new driver -how far would you let them drive

[sugarice]

My 17 ds is off to Wakestock in July with 8 mates. Their plan originally was that his friend who I'll call Malcolm would be qualified to drive and take himself, my boy and two mates in his car . Malcolm still hasn't passed his practical and to be honest I am hoping that he doesn't until after the festival. I have always told ds that we are unhappy at Malcolm driving as it's a fair distance from our town and Malcolm is completely inexperienced at driving on motorways etc. My ds has done that teenage thing of it'll be fine, no worries etc. I can't speak to Malcolm's Mum as she has remarried ,I don't know her or her Surname and ds won't ask Malcolm as I'm being unreasonable apparently!. I should add that my dh has offered to drive and pick them up but ds says that's not necessary. Now we are in May I'm getting worried .I have told him that I'm very very unhappy and concerned about the travel arrangements, particularly the return drive when Malcolm may still be knackered! . We've never had any issues with ds as he's always been sensible and is aware that my nagging we are concerned for his and the other's safety. Any ideas from more experienced Mum's of boys about how I handle this other than physically prevent him getting in the car .Thanks for reading to the end if you have done.

I drove to Cornwall from the midlands when I'd passed my test 3 weeks prior, in my mum's car . Drove more carefully then I ever drive now, bit too slowly really! Apart from a minor incident involving an exhaust falling off a lorry in front of me causing me to call the AA in stupid anxiety moment all was well.

At 17 I am not sure there is much you can do, other than nail his feet to the floor, to stop him getting in the car. At 17 I'd already left home. At 17 all I could do with my two was tell them that no matter where or when, if they weren't happy about getting into a mate's car, they were to phone us and we would make sure they got home safely.

I don't think the distance matters. He is going to get in the car with new drivers- he is that age. He is just as likely to have an accident 5 miles from home as 50miles.

malcom hasnt passed his test did i read that right ? or do you mean the pass plus test which is optional im sure they will have a ball and an adventure my BF drove to wales from scotland at 18 we didnt die he stopped when he was tired etc etc , DD drives 40 odd miles to and from college and has done since she got her car in december she was 18 and fine ,

oh if malcom hasnt passed his test then phone the police

Malcolm hasn't passed his test yet but has it booked for before the event Mrsjay, I think the OP is worried about Malcolm passing his test and being a new driver rather than him driving without passing his test at all.

My DD drove to Birmingham (100 miles from us on the motorway, into the city centre and home again about two weeks after she passed her test wiht 2 friends . Once they are in the car, hard to stop them. She is I have to say a very good and confident driver (other people tell me this).

Hmm I drove to Nottingham a few months after passing my test which was a 4 hour trip and did so without problem. I can understand why your worried but would try to relax a bit especially considering he hasn't even passed yet and probably won't before they are due to go!

Good advice from Flow4, I think!

Yes, I'd be worried too, but I like your approach, gently chipping away at your own son, who sounds reasonable, offering to take them etc. I think you might well manage to wear him down, eventually. And in return for him respecting your wishes, you could offer to give him driving lessons? (Bribery works well in my family ...)

If the worst comes to the worst, in your eyes, and they do go in M's car, try not to worry, because most people, even young men, don't want to die, and there is a self-preservation instinct in there. Ask your son to guarantee that he will not get in the car with M if he has had even one drink.

Speaking as someone whose son did have an accident on a motorway aged 18, btw. No-one was hurt, but the car was a write off. My youngest is just about to take his test, but I feel (slightly) safer knowing he will be the one to drive his friends around.

I misread it I do think if they want to go then they should go Im sure he will be fine and he may not even pass first time so maybe just throwing it all in the air ,

Thanks for the replies, there's just the three still planning on travelling to the festival now in the car as mate number 4 has decided to go on the train with the others. Malcolm's test is tomorrow, God I feel nervous for him already.

Did he pass??

anewyear yes he did pass. He's coming round to pick up ds1 tonight after college for a drive round town.

I really sympathise with you. DS is learning, but on hold for his ASs. Best mate has passed and taken DS and others out with him around our area. Not driving fast as it costs too much in fuel (yay) and also has seen a news item about speed cameras and some accident or other which has really made mate think.

I'm much happier. I do think that boys are very likely to egg each other on to do stupid things. You can only chip away at that in a subtle as possible manner.

Result! ds isn't going in the car. Not down to him and Malcolm seeing sense about our legitimate concerns for their safety, oh no nothing like that. The girl next door and her mates are now going with them so they're all travelling together on the train .