Help! Sudden realisation that I am frumpy!

[EnfysDilys]

Oh Lord, I need some style advice!
I was waiting at the checkout in Next earlier, and had this sudden realisation that I’m 50 and frumpy!
I seem to be wearing the ‘slightly overweight in my 50’s’ uniform of a seasalt type jersey top and trousers.
I haven’t changed my hair or make up in years (shoulder length with a fringe) and I just look tired and worried all the time!
What can I do Style Gurus! I’m not ready to be frumpy!

I dont think age should ever be a boundary for what you wear....it really has to be one of the most meaningless and arbitrary ones you could pick.
I mean I was a size 24 in my 30s and am now a size 10 in my 50s. Obviously I think I look better now!

I agree for a bright one but as a dark haired blue eyed pale skinned Celt aka a dramatic winter it doesn't work for me as I need the contrast.

Avoid Next, Seasalt, Fatface, Joules etc.

Look at people when out and about. What looks do you like?

I have never worn sportswear as daily wear.

Read fashion pages. Take a small risk once a month and wear something you would not normally buy. Maybe from Vinted.

I am 54 and feel in no way frumpy. My style is constantly evolving. I don’t dress like I did when I was 18, but I still find new things to wear with each year.

F

What kind of sandals would you suggest, I used to wear wedges but most seem to be really thick and clumpy now.

Skirts and dresses are another issue, in the summer I can’t wear knee length due to varicose veins 🙄
And no fringe? I’m worried I look so harsh without it!

I think a dramatic winter can go grey very successfully if eyebrows and lashes are kept dark, possibly with dramatic red or pink lipstick as well.

It is not just buying stuff for the real you and not the fantasy you, but thinking what if anything you want to communicate with your outfit choices. Rita's style essences has helped me a great deal to understand why I like what I like and why what suits me does.

I hate Sketchers. I don't even think they are comfortable - I find the soles quite thin and the toe box quite shallow. There are much nicer, cooler and more comfortable trainers around.
Try New Balance or Adidas, or Fitflops ( ultimate in comfort as far as the soles are concerned).

But that could be said for any item of clothing.

I’m going to return to my outfit theme. Today I am doing stuff in the garden so am embracing frumpdom. I’m wearing 7/8 length jeans with loafers and look terrible. The same jeans look perfectly acceptable with Birkenstocks or trainers and my loafers look smart with cigarette trousers & a blazer for work. Together they look like I have given up.

I think one of the reasons frumpiness finds us as we age is that you can’t get away with stuff as you age. When I was in my 20s/30’s and I needed a pint of milk, I could add a coat to whatever I was wearing and I’d be good to go. Now I have to take more care to avoid looking like a mad bag lady.

I’m going to respectfully disagree about trainers looking less frumpy as one ages.

I have given up wearing them because as my shape has changed post-menopause, and I have more norkage, and my posture isn’t as good, I find they make me look too heavy and flat-footed. Of course many slender middle-aged women can carry them off.

A bit of a wedge under the arches of the foot can lift your posture though. I think a lot of middle-aged women in France and Italy get this right by wearing a combination of more loafer-like-trainer-shoes with built up wedge support, made of leather and suede.

I think I look passable in casual clothes but resemble an elderly aunt if I try dressing up

Agree. I am a dramatic winter, eyebrows are still dark and I wear bright pink or red lipstick. My hair is quite silvery now so looks pretty decent imo.

😂😂😂

Are you me?

Same, by next year I will probably a dead spit for miss Marple! 😂

For me, non-frumpiness is nothing to do with brand or style, it's about attitude. There are older women in my writing group who rock all the "wrong" things... tunics, scarves, colour, dresses with trainers, coloured footwear... Fatface, Seasalt and whoever else we're supposed to turn our noses up at. These women are all shapes and sizes and they look fab, because they're animated and honest and comfortable in their skin.

What looks frumpy to me is someone trying to keep up with 30- and 40somethings, and failing because a lot of fashion is uncompromising and uncomfortable, and deliberately so, because it's how younger generations distinguish themselves from older ones.

For example, I've always loved jersey widelegs (they're not a new invention!) but my changing body shape - by which I mean drooping! - means I can only wear them with tops that cover, or at least don't emphasize, crotch, tum and bum. Moreover, the 'neat fitted top' you're supposed to wear with widelegs is generally not a great look on post-meno boobs.

I've just been listening to an interview on Woman's Hour about 'women designing for women', as women have become Design Directors at Whistles, Uniqlo and M&S. There was predictable stuff about how they understand what women want, and isn't it great that before, women were condemned to frumpy clothes when 'they' (curiously the interviewees never referred to 'we') got older, whereas now they can wear the same clothes as their teenage daughters.

To which I thought, no, not buying it. There are a hundred reasons why I don't want to wear clothes designed for much younger women. I'm sure that somewhere out there is a brand that's designed to flatter older bodies, and doesn't cost a fortune like Hobbs, Whistles etc. (The idea that older women have wads of cash to spend on clothes is convenient for retailers and their promoters, but hardly reflects the 'real lives of women' they claim to know so well.)

Anyway, if anyone's found such a unicorn please let me know! Meanwhile I'll bash on with making what I think/hope are judicious choices from the likes of Seasalt, M&S and H&M, treading that fine line between fashion, comfort and not scaring the horses.

Decent haircut in a London (or BIG city) salon. I know this makes me sound like a massive nightmare snob but provincial hairdressers do provincial cut and colour. You can tell.

I love a fringe so 💇I’d say keep that. No need for Botox with a fringe!

‘Get your colours done’ sounds so 1980s but it really is useful to know what suits you best.

I dont see anything wrong with a fringe either. They can look really great (Id rather have mine then acres of shiny forehead!😄).

Im with you on the varicose vein issue though. I stick with midaxi or maxi lengths when its really hot.

I think very few people can carry off a fringe! It can be done well of course. But it’s a tough one to get right!

My ‘glow up your best phase of life style’ would need the equivalent to Warehouse and Kookai! Where are they?!
Please don’t say Cos and Other Stories as my budget is whatever’s left after the teens have had their Urban/Hollister/trainer allowance…
Although I’m hoping TopShop’s return has something for me. I feel like they owe me 😂

It makes you sound a bit silly 😂

Ah, I sympathise, on the varicose vein: on my calf, with venous eczema, and, I have tried to grow out a fringe: I used to get compliments when I had been to the hairdresser, they died when I tried to grow out a fringe then returned once it was cut back in. My face needs a fringe!
I did try looking at YouTube videos for ideas (I am on my 60s), some good, but a lot saying 'get rid of floral/pattern, but, my body shape is 'column' (as described by Trinny and Suzanna), and plain or striped make me look like a bollard freshly painted.
It can seem like hard work, I can see why people go to personal stylers, though according to some they can have their own agenda rather than looking at the person to see what suits them.
Good luck! Stand up straight is the best advice I have!

@JMAngel1 please can you tell me where you got your blazers from? They sound really nice. Thanks 😊

That was a classic comment. Still laugh about it now.