Impossible work wear rules

[HereKittyKitty6]

New role and dress code is conflicting! No low necks, no open toes, smart enough to work in council offices but also ‘relaxed’ enough to meet with homeless folk (some on street so plenty of walking). Have been told I look too expensive (?!). My style is quite classic and I struggle with non natural / soft fabrics.
Im pear shaped 10 (have recently developed the love handles so I do seem to look strangely curvy not nice curvy now!), petite 5ft 2, and shoes without a strap just fall off!
So far I have wide legged jersey trousers in navy, black paper bag tapered trousers, and a light cream cashmere cardigan. It’s cold/hot I’m really struggling here! Thinking of budget high street maybe? Please help!

It's not hard to tell cashmere or merino by eye if you're interested in fashion and clothing. Texture, technique, structure.

In this case, I think any cream wool cardigan when accompanied by diamond jewellery and a pale leather satchel sends the wrong message.

If everyone else who has done the job has a dark t-shirt or hoodie (depending on weather), no jewellery and a canvas rucksack, the OP is going to look overdressed.

If she also has expensively coloured hair and a beautiful manicure (yes, this is speculation), the whole ‘look’ may well be far too put together for the job.

Or chuck it in the bin because it’s ’so cheap, darling, only £100’ (no, £100 isn’t ‘only’ to me).

In regard to the washing, when electricity prices went sky high, I bought a load of cashmere off eBay to wear around the house (max £15 per item). I’ve already wrecked one jumper by handwashing it too hot. It’s mad to wear cashmere for this sort of job.

Delicate separates and strappy sandals are great off duty but if things have reached the point where people are actually talking to the OP about her clothes, it sounds like there is a significant issue.

It's possible 'too expensive' is code for 'service users have said you're stuck up' or similar. Wearing diamonds and cashmere isn't really the right choice for this role, most people would work this out themselves but not everyone does so the manager has given a steer. It's ok for any workplace to give respectful work-related dress code guidance.

Something like this

Hopefully this works. It's a 'safe' look - acceptable in the office and out & about

Yeah when I was homeless, my housing officer would rock up in casual jeans, t shirt and Adidas trainers. He spoke so down to earth as well and seemed like he had his own experiences like mine. Very reassuring and helpful during such a horrid time. Not sure how it would have felt if he'd have been wearing expensive diamonds and Gucci trainers lol

This!

this has to be a joke @HereKittyKitty6

you can’t be this tone deaf?

Yes this, and leave the jacket in the office and stick a fleece on instead.

Is it honestly “impossible” to find something to wear that’s not cashmere and diamonds? Or is this just a bit of humble bragging “I just don’t know how to look so classic and wealthy”?

There is a whole world of comfortable trousers out there - wide leg, 7/8 length, chinos, to name but a few - which can be dressed up and down. There are endless pairs of flat shoes with closed toes, and more blouses and T-shirts than you can poke a stick at. Is someone so stylish really not able to see that?

I have a slightly quirky dress sense that tends to get slated on this board, but I manage to step out of my own style and find plenty of stylish and compliant outfits without faux confusion about what options might possibly exist without my own wardrobe

Wear what you like and let them put you on disciplinary (they wont) if they have an issue with it - then call in your union rep if they keep pushing.

I work for the NHS in an office and visit mental health units and care homes- so come into contact with lots of poorly and vulnerable people too.

I usually wear (in summer) black trainers, black wide leg trousers/Plisse trousers, long black skirts, and then smart looking opaque T-shirts or blouses.

I buy most of my stuff from ASOS, Tesco, Primark. No need to spend a fortune on stuff. Work is work, not a fashion show.

There are lots of options available to you, for the warmer weather cropped trousers, skirts, dresses, smart t-shirts (Next have got a good range) short sleeve blouses and a cardi for cooler mornings/afternoons or a lightweight jacket for when you are out and about etc etc. You can get dolly type shoes with straps or smarter looking, comfy trainers like Skechers for when you have to walk around.

Shoe wise maybe loafers? Smart for office and comfortable for walking around the streets.
Top wise, maybe google smart t-shirts, M&S have quite a few. Can be dressed up or down with trousers. Similar for cardigans, try Next.

It's about blending and being sensitive to the circumstances of others @HereKittyKitty6. I work in the public sector and have a large team. I also love diamonds, cashmere and expensive handbags. They do not accompany me to work. For work I am neat and tidy and my dresses are from the High Street.

I can't believe the social workers in your office wear shorts ! Mind you i shouldn't really be surprised.
Ditch the diamonds and the lovely leather bag and head to Next or M&S.

I do agree with a no-low-neck rule, personally. It will be different for each individual, depending on size of bust.

I think the issue is cleavage! I think displaying cleavage is inappropriate at work, and individual women will need different types of neckline to conceal cleavage.

I once had a job where I had to wear a tight round turtle-neck neckline and I hated it - it made my bust look huge, strangely. i prefer v-necks because they elongate my (short, fat) neck, but you can get v-necks which don't show cleavage.

I've always found that where feeling hot is concerned, it's more to do with the type of fabric and the looseness/tightness rather than how much flesh is exposed. I always wear longish sleeves in summer but in light, loose fabrics, and get a lot of officious busy-bodying about 'Ooh, aren't you hot in that?' from people wearing tight synthetic spaghetti-strapped vests. Grrrr. MYOB.

They may well put it in writing - that way when the OP gets mugged for her ‘simple’ diamonds they are on record as having warned her.

Of course, by then she may well have alienated all the service users by dressing (as a PP has put it) like Lady Bountiful visiting the workhouse.

But who cares about a load of homeless people so long as the OP gets to wear what she wants, right?

Social worker dress code.

Plain t shirt, trainers, no jewellery,

No it’s obviously important to not look out of touch when dealing with some people in the community. Nothing to do with jealousy. Everything to do with looking relatable and safe to the clients they deal with
turning up at a down trodden house with domestic violence and extreme poverty looking too smart and fashionable is just not going to be helpful. Anyone working in social work or similar knows this.

i tend to wear wide legged trousers from M&S or Uniqlo with leather trainers (Clarks do some very smart casual for work). Depending on whether I am seeing clients I wear a shirt or if just in the office I wear a jumper in Winter or T shirt from Boden, M&S or Uniqlo. There are some nice linen look T shirts around that are a bit smarter than cotton. My industry isn’t overly corporate smart and we encourage public transport for travelling to work and meetings so smart trainers are acceptable.

Gosh you definitely need to dress down a bit more. Lose the bag, the necklace and diamond earrings. Supermarkets sell great clothes that can fulfil your criteria, without looking expensive. Cotton cardigans for this time of year and definitely no cashmere. Even if you wear a suit, make it an inexpensive one.

I’m a lecturer and probably dress much along the lines you should be thinking. My staple winter “uniform” is black jeans (currently favouring Abercrombie barrel leg ones) with a crew neck t-shirt (usually Uniqlo or &OS) and cardigan (usually Cos, Arket, or Urban Outfitters), then trainers (black Adidas Sambas most often but I do have more colourful ones) or DM boots. I have cords and leopard print jeans I wear too. Now it’s warmer I’m doing more midi skirts with tee and trainers or Birkenstock Boston clogs, or barrel leg trousers. I have various cross body bags from Cos I switch between, and do always wear gold hoop earrings (mainly from Oliver Bonas) and a variety of stacked gold necklaces - which probably wouldn’t be suitable in your role.

Today I am in navy Cos barrel trousers, stripy Arket t-shirt, tan Bostons, and have a tan merino Cos cardigan with me. My stuff tends to be higher end high street because that’s my preference, but the same items could be found in eg M&S or Zara.

I teach a creative subject where anything goes really, but no tits or toes serves me well! Only super senior management in my place are suited and booted.

I work with children with additional needs. Support staff generally go casual with jeans or leggings with the uniform polo. I’m higher up so babe always preferred to look smarter but need the comfort element and appropriateness for being able to move quickly, move heavy people and equipment and be safe. I generally wear skater style dresses from Apricot (I first came across them in new look but the we have an actual apricot shop now). I wear the dresses with leggings rather than tights as I hate tights and feel leggings give more coverage if I’m bending for example. I then wear Dr Marten boots. Most of the year except the couple of really hot weeks we get around now when I end up with wide leg smart loose trousers — current are shein but have had new look/asda/sainsburys. With a fitted T-shirt. I usually also wear a light cardigan with both types of outfits. Just acrylic type one not wool or cashmere. Shoes for the summer sometimes briefly change to sketchers but the shoes not the trainers. So comfy. Slip on but with elastic over the front - I can’t do strapless shoes at all. Minimum jewellery - no necklaces for example. I wear an Apple Watch but with a coloured strap rather than it looking like a bracelet. Small earrings - cheaper plain non dangly types.