Suitable punishment or not?

[KatyMac]

DD is 13 (nearly 14) & travelling 60 miles on her own by train

Last week was the first time & she was non-contactable for the whole 8 hours she was gone (phone battery died, no credit etc)

We explained that this week she must text at appropriate times (eg on train, on arrival etc). Ensured credit was on her phone & checked it was charged.

She hasn't; so next week one of us will travel with her as she obviously doesn't want to do this by herself (IMO).

That seems fair to me but is it OTT?

[KatyMac]

I didn't go with her

I told her how upset I was

She has texted this week

[HSMM]

Write down your number and give her £1, then if her phone dies, she can give someone the money to use their phone to send you a text?

[KatyMac]

Probably not mine; but def DHs & the house phone (& nana & pops as well)

Mine is new; but telling anyone of us would have done

2 phones; good idea

[PastGrace]

Does she know your mobile number without having to look it up? Regardless of broken phones and if she can borrow one with the number already in it, it's a really useful thing for her to learn. You can always talk someone into letting you send a text/make a 20 second call (especially if you are a young girl - I'm sure everyone on here would lend their phone in this situation).

It might also be worth just speaking to a few of her friend's mums and then agreeing that all of them have their friends' parents' numbers. My mum has always made sure she has numbers of a few of my friends (on the basis that if I am not with them they will at least have the number of the people I am with) and they have hers. That way you can text a friend, or the friend can text you. No excuses, and some extra reassurance for you.

[seeker]

I' m hard, me! You're obviously much mere forgiving than me-good luck for Saturday!

Make her take her won phone as well, losing or breaking two would be a coincidence too far!

[KatyMac]

you are good aren't you Seeker

She was on the train (on the way home) before she realised it was broken



We have agreed
a) she is borrowing my mums phone so there is no mix up with 'broken phones'
b) She knows when exactly to text
c) I have arranged for another mum to 'watch' her

I feel very unsure about it all

[seeker]

Did she say why she didn't borrow a phonenor find a pay phone or ask whatever adult was in charge to get in touch with you for her?

[lljkk]

Contrary to popular belief, pay phones do still exist and aren't that impossible to find. For that matter, she could have paid a friend 10p to send you a text explaining the situation. You both need back up plans to do away with her excuses deal with potentially "broken" phones.

[KatyMac]

She is indignant that I am punishing her for having a broken phone

But I'm not sure tbh

[seeker]

What does she say about it ?

[KatyMac]

That's the way I feel

Second chance is fair enough; but third? I don't think so

[seeker]

Ok. So she doesn't go this week. Even if your phone dies you can always borrow someone else's for a quick text.

[KatyMac]

No first week she 'forgot' so we had a long chat about it & second week the phone died

I am a bit as I confiscated it & it seems to be working fine now

[seeker]

Ok. So coincidentally, two Saturday's running she hd a phone problem.

I would let her go one more time, but with very strict rules. If they aren't kept to, then she doesn't go again.

[wellwisher]

May I suggest that you all give your dcs Android phones for Christmas? You can then use Google Latitude to track their location. Seriously! It works on iPhones too :)

[jennifersofia]

I don't think you are being OTT necessarily - maybe it is her way of asking for support? But my dds are still only 11 & 9, so not sure if I have the right perspective. Perhaps escort her once?

[KatyMac]

Who knows

Her phone 'died' & a friends dad reset it & wiped it's entire memory

[mycatsaysach]

um..... i would say that as she is not following the rules perhaps she is not ready for this level of independence.i too have a dd the same age and she really isn't to be trusted to go anywhere (apart from school) on her own she is well behaved but doesn't have a great deal of common sense.

[KatyMac]

Maybe

but how many chances do I give her?

[KatyMac]

I think being escorted like the 11yos will be fairly humiliating tbh

Apparently she phoned & texted; so I said I would check her phone record when she got in

[ragged]

I think I'm with AgentProvacateur; I wouldn't send an adult with her next week. But I would penalise in another way, something that REALLY motivates her to not forget, like docking her pocket money for a week or taking her phone off her each evening the second she gets home so she can't get in touch with her friends until she heads out to school the next morning.