Grey hair

[Sexentric]

I am 46. I used to have very dark (almost black) hair but started to go grey very young. Noticing strands in my teens. Obviously as I got older there were more and I started dyeing ut when I was probably early 20s. As time went on my roots got more and more obvious so I had to dye it every 3 weeks or so which was a nightmare. So I gave up in lockdown. I've been grown out salt and pepper for a few years now but I dont think I like it!
I do think it makes me look older - at least from the back. I think im pretty lucky with my skin and I dress reasonably fashionably which helps. A lot of my colleagues are MUCH younger and I have had a couple of them seem to be genuinely shocked when I've told them my age. Saying that I 'rock'grey hair and they thought I was younger. I do think though that's less because of me looking young and more them sort of thinking their colleagues are roughly their age.
So my questions are:
Do you think grey hair gives an 'old lady vibe'
And also is there a way I could colour it to make me look younger or even 'warmer'as I used to.be an autumn colouring, without having to retouch every 3 weeks or so. I just can't handle that sort of commitment or cost.
And if you got that far then thank you!

I think it depends how you style yourself - clothes, makeup, hair (obviously!!!). Many years ago when I was in my early 20's I had a friend the same age who had grey streaks in her hair and she absolutely rocked the look - very long hair and stylish clothes and she had a lot of male attention!

I stopped dying my hair blonde a few years ago and I know I look my age - but I think I would look the same if it was still blonde. Subtle makeup and stylish clothes and a decent modern cut mean I know that I'm the best I can be, but I'm not trying to look younger necessarily.

Like you very dark hair and grey. I went for balayage to avoid root regrowth and living at the hairdresser's. During lockdown I too gave up but had a lot more grey by then.

Try a semi permanent eg L’Oreal Casting in a level 6 (or 5 if you’re very dark, certainly no darker). Too dark will age you, I’m 53 with the same colouring and I don’t suit dye that is ‘my natural colour’ any more.

I do this and it tones the greys in without giving me a flat all-over colour that I used to get with permanent dye. Lots of tones if you want warmth - but do NOT use 550 Mahogany as it is purple.

They don’t wash out, more like fade, but I do mine every 7 weeks or so when my roots are coming down my fringe and I can’t ignore them any more 😆

I'm in the same boat. Still totally dark underneath... grey streaks (lots of) throughout and white at the parting... so very salt and pepper overall. I'm growing it (just past shoulders after a disasterous pixie cut 2 years ago!) and suddenly I feel OLD.
But I don't think blonde will suit my fairly sallow skin, and I'm worried that brown will look even worse.!
Following for recommendations and if anyone has any pictures...!

I'm letting my hair naturally go grey. I feel old when its longer than shoulder length.

Just do a highlight dyeing directly. There's no need to touch up the color every three weeks. It's both convenient and cost-effective.

Won't highlights go brassy on grey hair?

I was in the same boat , very dark naturally but grew my colour out years ago . The grey will get more as you go along . If you’re unsure don’t highlight because yes, any bleach will be brassy with the grey . If anything lowlight the grey to blend with the remaining dark hair .

Have you tried Just for Men? Just a shampoo in that builds colour over time? I don’t know why a similar product hasn’t been marketed for women. I use the beard dye for my eyebrows as some are going grey. I still have blonde foils at the hairdresser and won’t be giving up. I’m 54.

There all shades of blonde and brown. Ask your hairdresser for advice

The Just for Men shampoo is called Control GX and you can order on Amazon. Good reviews.

I don't think grey hair is inherently more ageing than dyed hair.

Of course some people make snap negative judgements about grey hair, just as some do about blonde hair, or weight, or certain clothes, or accents or almost any other thing.

It may be that you yourself have strong negative feelings that grey = old. If you do, you either change the mindset or dye the hair.

I use a professional Demi glaze that I buy off Amazon with a 1.9 developer. It blends all my greys/old bleach/ natural hair together making it look like less old lady and more intentional. My hair is in much better condition now than when I used to bleach it every 4-6 weeks.

I LOVE pale silver grey hair on older ladies and really hope my blonde hair goes that colour when I'm in my 60s/70s.
But yes, I think it ages a woman in her 40s and 50s, and I personally would be colouring it.
I don't know the answer to your question about what you colour it with, but I'm sure someone else will have suggestions.

You need to maintain it properly. Silver shampoo and a decent, stylish cut. I get mine cut every 4 weeks or so.

I do think grey hair gives an old lady vibe am sorry. I know it’s kind of ‘in’ just now but I would be reaching for the dye bottle! And will do when my own hair starts greying really bad

We’re a family that go grey early so it was bound to happen to me - I don’t think I look older than I should look because I have decent skin, wear make up, have tinted well defined eyebrows and have a great hairdresser capable of modern cuts (not many can do short or bob haircuts well enough). I also like to dress well too.

That’s sad - you’ll be stuck in an expensive and time consuming cycle of always having to cover your roots every couple of weeks - all because of attitudes like yours.

men aren’t judged as harshly when the go grey.

Good luck!

This sounds really good, would you mind sharing the name of the glaze please?

It really depends on your skin tone. I've got olive and reddish undertones, so look awful with grey or silver hair. On other women it looks amazing.

I've been dyeing for 25 years - you just get used to it! But the shade I use now (dark auburn) is warmer than the brown/black I used when younger.

'@verycloakanddaggers · Today 06:53

I don't think grey hair is inherently more ageing than dyed hair.'

I disagree, I think going grey when you are in your 40s and 50s is the most instantly ageing step that a woman can take.

OP I would pick a good hairdresser and ask for advice. Usually as your skin tone changes as you get older they tend to advise a slightly lighter colour than your natural one if it is a very dark one.

Many people have been socialised to view it that way, and socialised to see being older as something negative in the first place.

But it isn't, IMO, inherently more ageing than dyed hair.

To be fair I agree with this to an extent. I dont think i look older *at least from the front!) But it's an association that grey = old.
I think what I'm finding harder is that I've always been a warm colouring. And they grey hair is sort of jarring against that. But I CANNOT go back to colouring every 3 weeks.

I'm 51 and my hair is a very dark mahogany brown, greying only around the hairline. I found that dark dye/ root touch ups left a stark colour contrast and then demarcation line as the grey grew in, while reddish ones left a horrible grey/ginger/ dark like a senior fox. I think it's looking faked that looks bad, rather than looking older! However I do think I've found a solution: I use a golden brown root touch up dye, it might even be called light golden brown, it goes on like highlights initially and fades to a coppery gold which somehow when the new greys come in, makes them blend and look silver! I attach (I hope) 4 weeks after touch up, clean and styled, and 8 weeks after, greasy and pulled back. Normally I do it every two months.

I use Plantur 39 brown shampoo, which has removed any sign of grey from my head. Before using it, I was a mix of blonde grow out, salt and pepper from the root to my ears and white on top. It’s more or less one colour now but looks much better.

Sounds like the Just for Men shampoo may well do the same thing but I suspect for a much lesser price…off to Amazon I go 😂