What has been your experience? Looking for advice

[Parkzy87]

Hello everyone, I am expecting a backlash so I'm buckled in ready, but please if you agree with surrogacy or not don't leave negative comments. What has everyones experience been with surrogacy? I am a male IP.
I know it's not pre set for time line or costs but how long has it taken people to meet a surrogate and what was the total cost. What agency did you use? And what advice/information did you wish you knew at the beginning.

Thank you

Not sure thats true, there are people on MN from all over the world.

That was exactly my point to PP who said it was a UK forum.

@Redleavescatfiend

I would be interested in your thoughts on this as someone who has been through the process as it's something I don't think I've ever heard discussed (unsurprisingly as I've not been directly involved) but assume it must be heavily discussed during the process?

I'd be happy to but PP has declared this is a UK forum. My opinion and experience isn't valid apparently.

It's really odd of you to refuse to engage with genuine discussion but to remain on the thread and post snark. If you don't want to engage in discussion maybe you should hide the thread?

@Redleavescatfiend

But that's just one poster.

I'm asking a question in good faith.

You're still posting on the thread and it's interesting to have a contribution from someone who has actually been through the process. So I'm unsure as to why you would engage with the thread but not with the question from someone else.

I'll have a Google I guess to see what the legal precedent is but was curious as to what someone who has been through the process would think the legal precedent should be if a surrogate changes her mind.

I'm happy to engage in 'genuine discussion' but PP said this is a UK forum. Despite being here for years and enjoying many topics, I'm no longer welcome

It's a valid and interesting question. I'll have a think about it and answer. If anyone is genuinely interested.

Thanks @Redleavescatfiend I genuinely am interested!

Either comment properly, read only or leave - up to you but this sort of petulant nonsense serves nobody and sounds like something a 5 year old would engage in

Then leave I will, flouncing off.

I know it wasn't your comment but how would you feel if you were told that your comment wasn't valid because this is a UK forum. One of the things I've enjoyed on MN is some of the international perspectives

That's a shame @Redleavescatfiend I feel a bit silly for engaging in good faith now.

Happy for you to PM me 😊

This. People aren’t criticising you because they’re bored, they’re criticising you because they think surrogacy is selfish and morally wrong, and that it damages children

It IS a shame, we don't agree but I acknowledge your right to be here wherever you are based

Thank you

How lucky were you @Redleavescatfiend and probably @redleaves75 that when questions came up that you were unable to answer and didn't want to acknowledge, that an out appeared for you, which you childishly grabbed.

That is what people in the 1960s and 1970s when they adopted.

I do not doubt you love your child but they may still grow up 'missing' something.

This is why adoptions these days are usually open.

I wonder how the birth mother would have felt if she had a level 4 tear during childbirth? Or worse? You put the birth mother at known risk to satisfy your desire for a child.

My comment did not break the guidelines!

The overly dramatic PP was claiming she'd been told she can't post as she's not in the UK. That is not what happened at all. Someone asked where she was from is all.

@Redleavescatfiend

Thanks, I will PM you

Oh this account has been deactivated and so has the redleaves75 one.

Silly me I really thought they meant it when they said they would answer my question over PM as I had engaged in good faith.

Oh well!

Unfortunately people who get a child from a surrogate just can't allow any doubts about the whole process to creep in. They HAVE to believe its all rainbows and unicorns or they have to admit they exploited a woman for their own selfish wish to be a parent. It's NEVER about the child, unlike adpotion

I'd be fascinated to read accounts from parents of children born by surrogate who would honestly share how the teenage years went and what their relationships are like with their adult children. I'm not sure how long surrogacy has been going on, and how many adult children born this way there are. I'd also love to hear from adults born from surrogacy. However I feel there is a cult of toxic positivity that surrounds surrogacy and people aren't likely to step outside that and criticise it.