Professor White and the line dancing surfers eat cold turkey

[serialtester]

Welcome to the surfboard!

I am seriously considering going to the doctor about my anxiety/depression. I've been treated for it twice before and feel like I'm heading that way again. Work is awful just now and there's also some family stuff going on. I also seem to be developing this compulsion to clean which I think is my attempt to maintain an element of control.
The only thing stopping me is that I'm not sure how much of this is as a result of taking the white stuff. And I'm scared the doctor will ask me if I do that if I go to see her.
Sorry to derail the thread with this nonsense.

It's not nonsense witty. I bet that your current state is a result of the weekend. Just take it easy, you'll feel better soon.

Also half term here. So I've taken a few days off. Although son is out with friends so getting a little chilling time.

Yes half term here too.

The Lost house is very busy today. The older two have gone out to play with their friends as it's a lovely day so getting lots of cleaning and washing done.

I'm like you with cleaning witty. I feel quite anxious and chaotic if the house isn't in order! It's definitely a feeling of control, you're not alone.
See how you feel in the next couple of days, there's no shame in seeing your gp for depression. You don't have to tell them about your cocaine use if you'd rather not.

In the meantime, drink lots of fluids, eat well and be nice to yourself. I take a daily multi vitamin and iron tablet which might help you. The B vitamins are supposed to be the "happy" vitamins so get some of those in you . Also try to get out in natural daylight as much as poss.
Hug from me x

Just checking in to see if everyone's ok?
I'm feeling like a virtuous angel today, albeit an angel that smokes and occasionally swears

Sweet little Snowball have you made any progress today? Hope you're alright?

All well here. Waters calm. Also hoping our snowball is ok today.

Nearly through another day! Haven't had a drink today either which is verrrrrry unusual for me!

How are you all doing?

Hope snowball checks in soon....

Am trying to go on a health kick, I've smoked 20 fags and had 2 glasses of wine. However I have eaten healthy shit and been on a run!! I'm such a failure!

Sorry serial but I have a vision of you running with fags and a lighter stuffed down your legwarmers.

(Says me the hypocrite person that tries to be healthy but has several vices.)

pickle Halo for you this evening

Serial I won't have it!!! The wine and fags are cancelled out by the healthy food and jogging. Fact.

I have no wine, no fags, no drugs.

Seriously how depressing is my life right now!!!! Aaaarrrrrhhhhh!

Your body will thank you, pickle
and you're right, you must have done some good today, serial . Isn't running supposed to release feel good chemicals in your brain?

At risk of turning our thread into a weird Oprah Winfrey style interview, I have a couple of questions for you, pickle;

What was your turning point in kicking the white stuff and

Do you have any coping mechanisms for going out socially to stop you slipping up? (I have a wedding to go to next Sat [worried face])

No worries at all, I joined up to see if I could add anything.

Turning point: I was dangerously close to coming unstuck and DH, my work, my family finding out what I'd done.
I just knew I'd pushed my luck and if it ran out I'd lose everything. Social services undoubtedly would be called, divorce, no job, the lot would have crashed down.

So, in the style of Oprah... I used out of fear but the fear was actually what stopped me using.

Wedding: I've ruined many many events for myself by going nuts and then sinking into shame and regret.
To cope with it you need to plan out in your head who is going, who will have the snow with them and who might offer you to join in.

Is it going to be an event that will have loads of people at it?? Or is it one or two you can realistically avoid?

I understand the Fear aspect. It stops me falling down the slippery slope; fear for my health, my finances, not being a good mum, letting people down..this stuff killing me..

The wedding reception will involve a lot of drinking, dancing and stuff. A lot of my old party friends will be there but also sensible relatives and friends so it won't be totally depraved

My plans are a) Get quite drunk and say no to anything else,
b) Don't drink and take the car or,
c) just stay for a short time and leave

I really want to prove to myself that I can do this.

Thing was up until the turning point the denial that 'it's fine, I'll be ok' took over.

One day I got so close to getting caught I actually shocked myself.

Wedding wise I'd go for taking it easy drink wise until you've had a night out say at a bar first.

A wedding is such a big event it might be an idea to prove you can do a 2 hour pub trip first before an all day wedding?

I just know alcohol triggers the craving for me though, you might be better at it than I was!!

Oh yes, I'm very accomplished at self delusion

My worry is I'll convince myself that one line won't hurt and that will end in being somewhere at 5 in the morning still getting high. Good intentions thrown out the window, can of worms opened, worms everywhere

I think I'll avoid being too drunk like you say and have an early exit planned.

I totally get it.
Totally.

How likely is it you'll be buying any to take with you?
Or being offered by a friend?

Is it looking fairly inevitable?

If you know in your own mind it is never ever just one, go with that frame of mind.

You welcome to PM me on the night of that would help?!

Just thinking of the lengths I went to to hide this and how mortified id be if my mum had found out normally brings me back into line these days.

Takes a while to get there though,
And great you planning for this wedding and how to cope etc

Lost, I think that taking the car is your best bet. It's shit but needs must. I've got 2 big events coming up in April that may well be my undoing. My plan is not to drink at them.

You are probably right, serial about not drinking. Have you ever tried to dance sober? Is it even possible?

I won't take any with me but offers are likely will try to avoid the toilets

Thanks for all this counselling, it's so therapeutic. I have a week for my head to absorb what you've said.

I don't think I've danced sober since about 1988 to be fair!

1988.. Were you dancing to Don't you want me baby and Come On Eileen?

Now that's a pair of tunez!

Plan for the wedding so far: avoid drinking but have one glass of champagne, repeat the mantra Avoid the first line and everything's fine and only attempt dancing to cheesy 80's tracks for example Human League or similar.

That plan sounds foolproof. However don't get too carried away with dancing to Human League - you'll be addicted to Ra Ra skirts and Asymmetric haircuts by Monday and basically that's a step too far.

You're right serial
No one wants to wake up on Sunday morning to the chilling realisation that they've bought a ra ra skirt and some lacy sleeveless gloves on eBay.