Surrogacy abroad, any experience?

[Tanya87xz]

Hi everyone, as you may have seen from the topic, we are looking for some advice on surrogacy agencies abroad. Recently after a surgery i've undergone, there is no chance for me to carry a pregnancy and surrogacy remains the only way for us to get our baby. If anyone been int he same situaton and wants to share some info i'd be very grateful!
thanx!

In that sense, we should be able to buy part of someone's liver then? After all, they can live with the remainder, and the patients human right to life is conserved.

Complete lack of any medical knowledge.

Yes, the risk of dying whilst being a prostitute, not directly because of. Stop misrepresenting statistics. Plus the risk of death in childbirth, missing the 'whilst pregnant' bit there. Nevermind disability, trauma etcetc.

Those are the facts though. It’s immoral but legal. You just have to hope the majority put morals and the safety of others before their own wants and desires .

I just feel that as much as I don’t agree with it I’m not going to demonise those acting within current laws. I know what infertility is like so I can see how it may be easy to believe surrogacy is the only hope.

I’m sorry to hear that @adviceneeded1990 Infertility is so cruel isn’t it. Sorry you, me and the OP are in this horrible club.

But that’s a different arguement isn’t it?. To say something is only a choice if rich people choose it (which is what the poster I was responding to said) is clearly ridiculous, regardless of what you think of surrogacy.

I’ve literally posted a link to a study, I’ve not represented (or misrepresented) anything.

Wtf? What a way to twist statistics to suit your argument 🤣 So you’ve chosen the extremely low uk childbirth mortality rate, bearing in mind the op is planning to use a surrogate abroad, and I’d bet my last penny that those statistics will be far worse in whatever country she chooses. And compared them to the extremely high prostitution mortality rate in bloody Colorado of all places! 😂😂

Look at the countries she’s taken the statistics from. She’s using uk birth rates against Colorado prostitution rates. I can’t even find the percentages for the uk they’re that low. All I can find is 137 prostitutes have been murdered in the last 35 years in the uk. And 275 women have died from pregnancy and childbirth in just the last 2 years in the uk.

Hmmmm - I’m not twisting anything if I’ve posted the study… have I? Regardless, I’m not saying people should be prostitutes, or surrogates, I’m saying that lots of jobs come with inherent risks, people need to understand them and regulation should seek to minimise risks. Giving birth with good healthcare is not a risky thing to do, that’s why most women do it and live to tell the tale. I also suspect any surrogate (regardless of where she lives) would receive very good healthcare because it would be funded by the biological parents, I assume.

And what about the child@Icanttakethisanymore? Purposely created to be taken away from their mother

A key point that is usually ignored is risk and insurance or indemnity against it. The truth is that surrogates are never properly paid or covered financially.

Pregnancy and childbirth are risky. In the West it’s unlikely a mother will die but she will suffer pain and may well sustain significant physical damage even if that doesn’t come to
light until years later eg incontinence issues as age due to damage sustained in pregnancy/ childbirth. None of that is covered.

Of course you’re twisting the statistics? You’ve just spouted random shite and posted a link like what you’ve said is true, with completely incomparable statements. And just spouted yet more random shite. I actually can’t believe you’ve just posted ‘any surrogate will receive very good healthcare because it will be funded by the baby buyers’, because you ASSUME it. What a crock of shit!

Stop talking out of your arse. Nothing of what you’ve said is relevant. What you’ve posted is like saying shark attacks are more dangerous than car crashes, because more people die of shark attacks in Australia. What on earth has Colorado prostitution got to do with uk mortality rates for childbirth? And I can fucking assure you that a lot surrogates in the majority of popular countries that people like the op go to, do not receive the slightest bit of decent standard healthcare! Maybe spend a little time researching something relevant to this thread!

If we're sharing studies, I find ones relevant to the topic to be helpful.

"A large population study from Canada looked at over 863,000 births between 2012-2021 and concluded that the medical risks in surrogacy are x3."

The link shows a meta analysis graphic which supports this claim:

stopsurrogacynowuk.org/research/

Even if a woman did enjoy it (and tbh I had easy uncomplicated pregnancies) or thought the discomfort and risks were worth the price. What of the child ? What will they be told ? When ? No breast feeding ? I work in adoption even the best adjusted adopted people have questions.

When do you plan to tell your boys that you are not their biological mother ?

In adoption we suggest as soon as possible and certainly by 3, we would also suggest have photos of the biological parents to show very young children and a life story book ( yes this would be for children removed at birth) But presumably you were given all the evidence during this process ?

I think you’ve got the wrong end of the stick, I didnt use a surrogate, a PP was asking a hypothetical question.

I’m not the one that bought up prostitution, FWIW. The reason I commented in the first place was because someone posted implying that MN was anti-surrogacy because it’s full of mothers (implying all mothers are anti-surrogacy). I’m a mother and I don’t have an ideological objection to it.

Seems like a fair assumption - if you’re paying someone to carry your child you need them to be healthy so even at a basic transactional level this makes sense. I’m sure surrogacy can be done badly, like most things in life. I posted because I do not have ideological opposition to it.

Better than not existing at all I would have but then you can’t ask the ones who aren’t here what they think.

That’s facile argument.

How any mother that has had children of her own can support surrogacy is beyond me. Would you have been mentally unscathed handing one of your children over?

This can be true, but it is not the norm when using overseas surrogates. Surrogates doing it primarily for altruistic reasons are rare and usually in wealthy countries.
I'd say altruistic surrogates doing this in poor countries where the surrogate parents don't know her and are using agency are so exceedingly rare as to be nonexistent.
And it's not just about the woman simply being poor enough that she doesn't feel she has a choice, women being trafficked for surrogacy is common as are exploitative agencies who take the majority of the money and pay the woman a pittance, if at all after the 'fees' they take off.
When it comes to surrogacy, exploitation is the default, altruism the rare exception people use to justify it.

"surrogacy remains the only way for us to get our baby"

Infertility is terribly sad for affected couples and I'm sorry you are going through it, but to talk about surrogacy as a way of "getting our baby" is crass and self-indulgent. The world does not owe anybody a child.