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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Should I let my 15 year old daughter go on holiday without an adult?

116 replies

Countryhousewife · 06/06/2011 13:06

I am getting alot of pressure from my DD about being allowed to go on a post GCSE weeks holiday to France with her boyfriend (16) and a few other people, with no adult present. I asked for details of the trip so I could make an informed decision, but she says there are none, they will just see when they get there and flies off the handle. She has assured me that she will not be sharing a room with her boyfriend! She is at a school where lots of the kids are spoiled with this kind of end of term freedom, but I think she is too young to go away like this. She is apparently the only one not allowed to do this sort of thing and it is causing alot of tension and arguing in the house. Help what should I do, does anyone have any advice or experience of this kind of problem and are we being too strict?

OP posts:

LynetteScavo · 23/08/2011 08:48

Well this post has been bumped, so the OP is irrelivent now, but I'm very curious about debrs4's post.

I presume, debrs4, that your daughter is well aware of your views. For this reason, I wonder why you think she will sleep with her boyfriend on holiday - do you not trust her?

Why did she ask you if she could go, if she knows your views?

Why did she ask you at all......I'm as to why a 22 year needs their mothers permission to go on holiday at all.

exoticfruits · 23/08/2011 08:52

I was surprised that it was bumped-I never know why people trawl through old posts ratherthan start their own.
I only replied because it was taking a post about a child and applying it to an adult.
At 22yrs I was in a responsible job, living away from home and it would never have occurred to me that I had to ask my mother's permission to go on holiday-or even ask her opinion.I just phoned her and told her in the course of the conversation.

LynetteScavo · 23/08/2011 09:12

Well, exactly. At 22 DH had a responsible job, and a mortgage. I was living abroad, as I had been since I was 18. I certainly didn't ask my mother if I could go or not, I just told her.

If someone over the age of 18 can organise and pay for something themselves, then really they don't need permission from anyone else.

If a 15 year old organised and payed for a holiday, it would be harder to say no than if they demanded they go, you pay for it and threw a tantrum when you said no.

Theoretically I wouldn't let one of my DC go abroad under the age of 18, with out someone else who was over 18, even if it was just a friend. (My eldest is only 12, though, so I may reconsider) Although my parents were going to let me go travelling through Europe when I was 17....my school offered travel scholarships so people could bum around Europe broaden their knowledge of the world during them summer holiday between lower and upper 6th.

Mccann666 · 05/03/2017 03:43

I didn't go away without my parents until I was 21 and even then it was a church youth hostelling holiday with clergy supervising. Even so there was still drunkeness with one boy sick on the bridge and one girl sick in toilets also antics of a boy pulling down his trousers but definitely not sexual activity.. If u have brought up your son of daughter in any faith and they go to uni chaplaincies often run trips for freshers and current students. Dorms are single sex and while there will be antics there will almost certainly be no sex or drugs and they are supervised.

Mccann666 · 05/03/2017 04:01

Q at 21/22 I lived with my parents on a home rate student allowance. I hadn't had any friends since 121/2 but when I was 18 I left home to go to uni but it didn't work so I changed courses and came back. At 19 and 20 I occasionally went out with a few girls from. School but didn't make my 1st friend in years till 21. She wanted me to go to Spain with her, her dad, his partner, her sister and her sisters friend. I didn't feel we'd known each other long enough but I paid for the holiday myself. The girl had problems -her parents were divorced, she had multiple disabilities and lied and exaggerated about her achievements.in was too scared to go so I deliberately hurt her and she went into an epileptic fit ending up in hospital. Her dad confronted me and cancelled our seats. He was especially angry as she received no refund as her insurance didn't cover her disabilities. My dad refused to believe she didn't go and said I was only going as her friend as, like me, she'd no one else. My dad threatened to put me out the house if I saw her again but if we were out late she couldn't get home as she lived in the country so she had to stay with us. Where she lived she had no choice. My uni was too near for a higher allowance so I couldn't afford to move out. As I was 22 was dad right? This was in 1988 when many of the girls from school were already married, engaged or living abroad.

Mccann666 · 05/03/2017 04:04

Sorry where she lived there was nowhere to go out so I had no choice.

LoveBeingAMum555 · 05/03/2017 21:51

I agree, it is hard to say no sometimes. However, my DS is quite a savvy 16 yo and I wouldnt agree to this. I just dont think he would have the skills to deal with possible problems that might crop up. I might say yes to a camping trip fairly close to home but that would be my limit.

Its a long time ago but I went to Blackpool by train with 2 friends at 17, we had a blast and I will remember that holiday for ever. I do remember encountering quite a few older blokes who tried to get us to go into pubs and clubs with them though. We thought we were so grown up!

Mccann666 · 06/03/2017 01:55

I deliberately hurt my friend emotionally not physically.

ZombieApocalips · 12/03/2017 09:06

I have a son the same age and I would allow a break in this country as long as he earned most of the cost and I was given a hostel/hotel address.

There are too many things that can go wrong overseas. Would holiday insurance cover things like hospital stay for the kid who took too many drugs/drank too much? Would they cope with being arrested in a foreign country? Would you be able to pick up your child from another country at the drop of a hat?

SoulAccount · 12/03/2017 09:14

McCann, your upbringing sounds extremely claustrophobic, controlled and unhealthy, and your subsequent issues with your friend also dysfunctional. As a result.

I hope you have managed to blossom and thrive since independent adulthood,

ShotgunNotDoingThePans · 12/03/2017 09:17

McCann I suggest you start your own thread as you've added to an old one here so are unlikely to get targetted replies.
Zombie thread alert!

Kennington · 12/03/2017 09:19

No don't let her go.
She will blame you later if she is under pressure to do things with her boyfriend and friends that she feels uncomfortable with.
You will be blamed for allowing this to happen and not protecting her. Probably in 10 years time!
Plus the French would raise an eyebrow at a 16 year old being by herself.

Travelledtheworld · 12/03/2017 09:22

ZOMBIE THREAD!

PestoSnowissimos · 12/03/2017 09:23

The OP's DD would be 21 by now - ZOMBIE THREAD

LeBoob · 12/03/2017 10:18

Not sure if this has already been mentioned but 1. Would she be covered by travel insurance with no adult present? & 2. Many hotels/hostels/villas won't allow anyone under 18 check in & stay without an adult.

SoulAccount · 12/03/2017 10:25

THE 15 YEAR OLD IN THE OP IS NOW 21YEARS OLD!

ZOMBIE!

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