Surrogacy abroad, any experience?

[Tanya87xz]

Hi everyone, as you may have seen from the topic, we are looking for some advice on surrogacy agencies abroad. Recently after a surgery i've undergone, there is no chance for me to carry a pregnancy and surrogacy remains the only way for us to get our baby. If anyone been int he same situaton and wants to share some info i'd be very grateful!
thanx!

Also OP, join some Facebook groups you'll get a lot more support

"A lot of women literally choose to be a surrogate"

Ever thought about why that might be?

I’m a mum. I don’t have an issue with surrogacy (I’ve got not skin in this game btw).

OP I’m really sorry to hear about your infertility.

My infertility comes down to a lack of eggs (among other things) so surrogacy using my own eggs would never be an option for me even if I was open to it (which in principle I’m not) but if it was an option would my desperation for a child override my view? Possibly. I’m not proud of that at all. But it’s the truth. The despair of being childless is a strong, harrowing feeling and I doubt the majority these posters are childless.

Even though I don’t generally agree with surrogacy I think you are getting a really hard time on here (and I’ll probably get a pile on too). You’ve recently been told you are infertile so of course you are going to consider your options. However much someone disagrees with you they don’t need to be so aggressive to someone who is likely desperate (I don’t mean to assume, that just describes how I feel).

I don’t think anyone who has children understands the utter despair and deep sadness that comes with infertility. While people can (in my view rightly) disagree with surrogacy I think the lack of sensitivity in the posts here is brutal.

Infertility is utterly harrowing and I hope you are ok. I send you my very best.

My heart bleeds for the buyers. She really pulled a fast one on them!

For the same reason why women choose other types of paid employment (if we are talking about commercial surrogates abroad)

You mean other types of paid employment like prostitution, which is also legal in some countries?

Very, very few women will choose options such as prostitution or surrogacy if they have choices.

The other part of that sentence:

"A lot of women literally choose to be a surrogate, how is the exploiting."

If woman choose to do it for the money, like any other job as you suggest, then perhaps think more about it whether it is a choice if they are doing it for money.

I don't think little girls dreams of having babies for others when they grow up.

It's possible to self exploit as well as be exploited by others. It's the happy hooker argument.

Ever heard of a rich woman choosing to be a commercial surrogate @Lja100 ?

It isn't a choice any rich women would make.

It's not a choice.

Yes, possibly, although surrogacy and prostitution are quite different because often prostitution requires a woman putting herself at extreme risk. A surrogate is not subject to the same risk. Assuming she’s had an uncomplicated pregnancy before, the risk of bearing a child is very low.

women do choose surrogacy in jurisdictions where it’s not legally easy to profit from it. It might not be for you, but it is a choice that some women make.

@Icanttakethisanymore

What do you think your child would feel if you were to tell her you're not actually her birth mother, but you bought her from a different woman?

Any surrogate is putting her health and life at risk. The risks associated with a surrogate pregnancy (assuming it's not the pregnant woman's egg) are significantly higher than a natural pregnancy so having had a successful pregnancy previously is no guarantee. There are also countries where women who have never had a baby can act as surrogates.

While women do choose to be surrogates altruistically it is very rare and usually for someone they know, which is a different scenario.

I’m not sure, but then mine are three and one (and not girls, FWIW). But I know that I can’t tell a child that doesn’t exist anything and that’s the alternative I guess.

agreed, there is a risk and it should be acknowledged and minimised. Regulation is obviously important for that reason. All kinds of jobs are risky, all kinds of jobs are undesirable… I wouldn’t do my job unless I was paid, I guess you wouldn’t either.

there’s a great book by Michael Sandel called “the moral limits of markets” which is really interesting for philosophical questions like this.

It’s so obviously wrong on every level i can’t believe it’s ever allowed.

And shame on the poster saying pregnancy is not dangerous. What planet do you live on? Prostitution would be far safer than surrogacy.

'I’m not sure, but then mine are three and one (and not girls, FWIW). But I know that I can’t tell a child that doesn’t exist anything and that’s the alternative I guess.'

Ok. So you might need to wait till your dcs are teenagers to understand why so many mums are so passionate about how wrong this is. I think it would break my dds heart.

And. That's isn't the alternative. The alternative is adoption.

But the child wouldn’t exist would they…under your plan?

ours views are ideologically different, mine aren’t a consequence of having young children so I’d fe surprised if they changed as my kids get older, but I guess I could be wrong.

The risk of death in childbirth is around 13-14 per 100,000 (in the U.K.). The mortality rate for prostitutes in this study (https://academic.oup.com/aje/article-abstract/159/8/778/91471?redirectedFrom=fulltex) was 459 per 100,000.

Rich women don’t choose to work in supermarkets or clean other peoples houses though.. does that mean poor women shouldn’t be able to?

Couldn’t agree more. Women contemplate suicide over infertility. My issue is eggs too, no issue carrying, so surrogacy not an option, but I hate the way the OP is being spoken to and about when she’s probably going through the worst time of her life.

The death penalty is legal in lots of countries. Spousal rape is legal in lots of countries. Physical punishment against children is legal in lots of countries,

It means that poor women should not be faced with a choice of selling a new born baby she has conceived and grown for 40 weeks or feeding her family.
“we should let the poor have a choice of selling their soul if they need to” isnt the persuasive argument you think it is.

And what about the poor child in years to come, doesn't their MH count or is it just the MH of the woman that can't carry children that matters? So she sooths her heart and mind but passes the burden onto the baby?

Why is she going abroad for it? If it's oh so ethical, why not do it within the UK?