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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Teenage party

48 replies

doinmummy · 19/01/2012 21:31

My Dd14 wants a house party. My ex says I should allow this and allow them to have booze AND go out and leave them to it !!!!!!!!! I absolutely disagree. there is no way I'll allowit. He has told my Dd that I should allow this so is causing difficulties between me and my DD.
I suggested he have the party at his but oddly enough he wont have it at his.
If anything happened I would be responsible.
Are there any legal eagles or police officers out there that can give me something concrete to throw back a t him.
He is the bain of my life and I cant believe he is telling my DD it's ok for this to happen.
He said it's a chance for me to show how much I trust her!!!

OP posts:
SebastionTheCrab · 19/01/2012 22:53

Well, I'm no legal eagle but surely supplying a group of 14 year olds with alcohol and unsupervised has got to get you into trouble with the law.
14- way too young IMO.
Your house. Your rules. It must be very frustrating that he's forcing you into this ogre role.

Original poster
doinmummy · 19/01/2012 23:01

Yes you are right...my house ..my rules.
He is doing a counselling course (god help his victims) and seems to come out with far too much ' try to be understanding and how would you feel and other such mumbo jumbo..no offense meant to counsellors). I really want him to see how utterly ridiculous and dangerous allowing this party would be.
He says that if I dont allow it I am showing other parents that I dont trust my daughter or their children !
My daughter is getting very angry with me that I wont allow it...I'm so fed up with him continually undermining my authority.
I said what if the house is trashed and he said thats what house insurance is for.

OP posts:
scurryfunge · 19/01/2012 23:05

Let her have the party at his house and see what happens.

Original poster
doinmummy · 19/01/2012 23:10

I suggested that and he came out with the line ' it would make the parents think that I dont trust their kids to behave' Too right!
He also said that it might embarrass my Dd as his house is a shit hole and she wouldn't like her friends to see how her father lives.

OP posts:
SebastionTheCrab · 19/01/2012 23:12

Shock He's being ridiculous. This is the sort of situation parents fret about with 16-18 year olds. Not 14.
Is he trying to wind you up and play games? Involving your daughter is not ok. I'm Angry for you.
Agree with scurryfunge Convenient he doesn't want the party at his...

scurryfunge · 19/01/2012 23:15

You could have the party, be present and have a strict no alcohol policy. My DS attended plenty when 14 and a good time was had by all. My DS and his friends now 17 act as " bouncers" for younger siblings parties and generally police the younger ones. Do you know any older teens who could assist?

Original poster
doinmummy · 19/01/2012 23:15

He's not trying to wind me up this is really how he thinks. Since he has done this counselling thing he's turned even more weird than before. He thinks that its a good opportunity for me to prove that i love and trust my DD and a good chance for her to take responsibility for herself and will give her confidence in handling a party especially if it gets a bit out of hand !,

OP posts:
Original poster
doinmummy · 19/01/2012 23:18

Ex has told daughter that she should be allowed to have party with no supervision. I said I would stay upstairs but now that her father has told her all this rubbish she thinks she canhave the house to herself. She has an older half sister but cant trust her to stay sober.

OP posts:
pchick · 19/01/2012 23:22

14 is too young to have parent- free, alcohol parties. Even at 16-17years, alcohol is restricted and parents re around. Is DH going to pay the bill when things are damaged from drunk teenagers?

Original poster
doinmummy · 19/01/2012 23:24

Or even worse... what if one of the children get hammered and pass out somewhere and choke. I can just imagine the conversation with the police!

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 19/01/2012 23:28

Your ex, for example, is an arsehole

Original poster
doinmummy · 19/01/2012 23:32

Thankyo AF couldn't agree more

OP posts:
LeBOF · 19/01/2012 23:37

What part of 'no' does he not understand? Is it the N or the O?

Ponders · 19/01/2012 23:38

He is the one who thinks it's ok, so he is the one who should host the event; you don't, so you don't have to. Even a stroppy stubborn 14-yr-old should be able to see the logic in that.

If he won't - no party.

(Apparently it isn't illegal for parents to let under-18s drink alcohol which is in the house anyway - only to buy it specially - though how that could be proved either way I don't know)

One of my children was taken by ambulance to A&E at around 14 (don't remember exactly) from an unsupervised party, passed out cold with clothes covered in vomit. It's not pretty.

Original poster
doinmummy · 19/01/2012 23:41

He is so difficult to deal with...has never backed me up with anything....keeps banging on about sending Dd the wrong message about trusting her.
Seriously I would love to know of a law or case where this has happened and the parent has been prosecuted so I can shove it under his nose.
DD has banged upstairs to bed because for the umpteenth time I've said no.

OP posts:
cory · 19/01/2012 23:41

I loved and trusted dd when she was 6 but I didn't show my trust by letting her wander around town on her own.

I love and trust her at 15 but I am not going to demonstrate my trust by filling the house with drunken teenagers and letting her deal with the situation on her own.

No-one I know of has that kind of party at age 14, most sensible parents of 14yos wouldn't let their children attend and she would end up with lots of older gate-crashers.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 19/01/2012 23:42

Absolutely agree with everyone else; and insurance won't cover any damage. If he's so keen, he can clean up/sling a lick of paint over his "shit hole" home (won't matter if it gets trashed then, eh?) and have it there.

What a wanker.

Original poster
doinmummy · 19/01/2012 23:42

He wont have the party at his house.

OP posts:
OldLadyKnowsNothing · 19/01/2012 23:43

So the party doesn't happen. Explain this to your DD.

Original poster
doinmummy · 19/01/2012 23:46

I have said supervised or nothing. She just keeps going to her dad and I get it the neck again. I'm sticking to my guns.

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Ponders · 19/01/2012 23:48

then stop saying supervised or nothing Smile - she had a chance to agree to that.

now it's nothing - no more discussion -if she tries to strop at you, just leave the room.

Original poster
doinmummy · 19/01/2012 23:48

I've told her that I have spoken to some of the parents((which I have ) and they wont let their children come if it's not supervised.

OP posts:
LeBOF · 19/01/2012 23:48

It should be easy enough for your daughter to understand that you disagree with her father, and that you won't entertain the idea of putting young teenagers at risk of alcohol poisoning, sexual assault and violence. Which is precisely what an unsupervised party with alcohol is likely to involve.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 19/01/2012 23:49

Keep telling her to ask her dad to host. Tell her to ask nice, to wheedle, to do all those other things that teenage DS do to wrap daddy round their little fingers.

You could even suggest a few strategies.

Original poster
doinmummy · 19/01/2012 23:49

I dont want any party to be honest so suits me fine.

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