Feeling unattractive after online rejection, how should I interpret it?

[Endomorfish]

Hello everyone,
I’m new here, my name is Lenka.
I have a bit of a problem and I’d really like to hear your perspective and opinion. I would appreciate it if you could be honest, direct, and kind.
So here it is:
Lately, I’ve been feeling like something might be wrong with me physically. On social media and friendship/dating platforms where I’ve sent requests, I’ve been rejected, and I don’t understand why. Is it because of how I look? Am I really unattractive, or how should I interpret this?
Thank you .
Here is my photo. I am 40 years old.

Smile and don’t wear black! You look very very serious!

Beautiful though!

Agree with all of the above!

You have great skin and a striking pretty face. Two things…..if that’s the photo you’re using on sites you’re not very smiley. If I’m honest it might be your hair. You asked for honesty and I like it and I certainly don’t believe that every woman should have long flowing locks but men traditionally apparently prefer long hair.

Saying that I firmly believe any man who outright rejects due to hair probably isn’t worth your time. But I guess that’s the danger of online dating , that men will make a snap judgement in superficial stuff. I certainly don’t think you’re unattractive at all.

And I do think there will be men who like short hair (and it suits you). I had similar hair to you when I met dh….but i didn’t meet him online.

I agree with this. It is a harsh photo re: expression and clothing for dating and friendships sites

Thank you.

You look lovely 🌹 yes, smile and wear brighter/lighter colours
On line dating is brutal I'm afraid, and men always want a 25 year old size 8 with long blonde hair

You are not unattractive, quite the opposite. I don't think your photo does you justice. There's no warmth to it, but that's easily fixable.

But I want just friends female like me not dating men 😀 I have one at home that enough for life .
Than you very much .

How many dating platforms have you tried? My friends who online date tell me there’s a massive difference between platforms. Have you tried a paid for one? Maybe you’d get more discerning people there? Rather than a more casual hook up site?

Oh God sorry, you put friendship/dating platforms and I focused on the dating bit 😆🙈

I would:

Consider wearing a colour other than black

Play up those eyes if you wear makeup! They are lovely.

I hate telling another woman to smile... but you look slightly cheesed off in the photo

I wonder whether that photo was specifically shot for a dating website? I'd honestly go for a candid shoot where you look happy.

Good luck!

I had a black haired pixie cut when I met my husband and that’s what attracted him. It’s now dyed blonde and a bob and he misses the way I looked when I met him. I think your hair is absolutely fab, but smile, you have a pretty face. I think you look great.

I think you look very attractive but as the photo’s obviously posed for you don’t look very relaxed. Perhaps you could have a photo taken of you sitting in a chair or in a nice location. I don’t know if you have to do a descriptive profile but I think your photo should maybe reflect what you say about yourself. So if you say you like nature then an outdoor photo or attractive pub or pub garden if you say you like socialising.

OP - you are really beautiful, but you look so sad!

I tried Bumble BFF and used different photos where I’m smiling, but after a week I cancelled it. No women showed interest in me, and when I sent compliments, they didn’t reply. I’m very disappointed.
Emotional damage!😀

Honestly, I would assume you were a lesbian, and wanting to date me. Only because of the short hair and manly clothing. As a straight woman that would put me off. Sorry! You are exceptionally beautiful by the way.

The best way to make friends in my experience is through a hobby. It happens naturally over time. I play tennis and have met so many people

Omg really!!? I'm straight but I love wearing utility clothes simple colour and I have short hair because is easy to maintain ..
Thank you for you honesty..
I will order some wig right know!

Agree with this, I made friends in my 40s at the gym. Other people I know use a lot of local meet up sites but where there is a big group event, there’s a lot of female hiking and breakfast type groups locally. You just rock up and hopefully get chatting to people when you’re there. Adult Dd has been to such groups, has done yoga events as well and she’s in a book club and made friends there.

When it comes to Bumble BFF, believe me, it isn't you. A lot of people on there are very flakey. It is hard work to find an actual friend on there. It is almost certainly nothing to do with the way you look. If you are looking for friends I'd recommend you try Meetup instead, or hobby groups!

I could be wrong but I don’t really think attractiveness plays that big a role in meeting new friends (and not dating).

still agree with everyone else about using a more smiley, less serious photo so that you come across as friendly and approachable.

as long as you meet that criteria, I’d imagine potential friends would be more interested in shared hobbies, common ground, how you get on when messaging etc.

do you have a written blurb for your profile?

I am assuming this is sarcasm, but I do love a wig. Moira Rose vibes.

You are so beautiful!!!

But I would think that you were a bit moody maybe.

I think something more colourful and smiley would make you more approachable.

You want someone to think that you’ll be fun around, not scared of you! 😁

I have tried these sites and there does seem to be a lot of women who are lesbians on there, so I would perhaps make a joke about how you’re not a lesbian and happily in a relationship with a man and looking for friends only.

Good luck!
Its so difficult finding friends.

I agree about using a more smiley photo. But, I'd add, please don't feel you have to dress more feminine to attract more friends. I'd have no problems being friends with someone with short hair and simple clothes. It's all about personality and shared interests 😊