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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Should I let my 15 year old daughter go on holiday without an adult?

116 replies

Countryhousewife · 06/06/2011 13:06

I am getting alot of pressure from my DD about being allowed to go on a post GCSE weeks holiday to France with her boyfriend (16) and a few other people, with no adult present. I asked for details of the trip so I could make an informed decision, but she says there are none, they will just see when they get there and flies off the handle. She has assured me that she will not be sharing a room with her boyfriend! She is at a school where lots of the kids are spoiled with this kind of end of term freedom, but I think she is too young to go away like this. She is apparently the only one not allowed to do this sort of thing and it is causing alot of tension and arguing in the house. Help what should I do, does anyone have any advice or experience of this kind of problem and are we being too strict?

OP posts:
Maryz · 06/06/2011 15:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ZumbaRumba · 06/06/2011 15:14

Not a chance I would go along with this.

I went on holiday alone (with boyfriend) at 17 yrs, which in retrospect, I still think is too young 9although we came to no harm).

At 15 yrs she is still a minor. It would be irresponsible to let her travel to a foreign country with no adult supervision.

Northernlurker · 06/06/2011 15:15

Yes Maryz that is exactly the sort of scenario I would worry about!

TheHumanCatapult · 06/06/2011 15:22

I would say no if they are not sensiable enpough to have planned where they are staying , how they are getting there how they can afford .What to do in a emergency then no shes not mature enough

Ds1 just 17 is of to Spain this summer camping but he had to convince me of all the above and show me the bookings etc

frenchfancy · 06/06/2011 15:57

Definately not. I'm pretty sure you can't book any accommodation in France until you are 18. You can't even get a job here in France before then.

Some sort of organised camp with adult supervision would be a better option.

hogsback · 06/06/2011 16:11

frenchfancy - You can certainly book Auberges de Jeunesse and campsites at younger than 18, and you can work at younger than 18 - what about all the kids doing the vendange and greffage?

Meglet · 06/06/2011 16:15

No. And avoid Newquay, I've been out at night there at it's carnage. Luckily I was in my 30's so easy to keep away from trouble / dodgy people.

What about a festival / day ticket? She may very well drink and smoke but she won't be far away.

mummytime · 06/06/2011 16:27

Okay your daughter lies to you. She is 15. She has self-harmed in the past.

No way should you let her go.
Instead pay for some good family counselling, maybe you do need to give her some freedom, but also you need to give her boundaries.

(BTW do they want to go to France as the age of consent is 15 there?)

youmaynotlikethis · 06/06/2011 16:48

it is illegal any moron knows that,u r responsable for your dd,how can you tak responsability if your not there?people like you will be the 1st to moan if something happend to her

youmaynotlikethis · 06/06/2011 16:50

got to laugh at the she has assured me she wont share a room with her boyfreind....oh thats ok then pmsl r u thick!!

TheCowardlyLion · 06/06/2011 17:09

Helpful posts, youmaynotlikethis Hmm

MedusaIsHavingABadHairDay · 06/06/2011 17:12

Youmaynotlikethis ..you may wish to consider winding your neck in if you can only offer insults....Hmm

Op, would your DD consider a compromise? A long weekend somewhere in the UK as a tester? I would be very surprised indeed if 'all the others' were simply allowed to go abroad with no firm plans.. that sounds to me like a young teen's plaintive wail than any actual fact:)

I have 4 teens and the elder two have both now been on holiday abroad without me..aged 18 and 17, but even then I was having kittens the whole week and both of their trips were well planned, paid for themselves and had back up plans! I certainly wouldn't be paying for any trip.. she wants to go she needs to be mature enough to earn and save first!

However I wouldn't go for a flat out no.. I'd ask for her to sit down with her plan of what she needs to earn, how she intends to earn it (NO borrowing) the names and phone numbers of the other kids' parents .etc etc Show that POTENTIALLY you may consider it. I'd be surprised if she doesn't back out there and then.

I'd consider the self esteem/self harming issues to be separate. (I have experience with one of my own children) While something that needs tackling.. treading on eggshells and giving into to demands incase it makes self harm worse is NOT the way forward.. do not be emotionally blackmailed because it won't help your DD in the long run. Maturity is the main issue for holidaying right now, not the other stuff, no matter how hard :(

I second every other poster who says your DD is lying if she says she won't sleep with her boyfriend ..sorry..

Hope you can find a middle way .. it's hard going as they grow up isn't it!!

noddyholder · 06/06/2011 17:13

Medusa can I just hijack and ask where your dcs went and were they in groups?TIA

MedusaIsHavingABadHairDay · 06/06/2011 17:19

Noddy.. my DD was 18 and went to France last summer where they used youth hostels . She was in a group of 6 ..mixed bunch and they railcarded it across... had a fantastic week, very cheaply. They planned out their stopping places and route in advance and are actually quite a mature bunch (it was post A level).
DS was 17 and went for a week in Tenerife with his best mate. He is NOT sensible so was only allowed to go as his friend's dad had an apartment there!! Even so I think they lived on junk , got drunk with strangers.... and I wouldn't be keen for him to go in a group as I would be constantly worried sick!!!!

Dd was born fairly sensible.. DS much less so :D

noddyholder · 06/06/2011 17:24

Ds wants to go 8 of them He is 17 all the others 18. they want to skateboard and barcelona is the mecca! They want to stay in a hostel for 6 nights. I don't know what to do but he was told he had to pay and that wiped the smile off his face for 5 mins and now he is applying for every job going Grin

pointydog · 06/06/2011 17:28

Not abroad, no. Not at 15.

I went on a youth hostelling hol in the Lakes with a pal when we were 15. Completely different. I might allow something like that.

Chandon · 06/06/2011 17:36

Please don't let her go.

Be firm, don't waver.

An exceptionally mature 15 year old , you might let her go, but she doesn't sound that!

Also, the "paying you back" business shows she is just expecting you to pay.

If she were a bit more mature, she would:
1.) have a plan
2.) have a way of paying for it (this could include asking you nicely for a contribution, but not nagging and screaming)
3.) be able to reason with you without a tantrum, and saying "But it's not faaaaaair" (yawn)

And how is her French by the way?

hogsback · 06/06/2011 17:39

youmaynotlikethis - of course it's not illegal, don't be daft.

Given the background that OP has given, it doesn't seem advisable though.

I think UK-based camping or similar would be a good compromise.

EssentialFattyAcid · 06/06/2011 18:41

It is very likely that your dd will be having sex with her bf on this holiday. I would not be happy about that and wouldn't agree to this holiday.

Eddieshead · 06/06/2011 18:51

No from me too. Wouldnt have let my DD go at 15 either and I'd say I'm a pretty laid back parent She's almost 18 and this year will be her first holiday abroad on her own.

Dont feel bad about it, its what teenage girls do, grind you into submission whenever they can. You are being a good parent by not giving in.

lazymumofteenagesons · 06/06/2011 19:09

I would say no and try to steer them towards something more organised in the UK. It was bad enough when my 18 year old son when interailing after his A levels and they had a whole itinerary with all the youth hostels booked. So I knew which country they were in etc. I still worried and I know there were a couple of episodes that I was not pleased about. Some of them got beaten up outside a club by the local louts and one got so drunk they had to take him to hospital in some eastern european backwater. Howver, they all got back in one piece and it was a good experience.

But they were 18 and it was well planned.

mumeeee · 06/06/2011 21:42

I think that 15 is too young to go abroad, Also IWOULDDN'T PAY FOR HER,

cybbo · 06/06/2011 21:44

I wouldn't !! I ahve a very sensible 15 yr old daughter but woudl not let her go abroad without me

travailtotravel · 06/06/2011 22:21

lisad123 - I ran the youth hostel in Plymouth for three years including eclipse year Grin

lisad123 · 06/06/2011 22:45

we stayed in one that was a huge masion that had the main kitchin downstairs. Had a fab time there :)
We got the coach there together, and one day I even got the coach alone to my aunts another 90 mins away!!