull out into the slow lane doing 15 mph!)

Why don't you go out with him on the motorway and see how competent he is? Might put your mind at rest.

I have to confess I don't drive .I'm hoping that Mal's Mum will be doing a recce with him anyway. It is the motorway part I'm most concerned about and there's lots of windy roads.......oh I'll stop moaning and get my coat.

OP I really do agree with you, could you offer to pay for your DS and possibly his mate to go on the train with the others? I know it's a lot of money but might get the result you want.

Melody I'm hoping they'll go for the lift option from Dh, I've gently pushed the idea on ds this afternoon saying Malcolm will have a better time knowing he doesn't have to drive home and he is starting to soften but Malcolm is proving very stubborn and determined to drive there if he passes his test on Friday.

I don't think you're being precious at all - is 'Malcolm' going to be doing an motorway lessons after his test? They can really help.

As long as he'd had experience on duel carriageways then he should be alright tbh. I'd be more worried about the drive back after a long weekend at a festival

I'd also be worried about Malcolm taking several friends, who are presumably similar age and don't drive. In my experience non-drivers are the worst people for chatting inanely to the driver while they're trying to pull out onto the motorway etc. And there's always the possibility of the passengers egging on the driver to do stupid things. So yes, I'd be worried.

If this friend gets some motorway experience before they go, and after he passes his test, I'm sure they'll be fine. It does depend on how sensible you think 'Malcolm' is, and your DS, I think you do have to give teenagers some credit as many are sensible.

I had a similar situation when I was 18, had passed my test 5 months previously and some friends and I had booked a holiday in Cornwall, 5hrs driving each way. I was, and still am, a very sensible driver. We had planned to share the driving between all four of us, getting insurance to cover this for the week. However, over-protective parents of two friends actually made the trip less safe by refusing to let their teenagers be in a car on a motorway with a young driver (much less drive, fair enough), so the driving was shared between only two of us whilst the others got the train. We were fine, but I think we were trying to show we'd thought it through and come up with the safest plan and were given no credit for that. We had a great time though! (And ofcourse, we drove the other two around during the week, which the parents were somehow fine with!)

You know your son best, but if him and his friend have thought it through and put steps in place to get experience before the trip, I think it is worth considering.

I only learned to drive last year (aged 45!) and I had a long drive planned, including M62/60/6 horror, about 3 weeks after my test. I decided to do the 'Pass Plus' driving course, which includes 2 hours motorway driving with an instructor in a dual control car. It gave me a bit of motorway practice, and a lot of confidence, before I had to do it alone. 'Malcolm' might be quite keen, if someone suggests it, because many insurance companies treat it like 1 year's no claims bonus: it saved me 40% on my first year's insurance cost. :)

I sympathise. Clearly other mums think as you do if his friends have been pressured into not driving.
I do think that once a teenager passes a test there should be a period during which they are able to gain experience of driving unsupervised but are not allowed to take passengers.
Sorry but I've read too many horror stories involving a car load of youngsters.

I would pay for his train ticket.

YANBU. I would be worried about him driving home, inexperienced and presumably absolutely exhausted after a weekend of drinking and little sleep. In studies it has been shown that driving tired can be as dangerous as driving drunk. Why don't you pay for his train ticket? It would probably cost you more than that in petrol to take and drop them off.

I'd be worried too, especially about the return leg, as FrillyMilly said. Petrol and parking would surely come to more than £50 too.

Thanks for all the messages. I think they see themselves doing an Inbetweeners style road trip without any thought to the realities of driving and what it actually entails ie concentrating being sensible and 100% sober. I will continue to sugar coat the benefits of public/parental transport and pray that Malcolm fails his test until after July 5th.

I drove from Dorset to scottland 7 days after passing my test (with my ex and his sister), TBH i was probably a better driver then than i am now as everything i had learnt was fresh in my head. The car did break down half way and we had to spend a night in a hotel whilst the car got fixed but it was a great adventure .

Oh, and most accedents involving youngsters happen within a couple miles from home on roads that they are fimiliar with. Sadly we can't wrap them in cotton wool . I think i would be the same though and be crossing my fingers that he fails his test.