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Mumsy and Frumpy

386 replies

HelenSkeleton · 18/10/2025 12:08

I hate the terms mumsy and frumpy and am using it for convenient shorthand. I don't know how else to describe it.

What makes people think someone dresses in this style though? It's more than wearing old fashioned clothes as there's stuff in the shops that look dated. Vintage and old fashioned aren't the same.

How do you avoid it?

OP posts:
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Comedycook · 19/10/2025 08:09

To me mumsy and frumpy conjure up certain images and looks.

Overweight but not necessarily hugely so, kind of a a slightly dumpy, matronly look. I say this as someone who is overweight.

Bootcut jeans

Overly sensible shoes

Sludgy colours

Clothes which aren't fitted... slightly baggy but not enough to be an actual style.

Round neck tops

Thingyfanding1 · 19/10/2025 08:14

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 19/10/2025 00:40

Yeeeees, you can learn it. But the instinctive type is the most desirable.

I think you can learn how to look put together. But instinct will always have the edge. Those people can throw on a anything on here and still look cool as fuck. It’s how you pull it all together that counts. And they can have messy hair or any of the horrors mentioned on here and can still outshine someone in boring nylon black leggings.

Edited

This is very true. I have a friend who is slim, very attractive and has beautiful thick long hair that always looks amazing and is naturally wavy and bouncy. She wears cool glasses and whatever she puts on looks great. I’ve seen her in dungarees and Breton tops and never looks mumsy in anything.

Rumpledandcrumpled · 19/10/2025 08:24

Comedycook · 19/10/2025 08:09

To me mumsy and frumpy conjure up certain images and looks.

Overweight but not necessarily hugely so, kind of a a slightly dumpy, matronly look. I say this as someone who is overweight.

Bootcut jeans

Overly sensible shoes

Sludgy colours

Clothes which aren't fitted... slightly baggy but not enough to be an actual style.

Round neck tops

See I disagree with this, on the round necks and sludge,,for example a gorgeous slouchy cashmere jumper in pale tan or a silk round neck sleeveless shell top in champagne, both arguably sludgy colours, both round neck, but on the right build can look fabulous with for example a pair of cream wool wide leg trousers and a lovely belt.

Nothing frumpy about it, nothing mumsy about it either, and I use that as I have these items and outfits I wear, and I certainly don’t look mumsy or frumpy in them, and I really doubt anyone would think I do.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 19/10/2025 08:26

Baby tees are bang on trend now though. They have round necks.

V heck’s are not fashionable at all. So what sort of neck are you wearing?

Comedycook · 19/10/2025 08:29

When I imagine a round neck top...I'm imagining a cotton long sleeve top in a sludge colour and/or stripes...not tight but not loose enough to be stylish or loose in a way which highlights your figure nicely. Even worse if any applique on it.

KatyaKabanova · 19/10/2025 08:34

"overly sensible shoes"
Nope. I think flat, chunky, thick soled shoes are far more stylish than any kind of high heels.

KatyaKabanova · 19/10/2025 08:36

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 19/10/2025 08:26

Baby tees are bang on trend now though. They have round necks.

V heck’s are not fashionable at all. So what sort of neck are you wearing?

True. Round necks can look great. I've got a chocolate brown cashmere sweater, slightly loose, round neck. Looks and feels gorgeous! I think sometimes people aren't open to different styles.

.

KatyaKabanova · 19/10/2025 08:37

Rumpledandcrumpled · 19/10/2025 08:24

See I disagree with this, on the round necks and sludge,,for example a gorgeous slouchy cashmere jumper in pale tan or a silk round neck sleeveless shell top in champagne, both arguably sludgy colours, both round neck, but on the right build can look fabulous with for example a pair of cream wool wide leg trousers and a lovely belt.

Nothing frumpy about it, nothing mumsy about it either, and I use that as I have these items and outfits I wear, and I certainly don’t look mumsy or frumpy in them, and I really doubt anyone would think I do.

They sound gorgeous! Plus a bit more modern than some suggestions on here.

Comedycook · 19/10/2025 08:37

KatyaKabanova · 19/10/2025 08:34

"overly sensible shoes"
Nope. I think flat, chunky, thick soled shoes are far more stylish than any kind of high heels.

I don't like heels generally anymore. I only wear flat shoes. I didn't mean flat necessarily

AmusedCat · 19/10/2025 08:59

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 18/10/2025 22:55

‘Long floral skirts’

Think it depends on the wearer and how it’s worn. They are back in an ironic way.

https://www.urbanoutfitters.com/en-gb/shop/uo-contour-flock-mesh-maxi-skirt

I love the mesh and tulle skirts that are popular at the moment and I also like the satin ones. I'm 61 and losing weight. Two stone so far with more to go. My style is changing markedly. I was that woman, Seasalt maxi dresses and trainers, big t-shirts etc. I've sold everything on vinted and now find myself moving away from pattern and buying smart and more fitted from uniglo, Beyond Nine and Hush. I've also bought some nice jewellery and some chunky loafers as well as my chunky black boots. I have a new french coat and a couple of triangle scarves. As other posters have mentioned I had a good haircut and started using make-up again.
The catalyst for me was attending a wedding and seeing the photographs afterwards. In addition to that I've gone through 3 years of hell that culminated in our GC coming to living with us. I lost myself during that period and if the nearest textile had been a sheet I would have worn it. I needed to find myself again and I think I have.

SoMuchLego · 19/10/2025 09:05

As you get older and you don’t want to feel ‘meh’ (much prefer that term), I think it’s important to pretty-much plan your ‘outfit’ from head to toe no matter what you’re wearing it for.

This is as simple as chucking everything on your bed before you put it on to make sure that all of the colours/textures/tones go together.

Silhouette is VERY important and HAS to be up to date. No matter what you wear it’s important to understand where silhouette is up to (so general trouser shape/length, whether clothing is fitted/oversized/tight) and to echo this no matter what you wear. I mean wear what you want, but this is about avoiding feeling meh.

Then some minimal styling… so as PPs have said, an accessory, a coordinating bag, interesting shoes. But something, rather than nothing. And generally, try to stay away from the worst of cheap fabrics/very mass-produced, very ‘ordinary’ looking items. It’s less about how much things cost or where you buy them, but go for things with nicely set-in sleeves, patterns/stripes etc. that are well cut, an extra row of stitching on a hem, a touch of natural fibre in the fabric.

A smidge of attention to hair and makeup is also important… Hair in good condition/good cut helps (see point on silhouette above) but something ‘intentional’ looks great. Nothing wrong with splashing your face with water and scraping your hair back but this isn’t going to make you feel stylish. So a quick updo, a bit of mascara or lip gloss are always going to help.

Then suitability for the activity/conditions. Whether it’s gardening, taking the kids to soft play, attending a work conference… you’ve got to be temperature-appropriate and physically comfortable. No amount of badly fitting items, shivering/overheating, adjusting your knickers or wearing shoes that hurt is ever going to make you look and feel good.

Birlingsaresnobs · 19/10/2025 09:19

@AmusedCat jabs or diet or both?

I love your ideas.

MokaEfti · 19/10/2025 09:37

Don’t do your clothes shopping at your local garden centre.

Birlingsaresnobs · 19/10/2025 09:43

MokaEfti · 19/10/2025 09:37

Don’t do your clothes shopping at your local garden centre.

Oh my Mum was always wanting to treat me to something from a garden centre so I don't know whether to laugh or cry at that really!

I'm 68, size 14ish, short. Hourglass. What should I wear anybody please? Budget negligable.

Rumpledandcrumpled · 19/10/2025 09:43

KatyaKabanova · 19/10/2025 08:37

They sound gorgeous! Plus a bit more modern than some suggestions on here.

Thanks, and I agree that keeping it modern is important, all you need is a few key pieces, that fit well in a lovely material and it can make all the difference to your look.

@Comedycook yes agree, the ill fitting long sleeve t, that’s a bit saggy and baggy is not a good look on anyone, even worse with appliqués or sequins, and with ill fitting saggy jeans or chino trousers, but round necks can be fabulous, as can sludge colours, in fact most sludge colours done right can look very elegant , cream, tan, champagne, chocolate etc, and are very current right now.

current doesn’t mean following fashion, current just means not dated really.

I always think if you aim for elegant and current as we get older, then it’s likely fo be right, as long as it fits well, is good quality. And try to avoid anything ubiquitous, the mum uniform. But put our own slant on it.

Comedycook · 19/10/2025 10:05

Rumpledandcrumpled · 19/10/2025 09:43

Thanks, and I agree that keeping it modern is important, all you need is a few key pieces, that fit well in a lovely material and it can make all the difference to your look.

@Comedycook yes agree, the ill fitting long sleeve t, that’s a bit saggy and baggy is not a good look on anyone, even worse with appliqués or sequins, and with ill fitting saggy jeans or chino trousers, but round necks can be fabulous, as can sludge colours, in fact most sludge colours done right can look very elegant , cream, tan, champagne, chocolate etc, and are very current right now.

current doesn’t mean following fashion, current just means not dated really.

I always think if you aim for elegant and current as we get older, then it’s likely fo be right, as long as it fits well, is good quality. And try to avoid anything ubiquitous, the mum uniform. But put our own slant on it.

Yes that's exactly the type of top I meant! 😂

LimeShaker · 19/10/2025 10:06

museumum · 18/10/2025 15:02

My personal red flag is compromise clothes. When you try to find shoes or a coat that are/is practical but trying to look smart too. This always goes wrong for me. Instead if you want comfort and practicality then go the whole way and wear boots or trainers and a proper good quality weatherproof coat. If you want to look smart go for a blazer, a wool coat or a traditional Mac. If you hate wearing high heels (me) and pointy toe shoes then dont wear a small heel “comfort count shoe” as an attempt to compromise, just go fully flat and own it. You can be comfortable without being frumpy.

That’s a great point actually - never thought of it that way!

henlake7 · 19/10/2025 10:06

I just read a Vogue article on what off duty models where wearing and I have to say every single outfit looked amazing on them and would look a mess on somebody shorter and wider!
Sad fact is if you are older, shorter or wider you have an inbuilt frump factor that is much harder to fight!

KatyaKabanova · 19/10/2025 10:11

henlake7 · 19/10/2025 10:06

I just read a Vogue article on what off duty models where wearing and I have to say every single outfit looked amazing on them and would look a mess on somebody shorter and wider!
Sad fact is if you are older, shorter or wider you have an inbuilt frump factor that is much harder to fight!

That's just so sad. Not every woman is 6ft tall, size 6 and can remain 23 forever.
Talk about unrealistic expectations!

AmusedCat · 19/10/2025 10:14

Birlingsaresnobs · 19/10/2025 09:19

@AmusedCat jabs or diet or both?

I love your ideas.

Calorie deficit only. Slow but steady and a complete re education on eating and diet

PinkTonic · 19/10/2025 10:17

Tinymrscollings · 19/10/2025 00:32

But also the polar opposite of this.

If it’s raining, out comes the raincoat. It’s the same raincoat for popping to the shops, going to the office and hiking up a mountain. Practical, maybe in a colour the wearer found appealing but not chosen with anything other than ‘stay dry’ in mind. And no change of accessories so the coat is saying scout camp and the handbag is out for lunch with friends.

I think some people who are labelled ‘frumpy’ don’t care, and all power to them. Others don’t have a clear idea of what they like to wear and how to put that together, so they go for what they think they ought to be wearing in any given situation and fail to recognise that there’s a bit more to it if you want to look good.

Edited

And no change of accessories so the coat is saying scout camp and the handbag is out for lunch with friends

It’s this for me. I’m remembering someone who if you bumped into her at the weekend would typically be wearing supermarket joggers and fleece, but with her navy court shoes and a handbag. Out for the evening she’d wear very dated black sparkly strappy heels irrespective of what else she was wearing. I think she just didn’t have a clue and didn’t consider spending money on e.g more than one pair of shoes at a time even though she was comfortably off.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 19/10/2025 10:22

I don’t carry a handbag unless I’m travelling.

pictoosh · 19/10/2025 10:22

KatyaKabanova · 19/10/2025 10:11

That's just so sad. Not every woman is 6ft tall, size 6 and can remain 23 forever.
Talk about unrealistic expectations!

Yes, it's bonkers really.
Most women by far are not proportioned like a model. I most certainly am not...I'm slim but quite short. I've got a big arse, short legs and thick arms, no neck...ha ha. It's just my shape. Nothing I can do about it.

Lets start looking at what other inspirational and stylish women are wearing and stop worrying about unattainable beauty standards.

Articles about what models wear to go shopping should be soundly ignored.

KatyaKabanova · 19/10/2025 10:26

pictoosh · 19/10/2025 10:22

Yes, it's bonkers really.
Most women by far are not proportioned like a model. I most certainly am not...I'm slim but quite short. I've got a big arse, short legs and thick arms, no neck...ha ha. It's just my shape. Nothing I can do about it.

Lets start looking at what other inspirational and stylish women are wearing and stop worrying about unattainable beauty standards.

Articles about what models wear to go shopping should be soundly ignored.

Exactly this!

Rumpledandcrumpled · 19/10/2025 10:33

Birlingsaresnobs · 19/10/2025 09:19

@AmusedCat jabs or diet or both?

I love your ideas.

I’m not sure why it’s relevant, on the jabs it’s still a diet, right, the fat doesn’t magically melt off. So Why is rhe jabs relevant to the conversation?

im happy to admit I lost my weight with the help of the jabs. One of the best advances in modern medicine we have , im now a healthy and very fit size 8-10 and the truth is my body is much easier to dress to look stylish now, before I was dressing to hide the fat, cover up and feeling hideous much of the time. Now I enjoy clothes and getting dressed and my style has completely changed,