Too white for a wedding?

[KookyOliveSwan]

I have 4 weddings to go to this summer, so I’m looking for a dress that I can wear to all of them.
I’ve fallen in love with this one, but is it too white/cream: https://www.theoutnet.com/en-gb/shop/product/zimmermann/dresses/midi-dresses/floral-print-lace-paneled-cotton-voile-midi-dress/46376663162888639

I wouldn’t choose white or cream accessories, and for the church wedding I’d wear a sage coloured jacket with it.

It definitely isn’t bridal, but is it still too white?

If by "that guest" you mean someone entirely normally and appropriately attired in a dress nobody in real life would bat an eyelid at then you are correct.

Because the other guests don’t matter! I cannot recall, out of any weddings I have ever been to, what the other guests were wearing! In fact, other than my own, I can’t remember what any of the bridal parties wore including the brides!

I don't remember every dress worn at every wedding I've been to, but I do remember women turning up in white dresses and people murmuring. Nobody was rude or hostile but there were definitely murmurs of "that's not on", "she couldn't have worn any other colour?" and "rude, just so rude".

At one wedding, two women turned up in the same dress, all white but gor a black squiggle on the skirt and there was definitely a sense of "serves you right". It's not just about being "mistaken" for the bride, it's about there being something unique about her on the day, the colour representing her. Sure, lots of brides don't care, but if you don't know that already then rather than put her on the spot or risk it, just - wear another colour! And yes, because some smartarse brought it up last time, yes, if the dress code is stated as black and white, yes, that's ok, it's what's called an exception!

I know I keep saying it, but I just can't understand why the Indian community finds it so easy just to wear anything not red or white (that's for funerals) and here it's all "is it too white, is it too close to white, how about this much white, how about this shade of white, well it's the bride's moral failing if I upset her" and all that. Just wear something else!

Have you looked at any monsoon dresses lately? Dowdy is not an adjective I’d use!

I don't remember every dress worn at every wedding I've been to, but I do remember women turning up in white dresses and people murmuring. Nobody was rude or hostile but there were definitely murmurs of "that's not on", "she couldn't have worn any other colour?" and "rude, just so rude".
Then youve been to some weddings with a lot of people who have too much time on their hands and levels of judgement they ought to be embarrassed about.

Have you seen the poster before you whp said you're wrong about Indian weddings?

I love this dress but I actually think the colour and lace means it is a bit too close to bridal. Sorry OP

I think it’s fine. Will you wear a coloured jacket. ?

I am from the Bangladesh community so not dissimilar. I wore a gold sari for my wedding and people wore all colours to mine, including red. Everyone looked great and I was happy. So much precious bridezilla behaviour in every culture it seems.

Your story of bitchy women murmuring ‘thats not on’ etc makes me cringe so much! This stuff is so petty and trivial.

@Allseeingallknowing but the one the OP shows is dowdy to me.

And, honestly, looking through the website, there isn’t a single Monsoon dress there that I’d choose for myself. Some are dowdy, most are just rather … ordinary.

Yes, that well known bridal colour that is sage green. Yep, op will definitely look bridal. 🤣

Imagine your wedding day being ruined by the sight of a guest wearing something white (or for that spokesperson of the Indian community, red). I wonder if some people forget what a wedding and marriage are about. It’s quite tragic.

I was careful not to say they were all women, because they weren't. What an assumption!

Can't speak for Bangladeshi weddings, never been to one. Perhaps thd culture is different, perhaps you on a personal level don't mind, it's beside the point. Etiquette exists and when you flout it on purpose at someone else's wedding, it's not the people who notice the rudeness who are the bitchy ones.

The last few weddings I've been to, I wore sky blue, mint green and deep purple. It's not hard. I just don't get it. If you somehow didn't know, ok, it's a mistake (I don't know how people missed it but ok). But once you do, why wouldn't you just wear something else? What's the objection? Why can't you just get it in green?

I'm assuming you mean how ridiculous it is that this thread - & so many other similar ones before it - even exists?!

And that people are getting so irrationally exercised at the temerity of the OP in even thinking of wearing a very pretty, non-revealing, peachy-cream floral dress?

While I'm not religious, I do believe that marriage is about celebrating your love & commitment as a couple with your friends & family. And the rest of it is just unimportant froth, really. What the bride wears, what the guests wear - NONE of that is what it's meant to be about. And I say that as a lover & follower of fashion trends & individual style - but only because it's fun & I get great enjoyment from it!

Men generally won't give a shit about what they wear to a wedding, what the bride wears - or what their partners wear! Yet the artificial impositions that women place on other women are ridiculous & astonishing!!

But OP is wearing something else! She's wearing a floral print on a cream/peachy/pink background. And being told "oh no that's too white" when it isn't white at all. It's ludicrous that anyone would think this dress is white. Or any dress with an actual white background but a pattern on it also counts as white.

But THIS dress is not white, or remotely bridal!

I can accept the etiquette of not wearing a (long, unpatterned) white or ivory dress to a wedding. Beyond that, no - pastel florals are just fine!

I also do not understand all the stuff about a pale flowery dress looking "too white in the wedding photos"????

I've seen women post pictures on MN of boob-exposing, arse-hugging skin-tight dresses with thigh slits, or lime-green or day-glo orange mini dresses, asking if they're ok to wear as a wedding guest. IMO I think that kind of exposure is for a night out at a club or similar, not a wedding - & they'd stand out much more in wedding photos! Yet that seems just fine to many posters ...

*Note that I wouldn't give a shit if someone did want to wear a lime-green mini to a wedding - I just think it's odd that something like that is judged fine by those who think the OP's choice is too white, too lacy, too sundress-y, too nightie-like, too dowdy, too boring, too expensive ....

Personally I do think that dress is much too white and I said it earlier in the thread. Accept that others disagree, but OP asked what we thought and that's what I think. OP obviously had concerns or she wouldn't have asked. It's something of a moot point among people who insist that a fully white dress would also be absolutely fine because the white dress etiquette isn't real (it is).

But like I keep saying... I simply don't understand why anyone who is aware of this etiquette, even if only recently, wouldn't just wear another colour. Once you know it's not the done thing, why would someone then make a point of doing it? It's someone's wedding, not your opportunity to make a public declaration on etiquette. When you're getting married you can set a white dress code if you like. Otherwise, just get it in another colour!

The priority is not to make your statement, see how far you can push it, test the bride's supposed morality in whether or not you upset her, whatever. The priority is to be appropriate and polite. I honest to God can't understand why, if people have that as the priority, wouldn't just wear another colour. If you are not the bride, then it's not about you!

I know I keep saying it, but I just can't understand why the Indian community finds it so easy just to wear anything not red or white
Did you miss the post from a member of "the Indian community" calling that out?

It isn't universally accepted etiquette just because you say it is

I think it's beautiful and just right for a wedding especially with the jacket you described

Out of curiously, are you very strongly for or against fish knives?

Yep. Agree.

Of course, but that's not the reason. I'm pretty sure I've never met OP and she had heard of it, as have plenty of other posters.

What a weird thing to say. Not as weird as being so rude and classless as to purposely and determinedly flout etiquette at someone else's wedding even after you're aware of it,and using it as some kind of nutty morality test for the bride, but weird nonetheless.

Not seeing a dress that isn't white as white isn't determinedly flouting anything. You are insistent it's a complex and subtle rule whereby anything in a vaguely pale background even with a wide covering pattern counts as white and therefore isn't acceptable.

Many of us simply do not see it that way. I look at that dress and don't see anything remotely problematic. It isn't white and the idea that "white" includes "anything that somebody else with different eyes might possibly consider to be white regardless of the multiple colours included in the pattern" is just daft.

Right, I'm bored, so last one.

It's a long established etiquette not to wear white to someone else's wedding. I'm sorry you don't like that (and honest to God don't know how you missed it, truly) but that doesn't mean I and OP and other posters made it up. It's a thing. A longstanding thing. Don't blame me. If I was going to make up stuff to spread around, I wouldn't choose this. I'd make up something like it being the height of rudeness not to consider plain, boring middle aged women like me not to be the height of sexiness and glamour. Or something.

You didn't know, ok. Now you do, you have a choice. Wear something from the almost infinite number of hues that you know for sure is appropriate and definitely won't cause offence or upset, or make a fucking point of choosing something from the one colour shade that you now know might do. And now that you do know, you would be making that point.

You probably won't ever know if you did cause upset because brides and guests tend to be polite (like I said, nobody was rude or hostile to the women who wore white at those weddings). But that doesn't mean you didn't. And if you do deliberately make the one choice that you know might cause upset rather than the zillions that you know won't, that's kind of the definition of rudeness.

I appreciate that it sucks to realise you may have made a mistake in the past, but if your response to that is to dig your heels in rather than just do something different from now on... it's not the bride's failing if you do offend her.

Just wear another colour. It's possibly the least draconian rule there is, other than getting off with the groom during the reception. Don't do that either. And just don't wear white.

Have a great Sunday.