What has been your experience? Looking for advice

[Parkzy87]

Hello everyone, I am expecting a backlash so I'm buckled in ready, but please if you agree with surrogacy or not don't leave negative comments. What has everyones experience been with surrogacy? I am a male IP.
I know it's not pre set for time line or costs but how long has it taken people to meet a surrogate and what was the total cost. What agency did you use? And what advice/information did you wish you knew at the beginning.

Thank you

we will be explaining to him very early about his 'tummy mummy'.

and yes we care very much about her rights and wellbeing. Where did it state that we didn't?

No one has a right to a baby.

tunmy mummy is fine when they are little. It's when they are teenagers and adults that you may have a reckoning.

and for those of you all suggesting adoption - there are less than 30 adoptions per year in our country
and yes, I have fostered

Look you have done it now. For me, you have bought access to another woman’s body who was probably vulnerable mentally or financially or both. You fulfilled your wish and got what you wanted in the most exploitative way possible.

I don’t agree with that and you have to live with that and the consequences, not me.

nope, not mentally or financially vulnerable - she'd be insulted at that.

You have to live with just how judgemental you are

there was no buying. Is anyone reading that part?

This is not a minority view btw.

Good luck to you

I realise that.
I just wish people were a bit more open minded.
I am totally against the exploitation of women for money, however, as I've said many times, that's not what happened in our family.

Alright. If we accept your claim that your relative freely offered and was not emotionally coerced and is happy with her choice. Can you not see that by normalising surrogacy you're contributing to a practice that DOES exploit and harm others men and children across the world?

I also think you've been very naive if you think your child will not be affected by this identity crisis when they get older. It is easy to explain these things to little children who don't question much. I hope you thought hard about the impact on your child before you went ahead and did this.

The huge difference is adopted children already exist. Surrogacy you are making the decision to buy and sell preconception.

Altruistic surrogacy does exist and I'm not against it assuming no coercion - when I was younger I would have willingly carried for my gay brother and partner with the child biologically mine because I didn't mind being pregnant and had super easy births. That ship sailed in older now.

A friend had her son by surrogate for medical reasons, he is biologically hers and her husband but the surrogate is in their lives, I know her too, she's been a surrogate 6 times for local women in that town! No money changed hands except legitimate expenses like parking fees at the hospital, she didn't even want money for maternity clothes but they bought £250 of savings bonds for each of her 2 children as a gift as she wouldn't accept anything herself - apparently she loves helping people!

I don't agree with commercial surrogacy

How on earth is it revolting? It's true. Christ almighty. How did we get to the point of not being able to state facts.

Why do you assume it is a claim and not the truth? You might not agree with our decision but I'm not a liar

In our country? Which country is that? In the UK there are nearly 3000 a year.

• In 2023, 2,960 children were adopted, a 2% decrease from 2022.21

...

The UK isn't the only country in the world

I said if we accept your claim and then asked you a question. Do you want to engage with that question?

It is UK based but it is not exclusively for people from the UK.
I'm going to bow out now if so exclusive

I'm also adopted. I adore my parents and feel just as close to them and loved by them as I would do if I shared their DNA.

That doesn't change the fact that as a baby it must have been utterly traumatic for me to be immediately removed from my birth mother, who was the person I would have wanted and only person whose smell / voice etc I know. That's just biology.

Bringing a baby purposefully into the world knowing they will have to go through that trauma is not comparable to a baby that has already been conceived, born and is unable to stay with their birth mother so needs to be adopted for their wellbeing.

To anyone in support of surrogacy, what do you think the legal precedent should be (in an ideal world, if you were in charge) if a surrogate changes their mind?

Firstly, if the baby is genetically the child of the parents wishing to raise it?

And secondly, if the baby was conceived by donor egg and sperm so is not genetically related to either the surrogate or the parents wishing to raise it?

I’m genuinely curious as to answers to this from supporters of surrogacy.

Please don't feel sad for me, save that for the exploited women and babies

I would but apparently only UK based posters are allowed to comment.

A woman who has willingly conceived, gestated and given away babies 6 times should have her MH assessed in my opinion, thats just not right.