Nobody cares what you wear

[narniabusiness]

Ive seen this phrase countless times on S&B in response to a question about what to wear for a special occasion or holiday. How do you know nobody cares? If people did care how would they let you know?

This is how I take it too- as long as what you are wearing is appropriate for the context you are in, there is no point in fretting too much about the opinions of others, which I think is true.

You cannot rock up to an important business meeting with clients dressed like Worzel Gummidge for example, because of course it will give a bad impression and people WILL care because you are representing the company.

However, on a night out clubbing with friends you can wear what you damn well like and it doesnt matter what anyone else thinks.

Did the case go his way?

Not really! It was a family case and to be fair there were bigger issues than the suit. It was hard to gauge what impact a pastel pink suit had on the Judge.

I notice what people wear, what is the point if no-one notices? I find it bizarre that people on here constantly berate others if they notice what people are wearing and say 'mind your own business'. Aren't they interested in their fellow humans?

Some examples when I've noticed other people's clothes and found their choice odd are

• a wedding where the brides friend came in a pale pink full length strapless, corset back ballgown with a train. I posted on here about it because I couldn't believe someone would do that, but I was berated for even noticing what people wore.
• a woman who came to a job interview wearing a satin blouse with no bra. She had absolutely humongous breasts which flapped about.
• a relative who goes to weddings in jeans and trainers and a slogan t shirt. I think it's a bit disrespectful of the bride and groom.
• I saw a woman on the South West Coast Path in stilettos!

Well said!

crikey! to all your examples.

I think it's often said on some posts as a way of saying stop worrying. For instance you often get it on, 'I'm going to London posts'. Often posters are just getting at the fact that others are unlikely to take notice and if they do so what? It would help if posters said they were going to the theatre so what to wear,or to the ballet,traipsing across shops or museums in London etc so people could give more practical advice. I recently posted asking for suggestions on what I should where for a long haul flight and got really helpful suggestions.

I do notice stuff about other people. As a hcp you are trained to look at the whole person so yes I do notice how they present themselves and grooming habits. whilst at work. I pay less attention to that level of detail when out and about (usually because I'm not engaged in conversation with the person) but I love bags in particular so do notice styles and brands of bags in particular. I can't say the same about clothes but I can appreciate a well put together outfit or when someone's personal style very much suits them.

I see more as liberating. No one gives a shit! You may as well please yourself. Thinking about all my friends and family - I can’t really think of any particular outfits they have worn that especially pleased or offended me.

I don’t think the majority of people do notice though. I like clothes and fashion & will notice if someone is stylish or has a nice item but if it’s generic & appropriates you don’t tend to notice. Anything incongruous stands out, I still remember meeting someone whilst hiking on a hill in the winter who was wearing heeled flip flops!

I agree with previous posters that 'nobody cares' is often said in a positive way, rather than a put-down or sneering.

Sometimes posters say they are coming to London to go to the theatre and ask if such an outfit would be OK as they need to dress for the weather, walking, shopping etc. And the replies would rightly be, nobody cares what you wear to the theatre and absolutely no need to dress up, unless you want to!

I think that’s a very charitable interpretation.

I like to wear nice clothes and do my hair/makeup for myself.

I do think it’s mostly true that no-one cares what you wear - people are too busy thinking about themselves. I honestly can’t remember what any of my friends wore on any particular gathering/event for the last 30-odd years. I can’t even remember their wedding dresses if I’m honest!

The comments aren’t generally aimed at scruffy people who make no effort at all. People do indeed notice them. They are generally aimed at people who tie themselves in knots on here over wearing the latest fashion trend. Most people won’t notice one black dress from another for example and simply don’t care what brand you wear. And yes if you do care what brand then you are indeed shallow.

Thanks for saying that out loud.

Hmm thinking about where I live people certainly do seem to care. The high street is packed with hairdressers, barbers, nail bars, cosmetic dentists, places offering permanent surgery. In fact the newest shop is one offering Botox, fillers etc.
Even at the gym women are wearing full make-up complete with lip filler and fake eyelashes. Not everyone but plenty.
Of course there are the tracksuit and trainer types too- manly men.
I think a lot of posters wear this ‘I never get dressed up’ approach as a badge of honour.
Yet plenty of people get dressed up in the local bars and restaurants near me.
The scruffy looking people always get given a wide birth.

I think in general too many people come on S&B to comment who really shouldn’t be anywhere near S&B. Like, no one goes onto say, Gardening, and says “no one gives a shit what you grow, plant anything” or “what a loser wanting your garden to look nice - donate your shrubs budget to charity” etc etc

My theory is - because other members of the family benefit from a nice garden. Holiday boards don’t get this either because you’ll be taking the dcs/dp too. Things that are just for the use of a mother are considered greedy, like women aren’t expected to put themselves first.

Spare money in a household should be reserved entirely for the benefit of children and men, or saved for children when adults. Women shouldn’t use their own money for their own pleasure. Because women’s joy isn’t worthwhile and so the money has been wasted.

I do think anyone who posts “nobody cares” on threads where someone does not have something to wear to an event (wedding, funeral, party) and need to buy something deserve to just be deleted. How is it helpful to keep commenting on threads where someone needs to buy an outfit?

Also if you are on a thread about latest trends, saying “nobody cares” on a thread with 20+ people who clearly do care just makes you look thick, but it generally successfully derails the thread onto focussing on why posters care and why it’s ok if they want to care. Can we start adding “don’t engage with the ‘nobody cares’ twats” on the S&B posts?

It's nice to receive a compliment on something you are wearing especially from a person who's opinion you value .

The comment about nobody caring what you wear has some truth . I don't notice ( or judge ) what my friends or colleagues wear , they are not my clothes and they obviously like them , so who cares !
Generally I don't notice what strangers wear unless they look really well put together and are stand out gorgeous .

I might think " Wow those shorts are really short , or she's wearing a see through top "
But she doesn't know me so my thoughts are irrelevant .

l always think this is the wrong forum for the nobody cares brigade. Most people who follow or post on S&B do so because they do care.

I agree with just about every point on this thread, although I'm in the camp that thinks "nobody cares" usually means that you don't need to worry about what other people think in most cases.

For funerals, for example, as long as you wear a smart, sober outfit it won't matter that it isn't black or didn't cost the earth. It matters more that you are there to support the bereaved.

I tend to notice outifts that look fabulous or are inappropriate for the occasion like stilettoes on a country hike and, sorry, outfits that are deeply unflattering on the wearer, although I would never say anything to them.

I admit to wondering about a couple of things though.

Trainers - the angst about branded trainers or trainers that are "in" just baffles me. I just view trainers as a practical solution for something comfortable to wear on my feet, not as a fashion accessory. The sneering I see on trainer threads at people who prefer to wear deeply "unfashionable" brands (Skechers, for example) is unpleasant and often ageist. If you removed the logo from the top fashion brands and some of the more trendy looking "frumpy" brands I reckon that people would struggle to tell the difference.

Bags - again I just view a bag as a practical accessory - Is it big/small enough? Does it have enough compartments? Is it waterproof? Does it close securely? Is it good quality? etc. I would want a bag that fulfills those functions, but I don't care if it isn't a designer bag that costs four figures because bags just don't give me joy they way a new item of clothing that flatters does. However, I don't post on bag threads with fatuous comments like "you could go on holiday for that"

I notice. I love people watching and looking at clothes. Do I judge..... I suppose it's inevitable but I'm aware it's utterly personal to me and I'm no arbiter of style. I find completely fashionable quite boring actually, what I love is people who clearly take pleasure from their clothes, joyful dressing. I like noticing even just much loved, interesting single interesting items of clothing - like when someone has picked up something in a charity shop that's a little out there, but they love it and find a way to work with it anyway (rip custard yellow levi 501s).

Re London my point is always that London's casual nature/ indifference ought to be taken as a green light to wear whatever your heart really wishes to wear. I see this as a wonderful freedom. I've never been verbally abused for my clothes here whereas the small city I lived in for a few years as a young adult it happened regularly because I didn't match the predominant style.

For me, sometimes blending in or being low key is de rigeur. Often I dress this way for work. If someone can’t remember what I wore to work yesterday or
didn’t notice it then cool.

Other times not looking a fool is key! See the posts sometimes from people going to the Royal Opera House or the Proms who had planned on full length sparkles. As a Londoner I can be a bit too low key and have turned up to things in other places woefully underdressed.

Having said that people do notice and it’s lovely to be noticed . I was having lunch with a friend recently in a fairly nice restaurant and as I was walking out a couple of maybe early 30s women sitting near us stopped me to say how much they liked my outfit and had been talking g about how I looked amazing. As a size 18 52 year old woman I was delighted!

@youegg- yes there’s often a thread on the sneering “nobody cares” that does assume you do know what’s appropriate and do own something suitable for all occasions. Like knowing that the dress code for the last night of the proms is significantly different to the other nights of proms !

The posts about wearing something smart and dark for a funeral assumes everyone already owns “office wear”.

I do think many OPs just need posters to put up some links so they can get their eye in on the level of dressed up would be normal so they don’t stand out as over/under/inappropriately dressed. (Being a little over or under dressed rarely stands out, it’s when you are wildly wrong that everyone notices you.)

Also I once turned up to a friends birthday at a Chiquitos (or similar I can’t remember) in a small town in my standard ‘smart but understated’ standard Londoners outfit of that time. I had travelled an hour on a fast train and was wearing kitten heeled boots, smart skinny jeans ‘nice top’ and white blazer with statement scarf and I wasn’t allowed in as I was wearing jeans! In a Mexican restaurant for lunch! Everyone else was dressed for a nightclub in bodycon frocks! I had to wave at them from outside and then go home as they were planning to stay there as it actually turned into a nightclub from 5pm.
So it turns out others do care what you wear!