32 weeks pregnant - boyf with coke issue

[Nellienoodles]

I need some advice, I’m 32 weeks pregnant. My partner has struggled with coke use in the past, it doesn’t happen week in week out but when it does happen it’s a big all nighter and ends up as a disaster. Unfortunately there has been instances where we has messaged women, including escorts whilst on it in the middle of the night. This hasn’t happened in a while because I have broken up with him before, but it’s crept up again and I went down his Apple Watch this morning due to having an awful night with him a few weeks ago and found about 5 messages to prostitutes from that night giving postcode, sending pictures etc.

I need some advice as at a loose end here, do I confront him, since that night he has reached out to a drug councillor but yet to have his call, I’m at a lost cause and have no idea what to do as I can’t confide in anyone.I’m pregnant and have no idea what to do, any help please.

I have just spent the weekend with a friend whose life and that of all her children has been destroyed by their Coke-head Dad. He ‘accidentally’ got their oldest child addicted who took up dealing. The amount of money wasted on drugs/prostitutes /fines/solicitors is shocking.

I cannot tell you how much she regrets the destruction he has caused.

OP, it sounds like a very hard situation. But one thing I think you need to get clear in your head is that doing coke doesn't cause you to message prostitutes so I would consider the two things (coke and prostitutes) as two separate issues. For me, messaging prostitutes would be a total deal breaker on its own. It says an awful lot about his views of women and his views towards you. The coke using Perhaps can be dealt with if he wants to but he needs to stop it cold turkey. Cocaine in the form I think you're talking about isn't actually addictive in the traditional sense like heroin for example so he won't need to kick a physical dependency it's more about him making a choice never to do it again and sticking with that choice.

Either way I would choose to not be around him right now. Do you have somehwre you can go? Is he a decent enough person that he feels disgusted with himself for this behaviour and would leave the home to give you and the baby the protection you deserve?

In your OP you seem to be very sympathetic to his issues and I think perhaps you should stop being so sympathetic and start getting pissed off that he has put you in this situation once again.

What are you doing op? You really think a coke user along with his disgusting history is someone who will make a good father? Sad that you have chosen this for your child. What are you hoping to expect? Your poor child, stop chasing this man to change and focus on this child that you will probably be
Raising alone

You didn't 'get' into a situation. You made a choice. You knew his history and all that he did yet chose to have a child.

With an attitude like this you're not going to get posters falling over themselves to advise you!

In any case, you don't need advice. You know damn well what you need to do, so why ask the question if you have no intention of taking any advice you get.

Poor baby.

Theres some really unhelpful and judgemental posts on here. Unless you’ve had direct experience of a similar situation then you’re not helping the OP. Talk about kicking someone when they’re down, and offering no advice, kindly go rattle your pearls some place else.

The comments about ohh Coke doesn’t make people do this….really?!!! Where did you get that knowledge from? That’s a generalised across the board statement, borne from ignorance and lack of understanding of what and how Coke affects different people with very different personalities.

I will offer one initial piece of advice OP, so forget the suggestions of NA and other group counselling suggestions. You put a load of addicts in a room talking about the same addiction, and I can absolutely tell you at least 30% plus will leave out of the meeting and go banging on the drug together.

This is a major problem, birds of a feather do flock together when it comes to drug/alcohol/other substances.

if your partner is serious about quitting the first and hardest step is to completely wipe out the friends he associates with with the same addiction. He absolutely has to cut all contact, because he will get dragged back into it.
I’ve known addicts that have had to resort to moving far away to more remote areas when the addiction has gotten so bad it’s a life or death choice. Then take the decision to seek rehab/counselling, but always on a one to one basis.

Feel free OP to DM me, please know you’re not alone some of us have walked down this road and REALLY do understand.

Does he want to stop? Has he tried going to NA

Unless he answers yes to both of these then unfortunately he's not going to change which means your life with him will be the same. Add in a baby and his behaviour is very likely to get much worse.

I think you already know what you need to do @Nellienoodles, you are worried about his behaviour and it's affects in you and the baby to post in here.

I hope you manage to find the courage to leave him before the baby arrives

Hi I’ve never posted before and I know this thread was from nearly a year ago but the replies to this made my blood boil!!

I hope you and your baby are healthy and happy!

people should not give advice on situations they have not been in and blaming you in this situation was cruel and disgusting!! I would have hoped they would remeber what it is like to be 32 weeks pregnant and have some sympathy!

I have been in a similar situation for most of my relationship and clearly the others have not as they would know how manipulative these partners can be and the manipulation along with the love you have for them makes decisions hard.

Yes the baby should always be the main priority I assume that is why you posted here for some friendly advice.

I truly hope everything turned out well for you and sending love and positivity your and baby’s way!