Gay surrogacy

[Queenieoh]

My male gay best friend and his husband are using an American surrogate to have a baby. I am anti-surrogacy and finding it so hard to be supportive about it. I want them both to be happy but I really don't think this is the right thing to do. I know my opinion won't change their mind and most of our friends think surrogacy is fine. I guess I am not looking for advice, just some solidarity in the fact that buying a baby (for a huge sum of money) is wrong! They're even choosing the sex which is just so creepy IMO. Also, they're both very busy professionals so will undoubtedly have a nanny to raise the child... Why do people think they're entitled to have children?!

It's the thought of the poor baby ripped away from their mum. Babies need their mum. End of.

As a foster carer, adoptive parent, and friend of many gay couples, I disagree. I don't think all children necessarily need their biological mum, i.e. abuse, neglect, criminal activity and abandonment are all valid reasons for a child to be removed. I will say in most scenarios of surrogacy and def all cases of commercial surrogacy, I don't like the idea of a baby being completely separated from their mum. Plenty of children have thrived and done loads better with someone other than their biological mum. Though most kids in the system after 9 don't have that outcome.

I am quite overwhelmed by the response to this! I hugely appreciate the spectrum of opinion on this issue and you have all given me much food for thought. I will not change my mind about surrogacy but I do also love my friend dearly. Though I think he is being completely naive and entitled, utimately, I can't control the situation. I will, however, be completely honest about what I think. Time will tell if the friendship can endure! Thank you all for your responses.

The mother being unfit to care for a child is the only reason to remove a child from her care.

Gay men using/abusing women so that they can have biological children is unethical for the child who is deprived of a mother who could care for him/her and for the mother who is usually a vulnerable woman or one that is trafficked which is becoming more and more common in poor countries such as Nigeria.

No adult has a right to a child but children have a right to know both parents.

I have no respect for any gay man who uses a woman in this way.

Agreed!

Yes!