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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Should I let my 15 year old daughter go on holiday without an adult?

116 replies

Countryhousewife · 06/06/2011 13:06

I am getting alot of pressure from my DD about being allowed to go on a post GCSE weeks holiday to France with her boyfriend (16) and a few other people, with no adult present. I asked for details of the trip so I could make an informed decision, but she says there are none, they will just see when they get there and flies off the handle. She has assured me that she will not be sharing a room with her boyfriend! She is at a school where lots of the kids are spoiled with this kind of end of term freedom, but I think she is too young to go away like this. She is apparently the only one not allowed to do this sort of thing and it is causing alot of tension and arguing in the house. Help what should I do, does anyone have any advice or experience of this kind of problem and are we being too strict?

OP posts:
IloveJudgeJudy · 06/06/2011 23:44

all of you whose DC are going abroad and are under 18, can you please tell me how you arranged it? When my DS 17 tried to arrange it, he couldn't as no-one in the party was over 18. Many thanks. Also, in this country, we couldn't find any places that would just let U18s in.

hogsback · 07/06/2011 07:45

judy Ferry and train companies don't check age. Youth hostels and campsites are happy to take under 18s.

hogsback · 07/06/2011 07:58

judy sorry forgot to add that children can fly unaccompanied from the age of 12 on most airlines (younger than that and you will need to pay for the chaperone service) and at 17 your DS would simply be treated as an adult.

And of course coaches are happy to take children of any age.

So I really don't understand how your 17 year old DS failed to organise a holiday. It sounds like he wasn't trying very hard tbh.

circular · 07/06/2011 08:31

NO - not going abroad without a responsible adult at 15. Preferably not under 18 for the reason if having to bail them out for legal/medical as others have said.

Perhaps an organised UK trip for a mature 15 year old. Although again, as others have already said, your DD does not seem to be acting very mature in her attitude and responses re the trip.

I have an August born 13 year old DD, so can see us being in similar situation post GCSE. Its tough when all your friends turn 16 first.

quirrelquarrel · 07/06/2011 12:57

You can say she's too young etc etc- but she's got three or four years left before she has to knuckle down to work at uni/in a job, this is what being young is all about...she'll be with other people.

suburbophobe · 07/06/2011 17:23

It's like she hasn't thought it through, come with a (rough) itinery and websites/reservations for travel and at hostels/camping sites etc.
And a list of who's going.

It's high season in Europe just about by now, so you cannot expect to find anything available by just turning up and hope for the best....

If she hasn't got these basics in place, she's not old enough to do it.

Also, I agree, don't fund it!

And you really need to find out who's going! When my son went to Sziget festival in Hungary at 17 going on 18 I knew all his friends going (and their parents) and knew how they were travelling and where they were staying - god bless google! - (in case of emergency).

At 15 a bunch of them went off on a supervised teen camp on the beach in the west of France, sports as well as fun. (and at that age they were given a lot of freedom, to go off to the village in the evenings etc.).

At that age he had the choice of that or stay home! Grin

scarlettsmummy2 · 07/06/2011 17:27

No. Bottom line.

CinnabarRed · 07/06/2011 17:27

When I was 16 I wanted to go to Glastonbury with my best friend (who happened to be a boy). My Mum said no. As my Dad had only died a few months before, and I knew Mum was still feeling unbearably fragile, I smiled at her, said "Maybe next year then" and got on with my day.

To my utter shock, she told me the next day that I could go after all AND she would drive us there. She decided that if I was grown up enough to take her No on the chin then I was grown up enough to go.

peggity · 07/06/2011 19:25

Trust your instinct. A first holiday would be better in the UK - and less expensive.

mumslife · 07/06/2011 22:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

josla · 08/06/2011 01:01

eeeek! no! i wouldn't anyway. i won't let my 16 year old DS go on holiday with his friends - the compromise is they can all stay in tents on the same campsite as us parents - but I suppose it does depend on the teen - mine has consistantly shown me that he can't be trusted and has a very immature outlook on life...

IloveJudgeJudy · 08/06/2011 08:32

Hogsback. I have found that campsites won't take unaccompanied U18s. He hasn't looked at youth hostels. I also found that travel companies won't take unaccompanied U18s either, that's the story online, anyway. Haven't checked at travel agents. I know about the 12 yo thing on airlines. My DD went unaccompanied, without a chaperone, to Germany when she was 12. All fine. I'm not precious, just want to know how to organise it. None of his friends have managed to organise anything, either. He's going to a festival, but wanted to go somewhere, prob UK, just to chill with his mates.

cory · 08/06/2011 09:02

agree with all the posters who have stated the following:

a) if she can't even come up with an itinerary or a plan for accommodation, then she shows she is not ready: adults are people who behave like adults

b) her age would make it very awkward for you if anything happened, having to travel out there to sort out anything legal or medical

c) you are under no obligation to pay for this

There is also the nuisance factor. When I was young and working on summer digs, we did have a Dutch 14 yo on site: she survived and was ok, but there is no doubt other people had to look out for her and though it a bit of a nuisance- I wouldn't want to inflict my child on strangers like that and just assume they are going to keep sorting her out.

heleninahandcart · 13/06/2011 23:29

DD sounds like she may be more vulnerable than some girls so maybe she is not ready yet? It may be kinder in the long run to restrict her this year, and support her next year.

16 for 'official' legal reasons (e.g. some budget airlines would not take her without an adult so what to do to get home in an emergency?)
She really should save up for at least some of it
She will not be the only one not going somewhere
At least some firm plans in place, eg a particular camp site
She is already reacting badly to reasonable requests for info - this will not change once she's gone
Your gut feel tells you no

I do understand about the fallout from saying no, its difficult

AnyFucker · 13/06/2011 23:32

christ almighty, absolutely not

ignore the fallout of saying no...who is the adult here ?

you are responsible for her

don't even consider this

seeker · 13/06/2011 23:38

Is there a festival in this country they could go to instead? Lounge on the Farm? Good peole there this year!

ellisbell · 14/06/2011 09:33

no I wouldn't let her go. She can go when she can pay for it, talk about it sensibly and show that she has made proper plans.

This may be a tactic to encourage you to let them go on holiday together in this country. I wouldn't fund that either.

caliecarter · 19/08/2011 18:02

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

caliecarter · 21/08/2011 14:00

It depends on if you trust her and the situation. I wouldn't be scared of the trip per say but the un-supervision of teens for the weekend. Well its a big no no!

LeBJOF · 21/08/2011 14:14

It's quite an old thread too- I imagine the issue has been resolved.

debrs4 · 22/08/2011 07:49

I suspect it has too but the answer to the question is no, absolutely not!

debrs4 · 22/08/2011 07:56

A lot of today's problems have been caused by parents being too scared to say no to their children. Don't be afraid to set your kids boundaries. Admittedly I have religious beliefs that colour my views on this. But last summer my eldest daughter wanted to go away with her boyfriend and I vetoed that without a second thought. She was 22 at the time but I instantly said 'Go away on holiday with a man you're not married to? I don't think so!' She instantly obeyed me and the subject has never reared it's ugly head since.A lot of today's problems have been caused by parents being too scared to say no to their children. Don't be afraid to set your kids boundaries. Admittedly I have religious beliefs that colour my views on this. But last summer my eldest daughter wanted to go away with her boyfriend and I vetoed that without a second thought. She was

exoticfruits · 22/08/2011 08:10

Good grief she was 22years old and had been an adult for 4 years! Why was she living at home and why was she asking you? Maybe different if she was asking you to pay. There is only one thing to do with a controlling mother-have a secret life. Sad when you then don't really know your DCs.

debrs4 · 23/08/2011 08:03

I'm sure it would be sad but I'm not in that position.

exoticfruits · 23/08/2011 08:23

How would you know? Hmm
Those with controlling mothers make the best liars-or at least are very economical with the truth.
DH had emigrated to Canada by the time he was 22yrs-the thought of his mother controlling holidays is very odd.
I can just imagine my 22yr old DC's face if I tried to tell him what he could do or not do with his hard earned money for a holiday!
I am much older than the average poster on here, but even back when I was that age I wouldn't have expected my parents to veto a holiday with my boyfriend.
Of course DCs need boundries-but by the time they are 22 yrs old they have their own boundries. I do not want my DCs settling down to marriage at a young age, just so they can go on holiday together.

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