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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Just been told my son's GF is preganant.

93 replies

Blaaah · 20/04/2012 15:58

Hi
Just had the news. Proud of dealing with it well.
Waiting for her mun to 'pick her up' so I can ask her in and help kids tell her (their request)
They are 17 and still at school.
She has chosen adoption and is 7 weeks preg.
Tried to find some good advice re her choices but GP and Marie Stopes were not very helpful.
Any ideas please?

Also, please move this thread if it isn't in the right place.

OP posts:

PinkChampagneandStrawberries · 20/04/2012 16:01

No advice sorry but didn't want to read and run and I
Think it's lovely they could come to you, I hope the gf mum is as supportive as you

fivegomadindorset · 20/04/2012 16:02

Well done for being supportive in what must be a very difficult situation. Lik pink no advice but your DS and his GF will feel a lot better knowing that at least one parent is supportive. Hope her mum is aswell.

Original poster

Blaaah · 20/04/2012 16:07

Having said I wouldn't give any advice as it is their choice, I have just read the MN advice page on this and re thought. I have told her the (real) story of my friend who wanted to give her baby up when she was i her late 20s. When she saw he after the birth, she couldn't.

OP posts:

boredandrestless · 20/04/2012 16:11

I think that carrying a child for 9 months, give birth, and then give the baby up for adoption is a big decision for anyone to make. This must be fresh news for her too and she may well change her mind yet.

It's good that they felt they could come to you though and that you are calm and supportive.

webwiz · 20/04/2012 17:56

Have you got a "choices" pregnancy advice centre near you?

www.careconfidential.com/Centres.aspx

I don't know how good they are but I have seen them mentioned in our Citizens Advice Bureau local information.

IAmBooyhoo · 20/04/2012 18:00

well done for being so supportive for them both. tehy will thank you for this. i have no advice other than to say, keep doing what you are doing. support them, listen to what they are saying and help them get whatever professional advice or support they (together or indiviudally need) they sound as if they have thought about this so i'm guessing are sensible kids. i hope the other parents are as supportive as you have been.

BerryMenlove · 20/04/2012 18:02

As somebody has said- that's a massive thing to carry her own and your son's baby to term and give the baby away.
I think as long as they're aware all options are open to them and their mind can be changed at any time during the pregnancy.
Adoption is final.
Sounds like you're very calm about this. Be prepared for her mother to possibly have a very different reaction.
Hope everything goes ok.

Original poster

Blaaah · 20/04/2012 20:56

Thanks for your replies.
Well her mum came round and she and my DH were calm but her Dad is a complete nutter. I think they can hardly think straight as mum and daughter are both so worried about telling him. Doesn't give them much chance to focus on the decision that's to be made.
We've talked about adoption but we're all feeling that it may be a way of postponing making a decision now re keeping/abortion.
Went to Dr to try to find where the pros and cons of each option could be gone through with a neutral counsellor but no luck. I'll try that link you posted, Webwiz. Thanks

OP posts:

LineRunner · 20/04/2012 21:00

Please please don't try to play along with this adoption line if your son's girlfriend's best option is termination, and/or if she is likely to opt for termination eventually.

At 7 weeks, this should be arranged now.

PinkChampagneandStrawberries · 20/04/2012 21:01

That's not so good about the dad but at least they have you and her mum to support them and help them make the correct decision

LineRunner · 20/04/2012 21:01

BPAS.

perceptionreality · 20/04/2012 21:07

It's very very hard to give a baby up for adoption, it really is. I decided to give my baby up for adoption due to the extremely difficult circumstances of the pregnancy. At around 28 weeks I remember waking up and knowing there was no way I was giving this baby up - this baby was mine and I was keeping it in spite of everything.

I hope I don't sound negative but just saying don't be surprised if she changes her mind, particularly as the pregnancy advances. I hope everything works out for you all.

perceptionreality · 20/04/2012 21:09

Maybe she doesn't want an abortion?

Original poster

Blaaah · 20/04/2012 23:06

Thanks for you replies. She doesn't want an abortion. I can't believe she'll give the baby up for adoption for a single minute really and both mums have gently said this to them.

My DH and I have had chance to speak to my son alone. He understands that he has responsibilities to this child, should it be born. He intends to be the best provider he can and stick to his guns about going to Uni. Good Lord, they have AS levels in a few weeks.

Ultimately, she has the choice about whether to have the baby or not and he will support her, but as Dad, he has the responsibility to provide in the best way he can but she's obviously not going to like that as he'll be away. He'll be a better provider in the long term with a good degree under his belt.

Garn! It's like a big wall has come down across the bright future they had. And before anyone says it, yes he did take responsibility and went to the Drs with her and she didn't want an implant because she doesn't like needles (well, there'll be plenty of those when she's pregnant!). So he texted her every morning before school and at the weekend to remind her to take her pill. One morning, she nodded off again.

When I used to take the pill (when Noah was a lad) you had 12 hours grace if you forgot and she took it straight after school.

Still, them's the breaks if you go playing with fire and they were both warned.

KIDS!

OP posts:

1944girl · 20/04/2012 23:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IAmBooyhoo · 20/04/2012 23:16

thisisyesterday · 20/04/2012 23:19

i would second the recommendation of the BPAS.
I went to them for a termination (my GP referred me, so didn't have to pay), but I had 2 counselling sessions before anything happened so they could talk through with me exactly what I wanted. and it wasn't a counselling for an abortion type thing either, it really was a "what do you want to do" type of thing.
they were really lovely

flow4 · 20/04/2012 23:25

It's harder in some areas than others to get independent advice. If abortion is an option, try BPAS: www.bpas.org/bpaswoman
If you're lucky, you may have an independent Well Woman centre in your area.

Original poster

Blaaah · 21/04/2012 08:58

Thanks for your posts. It's so hard to see a good outcome for any of this.

OP posts:

VickityBoo · 21/04/2012 09:03

Well if it's any help in seeing a positive future. Family member pregnant at 17, baby at 18, married at 18 and still very happy 25 years down the line and really enjoying life now - they have loads of energy only being in their 40's and children are grown up.

It can work if they really are committed to each other. Good luck.

BertieBotts · 21/04/2012 09:10

There is still 12 hours' grace on the pill, if she is on the combined pill, even one of the mini-pills now. Still, they're only 99% effective even when used correctly. It can also be affected by sickness and diarrhoea, or taking antibiotics. She's most likely aware of this, though, if she's a bright girl.

Do you know why she doesn't want a termination?

It's still possible they can go on to have a bright future - I'm doing a degree currently and I have a 3 year old. They will have to be committed and some things will take a lot longer, but it's still possible.

mummytime · 21/04/2012 09:24

Have they spoken to the school?
Two things, the school needs to know because it is an added stress. Also the school may have access to a good counsellor (of course it's trickier if it's a Catholic school). Don't worry the information should be shared within the school on a strictly need to know basis.

perceptionreality · 21/04/2012 09:27

Why are people suggesting abortion counseling? The op has said the girl does not want an abortion.

And I think at 17 they are old enough for things to work out well if she wants to keep the baby.

ImperialBlether · 21/04/2012 09:49

I think a termination at 7 weeks - after all, your period is only 3 weeks late - would be far less traumatic than giving up a child.

OP, why do you assume your son would go off to university and she wouldn't go with him, if they had a child together? If she were my daughter I wouldn't be happy with that scenario at all.

HJMP · 21/04/2012 09:53

The school nurse maybe an option if they are in school. In my area there are specialist MW/HV for pregnant teens too to give them extra support.

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