Nobody cares what you wear

[narniabusiness]

Ive seen this phrase countless times on S&B in response to a question about what to wear for a special occasion or holiday. How do you know nobody cares? If people did care how would they let you know?

I think people do care. For example I think two of my sisters in law are particularly stylish and enjoy seeing their outfits when we get together. And there's a new woman in my team at work who's 60 so just a bit older than I am whose style I love. It makes me feel like getting to know her. Not that I wouldn't want to get to know her if she didn't dress well. There's another woman on my team who dresses very plainly but has a deadpan sense of humour which makes me think she'd be a fun person to hang out with also. So dress sense is just one element that draws me to certain people.

I also think people who say they don't care often actually do care without realizing it. We do judge each other whether consciously or not. And the way someone is dressed will cause us to draw certain conclusions about them whether we want it to or not. Whether someone is cool, fun, well put together. Or whether that person is old-fashioned, set in their ways, dull. Clothes aren't the only clues to these elements of their personalities but when we first meet them we probably don't have much else to go on. And first impressions are really powerful.

I’m always baffled by people who claim they don’t care what they or other people wear, and yet who take the trouble to open, read and post on a thread that is clearly about that very topic.

As for me, I notice what people wear all the time. It’s how I get most of my ideas.

I do agree it is a horrible move to say it on a style and beauty thread asking for advice.

And I love those threads and have an opinion. I love talking about clothes.

But do I really care? No, not really. Fashion is fun for me. I don't take it too seriously

I had a client who once asked whether he should wear a suit to a court hearing and I replied that it would be a good idea. He turned up in a pink suit which really wasn’t what I had in mind.

What I don't like is when someone is asking for advice on what sort of thing to wear for a first date/lunch out/theatre trip/a gig. They are obviously excited about the event and possibly wanting to dress up and make a bit of an effort while also not wanting to look out of place. Someone will come along and say it doesn't matter what you wear, no-one bothers and just wears jeans and trainers or whatever they grab out of the wardrobe that day.

This depends for me. If you are going to another city or even a restaurant you don't know and someone who lives there or knows the place says you should play it a little bit cool (ie not high heels and body con dress, fake lashes and hair extensions blah blah), i do tend to believe them

I agree. You could reasonably expect that people who go to the trouble of posting and commenting on this forum do care.

I’m obviously delusional because I think that if I have a fantastic outfit then people will give me admiring glances. It seems that a lot of people pay no attention to what other women wear.

That's actually the best response and the only person who should care.

Ah, Georgia Armani….a designer hot off the runways of Milan, straight to the rails of your local market stall!! 😂

Sorry @Sparklesandspandexgallore couldn’t resist when I saw the slight spelling error. And I completely agree with your point by the way - doesn’t matter to me one jot if someone is in designer labels or supermarket bargains, provided they are dressed ‘appropriately’ for the occasion and aren’t dirty or scruffy.

So many interesting responses on this thread. I’m enjoying reading them all. This one stood out for me because I do like to dress for a special occasion and I get as much pleasure from planning the outfit as going to the event sometimes. Perhaps it’s a bit like going to a restaurant and them serving the food on paper plates because ‘no one cares what they look like’. Of course they wouldn’t do that because nice plates are all part of the experience.

DH is always aghast at trainers at Covent Garden and he doesnt give much of a fig about his appearance.

It's easy to forget that most people are judgemental and opinions are formed within a couple of minutes of meeting someone new.

I'd be quite embarrassed to be overdressed somewhere though. Nothing worse (to me) than being that one girl with loads of make up on and tottering along in massive heels while everyone else is in trainers or flats. But it's all personal taste really. And truly, nobody notices your outfit quite as much as you do.

Ridiculous to say it on S&B - it really only happens when threads end up on the home page.

My original point was not that people want to go OTT glam, they just want to wear something a bit nicer than the clothes they would wear on the school run or to go to the supermarket but someone will sneer at them and say something like "The last time I went to the theatre everyone was in joggers and hoodies" or "The Ivy is only one step up from McDonald's".

That comment also misses the creativity from deciding on clothes/outfit.

It may seem shallow to them, but they seem like arrogant arses to others.

It’s funny, I’m the total opposite. I’d always much rather risk being overdressed than underdressed, as in my mind the worst you’ll be judged for is trying too hard.

I think I took after my DPs with this as they would always err on the side of overdressing if ever in doubt. In fact, I don’t think my Dad owned or wore a pair of jeans until he was well into his 60s - he’d be in suit pants/slacks and a golf top even when at home just watchingTV.

Personally, I’d be mortified to turn up somewhere dressed casually only for everyone else attending to be dressed up to the nines and would be worrying that other guests, but especially the host, would interpret it as me not caring enough about the event/them to make an effort.

I've seen posts like that, but usually when the op has posted something a bit too dressy. It's fine to be dressy, but if they want to fit in rather than stand out, those comments can be quite useful.

But I know what you mean, and sometimes posters seem to take great delight in saying "don't even bother for the Ivy" type of thing, where you feel like they're being snarky about where the person is going rather than actually trying to help.

The thought of me being seriously overdressed though makes me absolutely cringe, so I would prefer someone tell me...as long as they're correct, which is sometimes not the case tbf

I think it depends on so much - what generation you're from, your upbringing, whereabouts you live in the UK etc etc.

Also, I think a decent suit like your DP's relative wears, can be great at casual events but massive heels and loads of make up at a casual lunch, (for me), would be embarrassing. But I wouldn't judge anyone who goes for the whole works. Which brings the thread full circle back to "I don't really care that much about other people's sartorial choices"

Very true. I’m 43 and have spent the majority of my life in the North West, so my teens and 20s were spent teetering about in platforms and stiletto heels, suits with high heeled court shoes or peep toe shoes for the office etc, getting glammed up for nights out, where even in the dead of winter, a coat was an unnecessary accessory!

It was only covid and the lockdowns that led to me starting to wear flats on more of a day to day basis. I still remember spending a day when in my early 30s traipsing around Alton Towers in knee high stiletto boots…..fair to say those days are now gone!!

I've found that people respond very differently to me depending on my looks / what I'm wearing.

...People are much warmer & more welcoming when I am wearing makeup and loose dungerees. This contrasts with when I'm not wearing makeup and am wearing tight black skinny jeans.

People really rarely care about other people’s dress sense, exceptions being opinionated teens and their parents and the occasional bridezilla. You can’t tell they don’t care because they just don’t. The people that do care are ourselves

If people didn’t care what you wear there wouldn’t be a fashion industry! And there wouldn’t be any fat shaming , size zero models etc. People do notice and judge. Doesn’t mean it’s right but it is what it is

True!

You’ve answered your own question. It doesn’t matter unless you care too!