Should I let my 15 year old daughter go on holiday without an adult?

[Countryhousewife]

I am getting alot of pressure from my DD about being allowed to go on a post GCSE weeks holiday to France with her boyfriend (16) and a few other people, with no adult present. I asked for details of the trip so I could make an informed decision, but she says there are none, they will just see when they get there and flies off the handle. She has assured me that she will not be sharing a room with her boyfriend! She is at a school where lots of the kids are spoiled with this kind of end of term freedom, but I think she is too young to go away like this. She is apparently the only one not allowed to do this sort of thing and it is causing alot of tension and arguing in the house. Help what should I do, does anyone have any advice or experience of this kind of problem and are we being too strict?

15 without an adult??surely thats illegal?
NO is the answer if you realy need telling

Don't know about France, but here in UK you have to be 16 to stay in a youth hostel without an adult. (I rang them recently about this for my DC)

We are gullible too, but I know we are treating her with kid gloves a bit as she has low self esteem and has self harmed in the past. She is getting help but I am frightened of saying no to too much so that she doesn't feel like an odd one out or that the lack of freedom we are giving her, like this holiday, pushes her further the other way into being miserable. We are walking a tight rope everyday really walking on egg shells. I think if she had not done the self harming (we hope this has stopped now) we would be looking upon things differently.

youmaynotlikeit - why on earth would it be illegal??? LOTS of children travel unaccompanied all the time. We weren't all brought up in cotton wool cocoons.

It's perfectly reasonable for a mature, responsible 15 year old to go on holiday on her own - I did, many of my friends did, and many of my younger relatives are doing it right now - one of my cousins will be spending most of the summer rock climbing in southern Spain with a mixed group of 15-17 year olds.

On the other hand, OP's DD doesn't really sound mature enough at the moment. But I think a blanket statement that children shouldn't travel alone is ridiculous.

No way - and the story about her being the only one not allowed is almost certainly BS.

She is a minor and you are responsible for her. If there is not going to be another responsible adult there to keep an eye out for her, there is no way I would be letting her go IIWY. A 16 year old boyfriend doesn't count as a responsible adult - any responsibility he may have will be hugely compromised by his - ahem- hormones.

You can get organised youth holidays, what about suggesting one of those?

Hogsback - surely they would have an experienced rock climber with them or are they just doing a bit of hiking?

Let her go. I went away at 15 and didn?t come home poisoned or pregnant. 15 isn?t that young.

If she could pay for it upfront, gave you a detailed plan and stopped losing her temper, I would let her go.

Senorita - they are going to El Chorro. They are all excellent rock climbers, there's probably not one of them who climbs below 6a.

I went on holiday with my boyfriend when I was 16 years old (might have been 17), BUT we were staying in a youth hotel, and the girls slept seperately to the boys and I was a fairly sensiable girl. There was 12 of us, and we went to plymouth to see the eclipse, was a great experience.

Now I have dds of my own I wouldnt be saying yes, especially as its in france and you have no details at all.
I would be tempted to ask for the other parents details and call them, I bet not everyone is going. Maybe make a better suggestion of goign somewhere nearby for weekend, BUT make her find a job to fund it.

I travelled alone a lot from 14, including going to the US, travelling around by Greyhound bus and coming back via Paris when I was 16 (with a friend who was also 16). But even then my parents were seen as irresponsible, and I envied people whose parents seemed a bit more bothered. Nothing bad happened, and I've always been confident and happy about going anywhere I fancy, BUT I planned itineraries, booked what needed booking, worked out a budget including food and an emergency fund, sorted my own insurance etc., and I didn't drink (ever, anywhere), and was used to running the house and taking care of my little sisters. My lost childhood is another story: the point is that it's not age but common sense and experience that should dictate teenagers' independence, and parents who should make the judgement.

I think 15 is too young. I reckon 17/18 is about right for a first holiday away without adult supervision.

I think that Annunziata's phrasing of this is right: it's about the conditionality - if X, then Y.

I do think you need to be able to have a straightforward conversation about sex with her, though. When you do.... frankly, I think having a boyfriend is possibly better than not having a boyfriend for going on holidays like this. At least you know who she'll be doing stuff with!

I'm sorry but no, I definitely wouldn't let her go. For a start, she's only 15. Apart from that they don't know where they will be staying & you can't be sure who else will be around. A group of wandering 15/16 year olds in a foreign country is a horror film waiting to be made I'm afraid (if it hasn't already been ). When your DD reaches 18 she'll be able to go on as many holidays as she can afford whether you are happy with the arrangments (or lack of) or not - however that's not quite yet. Emotionally & maturity wise there's a long way between 15 and 18.

No way. A holiday is a luxury, not a right.

If she thinks she is old enough to go on holiday without you, then she is old enough to work and pay for it herself.

Listen to MrsPoyser - your daughter sounds a far cry from this kind of teenage traveller.
Sihilly also speaks sense...

No

I would let a mature 15 year old travel with friends in this country. Dd1 is 13 and if she made that sort of request in a couple of years I would trust her. However your dd sounds vulnerable and I certainly would not permit a child like that to be so far away under such vague circumstances. There is also the money issue. I would expect substantial funding to come from the child's resources. That she can't pay for it at all is enough reason to say no. Yes she will make a huge fuss but you just have to suck that up. Far better put up with sort of hassle than have a terrified child ringing from France at 2am when something has gone wrong.

I would say no.

It's my opinion that fifteen is too young to go abroad with a bunch of friends. Clearly, we all think differently but that's my view.

My daughter went to a friend's parents' holiday cottage in this country for a few days with a crowd of friends after GCSEs. I knew that I could get to her if I needed to but I didn't worry and they all had a great time but were sensible and respectful. Nothing went wrong. She was sixteen.

She's 17 now and wants to go away with her boyfriend's family this year and I'm perfectly happy about that.

Next year she might go inter-railing for a month around Europe but she'll be eighteen then.

I feel it's a case of letting the reins out in little incremental steps.

I would speak to all her girl-friends' mothers and ask their position on this - you might find that "everyone" is in fact NOT allowed. Teenage girls are dreadful for trying to pull a fast one - I'd check it out myself rather than just relying on what she says.

It is very hard and frightening, but I think you need to see the low self-esteem and the self-harming as separate from this holiday. It does not help her deal with either of those issues by letting her have her own way when she behaves as she does - you say, for example, that you know she lies to you.

As she grows up, she will need to learn effective ways of coping with disappointments and set-backs, she will need to learn how to negotiate for what she wants in a mature fashion, and she will need to be able to demonstrate reliability and trustworthiness. It doesn't sound as if she is capable of that yet. I think whether or not 15-16 yr old generally go abroad after GCSEs is beside the point - is your daughter ready? It sounds as if the answer is 'no'.

I think a lot depends on the group of friends too. Dd1 has friends through school but she also has a group of friends at church. I have known the latter children for most or all of their lives and I know their parents too. I would be much happier for her to do pretty much anything with them.

I think she is being unreasonable, especially as i have found out you cannot book hotels unless you are 18. You should if she is very persistant to go somewhere within the UK, such as Newquay. It's important to realise, that after GCSE's Its largely seen as a 'right of passage' for a child to have a holiday alone.

OMG, do not let her go to Newquay - some absolute horror stories of what goes on there post-exams. Better France than that.

I think you need to ignore the 'rite of passage' stuff, as I said, and think about what's right for your family and your child.

I know it's the DM, but I actually don't think this exaggerates what Newquay is like after exams:

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1197952/So-young-foolish-sad-As-teenagers-die-wild-parties-Newquay-drunken-mobs-turn-war-zone.html