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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Teenage party

48 replies

doinmummy · 19/01/2012 21:31

My Dd14 wants a house party. My ex says I should allow this and allow them to have booze AND go out and leave them to it !!!!!!!!! I absolutely disagree. there is no way I'll allowit. He has told my Dd that I should allow this so is causing difficulties between me and my DD.
I suggested he have the party at his but oddly enough he wont have it at his.
If anything happened I would be responsible.
Are there any legal eagles or police officers out there that can give me something concrete to throw back a t him.
He is the bain of my life and I cant believe he is telling my DD it's ok for this to happen.
He said it's a chance for me to show how much I trust her!!!

OP posts:

TheSecondComing · 19/01/2012 23:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ponders · 19/01/2012 23:51

I had a very stroppy teenage DD who I used to have heated arguments with - very heated, & completely futile.

it dawned on me eventually that I didn't have to argue with her & could just walk away. she used to go on ranting on her own for minutes at a time but I didn't have to take any notice - very liberating

SaggyOldClothCatPuss · 19/01/2012 23:51

I know someone who did this. £8k of damage later.....
Your OH must be stark staring mad! Apart from the fact that you would be breaking the law by giving them alcohol, and would be the one answering to their parents when they go home and chuck up everywhere, You have absolutely no idea of what they might get up to!
I am an incredibly liberal parent, but even I draw the line somewhere!
Your EX is a twunt!

Original poster

doinmummy · 19/01/2012 23:52

I have asked some of the parents and they've been horrified and said their children wont be coming.

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Original poster

doinmummy · 19/01/2012 23:53

He is a knob of the highest order!

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SaggyOldClothCatPuss · 19/01/2012 23:57

HEHEHE, one step further, get her to persuade Dad to host the party, then when its in full swing, tip the police off! Let ex get investigated for supplying alcohol to minors!

Actually, there isnt any way that he could already have thought of this is there?

Original poster

doinmummy · 20/01/2012 00:01

I wouldn't put it passed him. If I did allow the party and it went tits up he'd be the first to tell me what a bad parent I am.

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empirestateofmind · 20/01/2012 00:12

There will never ever be an unsupervised party in my house. My teenagers wouldn't dream of asking. Their friends come round frequently and there are various sleepovers but you need adult supervision for if anything goes wrong.

Encouraging his DD to have an unsupervised party at 14 is very irresponsible.

As a teacher I would take a dim view of any parents of my pupils allowing this sort of thing. It shows a lack of care for your own child and a lack of care of other people's children.

Can you imagine a school trip where children were allowed to have an unsupervised party with alcohol? Of course not, and for very good reasons.

Original poster

doinmummy · 20/01/2012 00:18

i wish I could make him see. He says that my daughter is sensible (?) and wont let anything bad happen> i have said that this is way too much responsibility for her. How would she stop gate crashers? How would she stop people drinking too much.
She went to a party last year at her fathers sisters and he let her get drunk. Seriously.. he's not right in the head.

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LeBOF · 20/01/2012 00:22

It sounds like you are entering into too much dialogue with him over this. The conversation is over when you say that it's not happening.

Original poster

doinmummy · 20/01/2012 00:26

Good point LeBOF . I've said no and I'm not saying it again.

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IdontknowwhyIcare · 20/01/2012 07:29

Get DD to paint her fathers house and tidy it up ;-) I'm sure he'll be thrilled (not) when she gets bored and stops halfway through.

Seriously is there anyway to get a community police officer to tell dd that supplying alcohol to minors is illegal. She needs to hear it from someone else.

Dizington · 20/01/2012 11:33

Interesting thread. This week my 12 year old DD came home as said she had been invited to a party (13 year old birthday) and could she have a bottle of blue wicked at the party. I thought about it and said NO. Eruptions followed but I hold firm the belief that below 16 is too young to drink at teenagers parties. We let the DD have a small drink on Christmas eve but she was clear this was a special event and not something that can happen regular. It was the babysham moment, we all remember those!!

LikeAnAdventCandleButNotQuite · 20/01/2012 12:02

Repeat to Ex ad nauseum "If you think the party should go ahead, then you host it at yours"

Repeat to DD ad nauseum "If your Dad has OK'd the party, then he can host it at his"

If it's that important to your Ex that your DD is thrown this party then he will sort out his flat (tbh, if it's a shit hole, there'll be less chance of any major damage anyways)

Fwiw, until I was 17, I was dropped off and collected from any house parties so parent;s could see I wasnt drunk (or very good at hiding it ). It never made me any less popular at school, and my parents were always having my school friends over for parties but they were alcohol free and they would hide upstairs with a takeaway. My friends were just so glad to have a party somewhere that these two rules were never a deterrant.

Stand your ground.

GnomeDePlume · 20/01/2012 12:34

Young teens, no supervision, alcohol. What could possibly go wrong?

Let's make a list shall we?

In this situation just ask your ex to imagine explaining the circumstances of the party to:

a police officer (the noise, the overspill of the party into the street)
a paramedic (one of the guests collapses with alcohol poisoning)
a fireman (one of the guests decided that candles would look pretty)
a magistrate (one of the guests decides to empty your jewellery box)

I disagree with those saying the party should happen at the ex's place. It would be beyond unfair to expect a 14 year old to handle the above.

Ponders · 20/01/2012 12:40

I only said it should happen at the ex's place because it clearly won't

ivykaty44 · 20/01/2012 15:17

He needs to understand that it is important that dd feels her father is part of her life - where ever he lives or however he lives and this shame he talks about - well shame is sometimes good for teens.

He needs to be more understanding of a single mother and how it would look if she went out on the evening of her daughters birthday party. He needs to get into the spirit of the birthday and be a more supportive ex husband and take on the role of party organiser when the mum has all the daily grind.

he really needs to find a cliff, then work out how the cliff works....

ivykaty44 · 20/01/2012 15:20

Oh and do explain to your ex op how to talk to your hand.. Stop getting dragged in to the talking bit.

As for the orge t shirts - been there done that and worn the t shirt. I told my dd to stop playing games - play with your father by all means but me not interested - end of. You want party, talk to your dad about it.

SecretSquirrels · 20/01/2012 17:05

No No No.
Lots of threads on this but this one springs to mind.

jollyoldstnickschick · 20/01/2012 17:11

Weve had house parties for the past few years later years 16-18 have included alcohol but not earlier ones - generally I buy loads of pepsi make a big potato pie and pan of chilli or hotdogs, play some music etc and just join in - none of the teens seem to mind in fact im often invited to other parties (much to my dcs embarassment) ....my friend has house parties too she does allow alcohol but limited and they bring their own - first sign of drunkeness or silly behaviour and theyre out,she puts a gazebo up and has several 'adults' on duty ....I dont drink but still have a laugh and I think the teens appreciate they can have a snog and i pay no attention but ill willingly have a go on karaoke etc.

jollyoldstnickschick · 20/01/2012 17:12

*re snogging ......not with me -obv .

SecretSquirrels · 20/01/2012 17:53

It's the 14 / unsupervised / alcohol that's wrong not a house party per se.
Mine went to lots from 13 onwards but all supervised and alcohol only from 16+.
At DS1s recent 16th there were 12 guests and they drank two large bottles of cider between them, plus 20 gallons of cola .

Original poster

doinmummy · 20/01/2012 20:12

at Gnome
at jolly re snogging

have now spoken to many people about this and all bar none have said a resounding ' no' which is exactly what I expect from normal people.
I might as well just set light to my house and be done with it if I let it go ahead, which I most certainly will not

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