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Help! Sudden realisation that I am frumpy!

135 replies

EnfysDilys · 09/05/2025 20:55

Oh Lord, I need some style advice!
I was waiting at the checkout in Next earlier, and had this sudden realisation that I’m 50 and frumpy!
I seem to be wearing the ‘slightly overweight in my 50’s’ uniform of a seasalt type jersey top and trousers.
I haven’t changed my hair or make up in years (shoulder length with a fringe) and I just look tired and worried all the time!
What can I do Style Gurus! I’m not ready to be frumpy!

OP posts:
TheSilentSister · 09/05/2025 21:10

No help, I'm you, lol.
I love Next clothes but not when I'm inbetween sizes, iykwim.

xmasdealhunter · 09/05/2025 21:12

There's a similar thread going on here with some good advice on it, you're not alone! I no longer know what to wear! | Mumsnet. John Lewis do free styling sessions that are brilliant, definitely worth a trip if you've one near you. I find adding layers or highlights to my hair helps me feel 'freshed up', and boots do free makeup beauty appointments x

okydokethen · 09/05/2025 21:13

Same I went out today feeling alright till I saw myself in a shop window - like I’d dressed in the dark, awful posture and just drab

mdinbc · 09/05/2025 21:35

https://www.instagram.com/backofthewardrobe70/?e=91f0578f-7f04-46da-89e0-ba2258a23ddb&g=5

I follow Back of the Wardrobe, who is a very average size woman in her 50's. Her picks aren't too expensive, are casual which suits my lifestyle as well, Her looks are very achievable.

Get yourself a few good basics, copy some of the mannequins in the shop windows. Maybe book yourself into a hair salon. Find someone who's style you like, and who has similar hair to yours, and ask them who their stylist is. Don't be shy!

Instagram

https://www.instagram.com/accounts/login/?next=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.instagram.com%2Fbackofthewardrobe70%2F%3Fe%3D91f0578f-7f04-46da-89e0-ba2258a23ddb%26g%3D5&is_from_rle

EggnogNoggin · 09/05/2025 23:38

I can relate to a similar frumpy mum crisis at 40. I think its normal to have a sudden trigger for change though.

I basically went back to my teenage wardrobe with a modern twist. I was quite into music and heavy black eyeliner, black jeans etc so I revisited it and updated it - brown liner, baggy jeans and (long!) crop tops.

Figuring our where tops should stop and trousers start is my No1 tip. Usually your natural waist but will depend on your figure.

My advice is to think back to a time you felt most you and give it a glow up. Buy nice things, like luxury make up or haircare, new pants and a facial.

LunaTheCat · 09/05/2025 23:42

Do something simple first … go to a good hairdresser,, get your eyebrows done, start looking at Pinterest, start walking every day, think about Pilates… it’s the best for improving posture.
I love the advice of going back to when you felt great .

StrongandNorthern · 09/05/2025 23:47

EggnogNoggin · 09/05/2025 23:38

I can relate to a similar frumpy mum crisis at 40. I think its normal to have a sudden trigger for change though.

I basically went back to my teenage wardrobe with a modern twist. I was quite into music and heavy black eyeliner, black jeans etc so I revisited it and updated it - brown liner, baggy jeans and (long!) crop tops.

Figuring our where tops should stop and trousers start is my No1 tip. Usually your natural waist but will depend on your figure.

My advice is to think back to a time you felt most you and give it a glow up. Buy nice things, like luxury make up or haircare, new pants and a facial.

I just LOVE this! Brilliant advice.

Upperroom · 10/05/2025 00:01

What’s your footwear like op? I always think this is the biggest giveaway of frumpyness.
Also have your colours done, get on Mounjaro if you’re overweight and a little Botox goes a long way. I realise some of this might be controversial.

Upperroom · 10/05/2025 00:01

Any brightly coloured sketchers need to go in the bin / charity

healthybychristmas · 10/05/2025 00:14

Is anyone thinking of that thread where the poster said she looked like Suzi Quatro's Nan?

HedgehogOnTheBike · 10/05/2025 00:17

I have sketchers 😭
Got a weak ankle after a fall and they are so comfortable and supportive

But I also look frumpy

overitalmost · 10/05/2025 00:18

I am still trying to work out what threading eyebrows mean 😳

Stichintime · 10/05/2025 00:22

Exersise. Lose fringe. Don't wear tunics. Don't wear crocs outside the house. Stop looking at yourself in harsh lighting. Don't slump. Walk tall with chin slightly raised.

Upperroom · 10/05/2025 00:23

HedgehogOnTheBike · 10/05/2025 00:17

I have sketchers 😭
Got a weak ankle after a fall and they are so comfortable and supportive

But I also look frumpy

There are other supportive shoes! 😬😅

BernardButlersBra · 10/05/2025 00:24

healthybychristmas · 10/05/2025 00:14

Is anyone thinking of that thread where the poster said she looked like Suzi Quatro's Nan?

🤣🤣🤣

madaboutpurple · 10/05/2025 04:36

I get threading done at a beauty salon, I get my face and eyebrows done. It is a way of getting rid of facial hair and tidies up eyebrows. The beautician uses a piece of cotton to sort that out. My last hairdresser has packed in and I went to a new salon recently and the stylist had useful suggestions and I am happy with my hair. I have had people say my style suits me and it is ages since I was complimented on my hair. I have had my colours done and I know which colours suit me. That was very useful as the day covered all sorts of info, There is a lot on the internet about colours .I always check I am happy with my clothes and colours and I am .I have a god collection of clothes to wear. I love having a set of colourful clothes . I hope you get some lovely things to wear OP. I think sorting out things that make us happier is an ongoing issue.

AzurePanda · 10/05/2025 04:49

Agree with starting with your footwear, imo this can be the most aging thing in a wardrobe. Next start with your trouser shape, there are so many new jeans shapes out there. As someone with a small waist and a big bum barrel leg really works for me but here is something for everyone these days.

ANagsHead · 10/05/2025 05:05

For a start you could stop shopping at Next.

Download the Vogue app. (Not the magazine, the one that used to be called the Vogue Runway app.)

https://apps.apple.com/gb/app/vogue-fashion-shopping/id289380413

Click on ‘Runway’. Accustom yourself to browsing, and paying attention to, every new runway show. (Don’t bother about the other stuff on the app unless it interests you.) This is the opposite of spending three seconds looking at something extreme, guffawing and running back to Next … It may take years to appreciate what you’re looking at (assuming you don’t have qualifications in Art and Design).

Save the Net-a-Porter site to your screen. (Or get the app if you prefer.) It doesn’t matter whether you think you can’t afford anything there (though the lower priced brands are at upper High St prices) - what’s helpful is to get your eye in, and familiarise yourself with an elevated level of style and dressing. Pick out a dozen brands that appeal to you (regardless of price) and go to their own websites. Spend some time on them - maybe sign up to a few mailing lists. Work out how you can get closer to those looks - maybe through their sales, or pre-owned, or renting for important events, or just looking for similar styles from Zara.

Approach your quest with an open mind …

JMAngel1 · 10/05/2025 07:54

Binning anything from Seasalt would be a good move.

It can seem daunting but check out Kibbe - once I learned my style everything clicked into place.

If you start with the basics - e.g. get yourself some plain t shirts in a style to suit you - I’m a Soft Dramatic - so fabric should be woven and soft not too stiff, neckline v neck but not too pointed, length should never be cropped, t shirt should be tucked in to define waist. This is just an example. Once you’ve worked out your perfect shaped top, look for for tactile fabrics like silk, satin and velvet (in winter) to elevate your tops.

Avoid prints - they are the kids of death to anti frump.

Go for a blazer instead of a cardigan - make sure the shoulders fit you perfectly. Find the perfect blazer and buy it in 3 colours (I have warm cream, olive khaki and blue- grey) which suit you (doing your colours also good - I’m a soft autumn and can discount so many wrong colours now, it’s easy to choose what suits me).

For bottoms find a pair of jeans, palazzo trousers and a mid length wrap skirt that suit you. These will cover so many eventualities paired with your perfect top shape. Jeans wise you can’t go wrong with a bootcut flare or a baggy straight leg (I like mine to have a little distressing to the hem but this is personal taste). You may find the barrel/carrot cuts a little overwhelming - I find they are only suited to the very thin.

For shoes - get a slim style trainer - e.g Puma Speedcats or Adidas Tokyos in a versatile shade - I find off white with a highlight colour less obtrusive than a brilliant white trainer. You will also need two pairs of sandals - one flat and one mid heeled. Strappy, assymetric styles are in this summer. Get yourself a gel pedicure so you don’t have to even think about it. Use gradual tan every other day so you always look a little sun kissed.

This is all totally reversible - you are only 50! Just avoid Seasalt, Next, Fat Face and Boden and you’ll be on the right path. Zara and Mango much better for a browse.

soccermum10 · 10/05/2025 07:56

EggnogNoggin · 09/05/2025 23:38

I can relate to a similar frumpy mum crisis at 40. I think its normal to have a sudden trigger for change though.

I basically went back to my teenage wardrobe with a modern twist. I was quite into music and heavy black eyeliner, black jeans etc so I revisited it and updated it - brown liner, baggy jeans and (long!) crop tops.

Figuring our where tops should stop and trousers start is my No1 tip. Usually your natural waist but will depend on your figure.

My advice is to think back to a time you felt most you and give it a glow up. Buy nice things, like luxury make up or haircare, new pants and a facial.

I second this. I'm 41 and have a right style mix. One minute I have the grunge 90s look, which I love, I've just made it more for my age lol Then in the warmer weather I've revisited the floaty camisoles tops that I used to love wearing but stopped for some reason. I think the secret is to try lots of styles and find what works for you.

Floisme · 10/05/2025 09:45

My advice is to think back to a time you felt most you and give it a glow up.

What an interesting idea! Admittedly I'm not sure about going back to my teenage hotpants, even with a modern twist! But if clothes are about mood and self expression (which they are for me) then this, in my opinion, makes for a far more useful starting point than, 'What's your body shape?' It's the confidence I felt when I wore those hotpants, even though I probably looked a bugger in them, that's the thing.

I would also like to defend Seasalt. I don't know what they do to their trousers to make them hang so badly on me but I think some of their knitwear and linen is pretty decent.

Likewise prints, although not necessarily Seasalt prints.

(Can't defend Next though)

TheOGCCL · 10/05/2025 09:59

I think Next are good for jeans, especially for Apples. And socks. But they have some appalling stuff too. I always think the men’s department looks much better.

I have a few things from Seasalt and like that they are ethical (much more so than Zara) but there is just something too safe and twee about it all.

It’s footwear for me that sets the tone, men and women.

Maybe look at Uniqlo for modern casual comfort.

DoingJustThat · 10/05/2025 10:03

I people watch paying attention to ‘how I’d like to look’, then hit google images. I purchase from Vinted. ( often new, sometimes quality brand once worn).

Easy bargains to wear, different styles, colours and brands. Anything I don’t enjoy after a couple of wears I resell or give to charity.

I have found loads of brands I love, styles I feel comfortable in. I have a long running saved list in my Vinted account.

Nsky62 · 10/05/2025 10:03

Upperroom · 10/05/2025 00:01

What’s your footwear like op? I always think this is the biggest giveaway of frumpyness.
Also have your colours done, get on Mounjaro if you’re overweight and a little Botox goes a long way. I realise some of this might be controversial.

I used to love my lovely shoes, now wide feet, insoles and Parkinson’s , had to give them up, nice looking leather trainers, and sandals with heel backs.
I felt safe, as I tend to shuffle a bit.
There are exceptions

CharlotteStreetW1 · 10/05/2025 10:15

It's hard to generalise with Next as they sell so many other brands.

I really like the idea of glowing up your favourite look from younger days except in my case I honestly can't think of when I dressed better than I do now (I'm 61). I'm now brimful of confidence whereas when I was younger it was all about hiding in black! (Which now makes me look like a corpse)