Surrogacy abroad, any experience?

[Tanya87xz]

Hi everyone, as you may have seen from the topic, we are looking for some advice on surrogacy agencies abroad. Recently after a surgery i've undergone, there is no chance for me to carry a pregnancy and surrogacy remains the only way for us to get our baby. If anyone been int he same situaton and wants to share some info i'd be very grateful!
thanx!

sorry i dont realy wanna any argument or fight on this, just help, info, support, ecc..
have a good day

Lots of countries are banning this now, thankfully, as they could clearly see the exploitation of some of their poorest and most vulnerable female citizens. I hope the rest follow suit.

only time will tell, thanx for yor reply..

Why has this not been banned? Why is there even a mumsnet board on it! Horrifying hand maids tale

Why are you looking abroad OP?

I'm sorry for your experience of infertility, that must be very hard for you.

I do agree with pp though. Whatever pain of infertility you experience, that is not a justification for buying the use of poorer woman's body to get a baby. Its immoral and its deeply exploitative.

Quite.

I am sorry you are experiencing infertility. But you have to think carefully about how surrogacy can be damaging for women and the baby too. I am suspicious that you want to go abroad, too.

There are many children in the UK looking for adoptive homes. Please consider that first.

I understand that you are in a very sad place but this is a very controversial issue and rightly so. Many of us fundamentally believe that it exploits those most vulnerable and personally I would not want a child to come to me from that place. Please get support and counselling before you move a head with this.

You won’t get support on here, even though all the horrible people commenting shouldn’t even open the surrogacy board. There are lots of infertility forums and Facebook/Insta group who will help and be kind. I’ve not used surrogacy but I’m exploring donor eggs and the support elsewhere on the internet is great. Good luck 🩷.

Mumsnet is a discussion forum. Anybody can comment on any thread they're interested in. Surrogacy is a very controversial topic. It's not realistic to expect that those of us who oppose it will just ignore this topic. It's fraught with ethical problems and that's why it's banned outright in many countries of the world. I wish it was banned here too.

I am very sorry for the OP's infertility issues. That must be very hard. But please think long and hard about the effect on the baby of a surrogacy arrangement. There is very little research on this because it wasn't really possible until recently, but now that the earliest babies born this way are adults it's starting to become clear that the emotional effects on them are sometimes very harmful.

I'm sorry to hear about your fertility struggles OP
Mumsnet is notoriously anti surrogacy , as PP suggested, I'd consider posting somewhere more supportive like Reddit or specific FB groups

Just waiting now for one of the people who quite obviously works for a surrogacy agency to turn up. Always a good idea to get advice on something controversial and potentially harmful from a person who stands to make money out of getting you to do it anyway.

Reddit is a misogynist cesspit. Surrogacy is unethical and should be banned. Babies are not commodities to be bought and sold and their mothers should not be hideously exploited.

This is true and if the post was on AIBU I’d agree but people opening a forum for something specific that they disagree with screams “looking for a fight” and it’s unnecessary. People can be as opposed to surrogacy as they like but it’s a legal practice and lambasting someone suffering like this seems unkind to me. My Mum taught me as a child that if you can’t say something nice don’t speak because anything you’ve got to say that’s nasty can’t help and might hurt, and it’s not a bad rule for adulthood either.

OP sorry you are getting these replies, join one of the more supportive Facebook groups. I’m sorry to hear about your fertility issues x

Hope you are ok OP, these comments are brutal. As another poster suggested may be better to look for advice on another more sympathetic forum

It came up on active, that is why people saw it and replied. No-one was deliberately 'opening the forum'. Most people, probably didn't even notice it was in the surrogacy forum or even realise there was one ( like I didn't). If you have been on MN for more than a day, you must realise this is how MN works and how posts get seen.

That's because the people on mumnset are...mums.

And mums care about kids.

We would think foremost about the baby in surrogacy.

I don't doubt other sites are available full of people who think the needs of the adult are more important. But no, most mums capable of thought won't agree.

It's far more unkind to exploit a vulnerable woman for her body than have someone on a forum tell you not to.
If OP wants to take a deeply unethical if legal decision, she is able to to so, but she can't expect to not attract criticism for it, especially if posting in a public place.

Goodness me. If the OP had posted saying 'I want to sell a kidney, it doesn't seem to be possible in the UK, any advice on where I can do it abroad?' and lots of people had said 'Don't do it, it's harmful, it's illegal here for a reason' would others turn up saying 'Don't listen to them, you can find the advice you need elsewhere?'

Sometimes people don't see a problem until it's spelled out. 'If you can't say something nice don't say anything at all' is very good advice for trivial matters like commenting on someone's new hairstyle. Not for an issue that could cause them and their family and other people lifelong harm if they go ahead with it.

So then people should look before they post?! Online equivalent of think before you speak? But let’s face it, they won’t, because deliberately tearing into people on here is entertainment for some strange “adults.”

People did think. They thought about the harms of purchasing a poorer woman's body in this way, an inherently exploitative way. They thought about the harms to the child, especially if there is genetic link to the woman who has been purchased.

You may think it is kind not to speak up against harm and exploitation, but I very much disagree. Terrible abuses and scandals are committed when people prefer silence to speaking up.