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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Suitable punishment or not?

37 replies

KatyMac · 01/10/2011 16:32

DD is 13 (nearly 14) & travelling 60 miles on her own by train

Last week was the first time & she was non-contactable for the whole 8 hours she was gone (phone battery died, no credit etc)

We explained that this week she must text at appropriate times (eg on train, on arrival etc). Ensured credit was on her phone & checked it was charged.

She hasn't; so next week one of us will travel with her as she obviously doesn't want to do this by herself (IMO).

That seems fair to me but is it OTT?

OP posts:
Maisiethemorningsidecat · 01/10/2011 16:38

No, not OTT at all.

I'm not sure I'd let DS1 (who is the same age) travel that distance, so am very impressed that your DD (and you!) is/are confident enough to do the journey. However, given that she's not followed your instructions you are quite right to remove some of her independence until she can prove herself worthy of your trust.

Original poster
KatyMac · 01/10/2011 16:45

You're sure?

Part of the reason we let her go was for independence but now I feel betrayed

OP posts:
startail · 01/10/2011 16:46

UANBU, assuming she's going shopping or to see a friend, not for a hike on Dartmoor, she finds a pay phone or borrows someone's mobile and reports she's safely arrived.

Original poster
KatyMac · 01/10/2011 16:46

No she has classes

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PastGrace · 01/10/2011 16:57

Not OTT at all. You must have been so worried!

I would also say though, I've been on trains before where people's phones have died and the train manager/conductor has always offered a phone (I assume their own, but possibly a train phone?) just so that they can reassure worried relatives. Obviously it shouldn't be relied on, but maybe make her aware of alternatives in case she forgets again.

Original poster
KatyMac · 01/10/2011 17:19

I am

11:30 she was on the train - who knows what is going on now

OP posts:
PastGrace · 01/10/2011 17:22

Oh gosh, I thought she was home by now!

Definitely not over-reacting.

Hassled · 01/10/2011 17:25

Katy - have PMd you

AgentProvocateur · 01/10/2011 17:27

She'll be fine - how do you think people coped before mobiles? She's nearly 14, and she's going to classes on a Saturday daytime, not wandering about a red-light area at night. Honestly, you'd have heard if she hadn't turned up. By all means, read her the riot act, but don't take away her independence by going with her.

JaredLetosNextGF · 01/10/2011 17:31

Have you text/phoned her? If not, why not? She's a teen. Their world only revolves amongst themselves. If you have and she's ignored, then yes, down on her like a ton of bricks!

Original poster
KatyMac · 01/10/2011 17:56

Texted 4 times

Spoken to the school (she arrived is fine)

Throwing a mild temper tamtrum; I explained the rules, she has ignored them as far as I can see no discussion

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Original poster
KatyMac · 01/10/2011 18:16

We were cross last week but we gave her a second chance

I won't be so keen to give her a second chance in future

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Maryz · 01/10/2011 18:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ragged · 01/10/2011 18:25

I think I'm with AgentProvacateur; I wouldn't send an adult with her next week. But I would penalise in another way, something that REALLY motivates her to not forget, like docking her pocket money for a week or taking her phone off her each evening the second she gets home so she can't get in touch with her friends until she heads out to school the next morning.

Original poster
KatyMac · 01/10/2011 18:27

I think being escorted like the 11yos will be fairly humiliating tbh

Apparently she phoned & texted; so I said I would check her phone record when she got in

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RumourOfAHurricane · 03/10/2011 15:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
KatyMac · 03/10/2011 22:39

Maybe

but how many chances do I give her?

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mycatsaysach · 03/10/2011 22:42

um..... i would say that as she is not following the rules perhaps she is not ready for this level of independence.i too have a dd the same age and she really isn't to be trusted to go anywhere (apart from school) on her own she is well behaved but doesn't have a great deal of common sense.

Maryz · 03/10/2011 22:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
KatyMac · 03/10/2011 22:47

Who knows

Her phone 'died' & a friends dad reset it & wiped it's entire memory Hmm

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Maryz · 03/10/2011 22:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jennifersofia · 03/10/2011 22:49

I don't think you are being OTT necessarily - maybe it is her way of asking for support? But my dds are still only 11 & 9, so not sure if I have the right perspective. Perhaps escort her once?

wellwisher · 03/10/2011 22:54

May I suggest that you all give your dcs Android phones for Christmas? You can then use Google Latitude to track their location. Seriously! It works on iPhones too :)

seeker · 03/10/2011 23:00

Ok. So coincidentally, two Saturday's running she hd a phone problem.

I would let her go one more time, but with very strict rules. If they aren't kept to, then she doesn't go again.

Original poster
KatyMac · 03/10/2011 23:11

No first week she 'forgot' so we had a long chat about it & second week the phone died

I am a bit Hmm as I confiscated it & it seems to be working fine now

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