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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Reasonable?

31 replies

Foxinthewoods · 10/05/2011 22:45

DD14 thinks I am being unreasonable taking her computer and phone at 10pm. It had been 1030 until she started sneaking back online and texting till midnight, so each time she does this I have taken time off. Is it too early do you think? Nightmare to get up in the mornings as it is, but now I've left her feeling upset and that I'm ruining her life. Never happy unless she gets her own way.

Am I the worst sort of Mother for doing this?

OP posts:
SandStorm · 10/05/2011 22:52

Well my DD (13) doesn't even have a computer so your DD should count herself lucky to start with. Computers and phones are a privilege, not a right. Keep doing what you're doing.

Tortington · 10/05/2011 22:55

i am currently taking ds's laptop off him when i go to bed - about midnight.

you might think this is perfectly fine

HE IS EIGHTEEN! Grin

i don't know how i get away with this shit

eighteen!

yanbu

AgentProvocateur · 10/05/2011 23:17

I don't believe that you take her phone away at 10pm. My DS (who is the same age) tells me every night that I am the only mum in the world who does this - surely there can't be another mum as "unreasonable" and "controlling" as I am? Wink

cyrilsneer · 11/05/2011 07:24

Not unreasonable since you have caught her out before messing about on these gadgets after the curfew and especially if she can't wake up in the mornings.

I aim to get my fifteen year old's light out at 9.30. It's often nearer ten, admittedly, but I really do think teenagers need their sleep.

TanteRose · 11/05/2011 07:31

oh I feel your pain - my DD is 13 and we have a family computer which I say has to go off at 10pm. She stomps around telling me its too early etc.

wish she would then go to bed - but it usually past 11pm by the time she turns her light off - not on the phone, but just...pottering...Hmm

she is OK in the mornings usually, she has to get up early to do her hair...Hmm

gingeroots · 11/05/2011 09:12

Not unreasonable at all .
Custardo - another mother controlling her 18 year old here .

Ooopsadaisy · 11/05/2011 09:18

If she can't get up then she needs the sleep.

I think you are being perfectly reasonable.

I am fortunate in fact DS (15) seems to be able to self-regulate really sensibly. In fact on Sunday night he was really tired as had had a long sporty day on Saturday, been out since 6am fishing on Sunday and was knackered. At 9pm he said: "I'm done. Goodnight."

He was up about 7am on Monday. If he hadn't have been then I would have been on his case.

YANBU. But teenagers are supposed to think you are, so don't over-think it.

GKlimt · 11/05/2011 09:20

Another mum who agrees with you. I also, remove his i pod at 10pm to prevent late night gaming and MSN usage.

Mind you, it doesn't seem to help him go to sleep any earlier or get up any easier. Sad

GKlimt · 11/05/2011 09:36

........altho', it does mean that I can go to bed at a reasonable hour whilst he faffs about doing other things.

Maryz · 11/05/2011 10:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

schoolchauffeur · 11/05/2011 11:59

I think you are being more than reasonable. Here Gizmos in rooms have to be off by nine on a school night and no texting after 9.30 unless its an emergency- reminding a friend to bring a book/borrowed uniform item/money in to school the next day or asking for a lift home etc. Bed and lights out not until ten, but my rule usually means they come downstairs before nine, have snacks etc and we sit and chat in front of Tv before bedtime. Weekends we are a bit laxer but only by an hour! DD nearly 16 and DS 13. Both studying for exams at the moment so in practice by the time they get in from school ( after 5) have dinner and homework and walk their dogs, not much time for it during week anyway.

orangesmarties · 11/05/2011 12:54

I don't think it's at all un reasonable. Stick to your guns! Despite the fact that teenagers think they can function on 6 hours sleep, they can't - especially when they've got 6 hours of learning ahead of them each day!

Davsmum · 11/05/2011 15:59

I wouldn't allow a 14 year old to have those things on after 9 pm !
It doesn't really matter if she thinks you are being unreasonable - You are the adult and are responsible for her well being so when you make a rule you need to stick with it however much pressure she puts on you.

Of course you need to review the rules from time to time but the fact she is a nightmare to get up in the morning is enough evidence to prove you are right !
Kids do not HAVE to LIKE the rules !

RatherBeOnThePiste · 11/05/2011 16:06

Definitely not!
DD and DS (14&11) have to leave their phones downstairs overnight. Usually they just put them on the charger. My friend has exactly the same rule and her DC are 17,15&13.

Mine have gone to bed by 9.30.

But it is right and proper for her to think the worst of you as is her role as a teenager!

Original poster
Foxinthewoods · 11/05/2011 20:41

Thanks for the replies. I sometimes think I need a crash course in parenting as I never seem to be able to handle things well ie get highly strung when she plays up about the sort of thing above.

OP posts:
inthesticks · 12/05/2011 15:49

It's our job as parents to ruin their lives.

Watertight · 12/05/2011 16:14

I have to say, "Rrrrrespeck!" to you lot who can still dictate to your eighteen-year olds.

I am sorry to say that I go to bed most nights leaving my seventeen year old gabbling on her mobile to her boyfriend.

Hats off to you strong-minded people!

MedusaIsHavingABadHairDay · 12/05/2011 17:46

Ditto to what Watertight says Grin
Most nights I text my 18 yr old son to remind him to lock up when he comes in!! (and to do the dishwasher which he usually does:))

In only remove their phones on Xmas eve since the time I forgot and was woken at 2am by all the bleeps of texts from their friends....!

startail · 12/05/2011 21:01

Bad mummy here I turn everything of at midnight, DD13. However, that's video's, audiobooks or the light if she's reading. She doesn't have facebook and I'd certainly impound the phone if I caught her texting that late. I know the friend she's most likely to text and her mum would be Angry
My Dad always went to the loo at midnight and I always switched my light off when I heard him. As a parent, I now guess, the timing of his wandering up the hall was no accidentWink

dexter73 · 12/05/2011 21:51

I turn the wifi off at 10pm and my dd knows this. Then there are moans of 'Muuuummm!!' from upstairs like it is a surprise!

mumslife · 12/05/2011 22:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Davsmum · 13/05/2011 09:13

You are not the meanest mum at all - probably the most sensible mum.

musicposy · 13/05/2011 13:43

I think this is reasonable. I often turn off the wifi at around 10.30am, otherwise I'm very sure DD would be sneaking on it at 2 in the morning!

mumeeee · 13/05/2011 22:20

We turn the internet off here at about midnight and our youngest is 19. We don't take her phone from her as she uses it for an alarm to wake her in the morning

littlejo67 · 15/05/2011 00:10

My Ds is 17 and goes to bed when he wants. He is at college and has a part time job. He will also pass his driving test soon. Sometimes i do remind him that he should consider going to bed. He is not a child anymore and I trus him to do whats best for him.

Ds15 `s bed time is 11pm by the time he turns off the light. Though he could be using his ipod. If he over sleeps he is late for school. His laptop is taken for 24hrs.
Now he self governs and goes to sleep earlier when he is tired.

I am surprised that some posters impose bedtimes on their adult (18yr +) children. They need to make decisions for themselves.

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