Help! Sudden realisation that I am frumpy!

[EnfysDilys]

Oh Lord, I need some style advice!
I was waiting at the checkout in Next earlier, and had this sudden realisation that I’m 50 and frumpy!
I seem to be wearing the ‘slightly overweight in my 50’s’ uniform of a seasalt type jersey top and trousers.
I haven’t changed my hair or make up in years (shoulder length with a fringe) and I just look tired and worried all the time!
What can I do Style Gurus! I’m not ready to be frumpy!

I don't think the poster necessarily meant 'your younger days' (although I know that was my first thought). She said the time when 'you felt most you'. I think for me, that would be my early-mid thirties rather than my teens.

I love the back to teenage years comment, I was very into rockabilly/psycobilly music and was just thinking how much I’m loving the Gingham that’s everywhere at the moment, Doc/Flatform sandals and a gingham dress is my summer staple.

Have a big clear out, get rid of anything that you don’t love. Once you’ve got less in your wardrobe and only things you love you’ll be able to see new combinations much more easily

Be honest about your life, what scenarios do you usually live in - don’t be spending money on fancy clothes to go out if 80% of your life is WFH and dog walking spend the money on the best casual looks that make you feel great.

You have to want to put some time in to choosing how you look - whether that’s clothes, gym or beauty - it all takes a degree of time to get right/working for you. I think lots of people lose their way when life is busy, so take some time for yourself and if it makes you happy spend that time working this stuff out so it feels right for you. (BTW if something else is more important for your time then that’s ok too. I’ve a friend who wanted to feel better about her appearance but really can’t be arsed - she shops twice a year, has capsule wardrobes, low maintenance beauty/hair etc. She invested a lot of time a few years back so now she never has to - instead she does stuff she loves and fair play to her)

On this thread we have everything from eating well and exercising to inject yourself with everything going.
Priceless!

A pp raised the point about not slumping - I think that is so important and often overlooked when it comes to “frumpiness” (however you want to define that concept. The same outfit can look very different if you stand properly, don’t slouch etc.

I agree with glow up of your favourite years. I’m still a 90s kid at heart but have more money so it’s perfect, you can splurge on great jeans / trainers or whatever your style is.

also - yoga. Crucial. and if you can afford it get a really good cut and colour.

Can anyone be more specific about what shoes and trainers are not frumpy? I'm stuck between not wanting to look frumpy, and not wanting to look like I'm trying too hard to be fashionable. I am happy to look like a 47yr old, I don't want to copy teenage looks but I don't think I'm getting it right.

I mainly stick with high and low top trainers. They are pretty much a classic and so I dont have to worry about wether they are frumpy or trendy!
(I really dont like the hatred of 'comfortable' shoes though. Some people have health reasons for needing supportive shoes. Some days I like to walk 5-6 miles and I would pick very different shoes those days, even if Im dressing up abit).

For casual: Sheepskin Birkenstocks, also closed toe Birkenstock clogs. Black plain non ‘flatform’ teva’s. Trainers; addidas (leopard print ones are very cool)

for autumn; best ever boots are blundstone - but no ‘funky’ ‘fun’ colour on the side elastic.

all of the above are very comfortable and supportive!

Only go grey if you suit grey hair. I’m an autumn and I’m 43 - I’ll never be going grey…. If you’re a winter/summer you can embrace it…

There is no excuse for frumpyness ;)

Not all winters can go grey. If you are a dramatic winter with dark hair and pale skin grey leaves you very washed out (as does trying to hide it by going blond).

Yes this happened to me about 20 minutes ago. Walked past a big mirror in Superdrug- urgh.
I think my clothes are fine actually it’s my stomach and posture that are the problems.

For some of us the glow up would be going back to bubble perms, ra-ra skirts & Frankie says relax T-shirts. I’m not sure the world is ready for me to bring that back! I’m also going to defend Next who sell a huge range of other brands and my sketchers air-max aren’t going anywhere.

But I do agree that it’s easy to fall into frumpdom after a certain age. I’m currently struggling to find my look with a more relaxed dress code at work and weather that can’t make its mind up.

I agree that colour and shape is important. You need to dress to suit you within any current trends and I think it helps to plan whole outfits, not just think what top shall I wear with my jeans today. I study other people all the time. When I see someone who is dressed well or badly, I try to work out what makes it so. I don’t think pattern is always a complete no, but when you look at how well dressed people wear pattern, it’s nearly always with plain, often matching accompaniments.

I think you can once past the ‘salt & pepper‘ stage. Once bright silvery white this would work for a bright winter.

I wish now I hadn’t made that quip about hotpants because actually my real glow up outfit would be a dress from Warehouse that I used to wear with a 1940s jacket in the early 90s when I was in my mid 30s.

It wasn’t even a particularly easy or happy time of life for me but, whenever I wore that outfit, I felt I could take on the world. I’ve kept it, not because I’m ever likely to wear it again (the jacket would still be wearable but I trashed it) but because I use it as a kind of benchmark to measure against other outfits and because I hope that one day, I’ll figure out what it had that made me feel so good.

I like axel arigato trainers. Look on net a porter for brands / styles.

This is me 😭 I have really struggled with the greying process; dyed it for ages which in retrospect was way too harsh and looked terrible (and always ended up orangey). Then I got talked into balayage which was really well done but didn’t suit me at ALL (honey colours). Now I have ended up with some lowlights which I think is the best solution - they’re very subtle so you don’t notice them and they grow out unnoticeably but they add a bit of depth/darkness back in.

Funnily enough I am sitting on a train and the (female) ticket inspector just said to me how great my outfit is from top till toe including haircut and non-dyed hair (as she saw it). I nearly burst into tears and said you have no idea how unexpected that is and how happy you’ve made me because every day I feel self-conscious and shit and haggard and ugly and frumpy. So there you go. (Also I had my hair cut last week and it’s a shorter bob than I wanted and I was feeling very Fleabag/‘it’s French’)

What's wrong with tunics, and what would you suggest as an alternative?

What’s wrong with tunics?

You might as well wear a huge placard that declares

I don’t think I’m pretty enough to wear a dress, and I’m not cool or thin enough for proper separates - so I’ve just thrown this thing on. (With my trusty leggings.) Please Don’t Look At Me.

(This obviously doesn’t apply to tunics designed by people who intend clothes to look fabulous. Just the nasty, ‘make me invisible’ sort.)

Yes! Catching sight of herself in her new leather trousers 😂

On the same thread there was someone who’d gone for a change of hairstyle and a bit of a perm, and as she came back through the front door her husband said ‘fuck me, it’s Colonel Gadaffi’ - absolutely cracked me up.

I think a sudden drastic change can be a bit risky, but it’s more, as someone else said, about tapping into your all-time favourite clothes; stuff that made you feel most like yourself. And you need to embrace a different colour palette as you age and your hair and skin tone change - black can be deadly, even if it’s always suited you.

Lots of people place weird imaginary boundaries around what they can and can’t wear as they get older, which can drastically reduce the options available to you and actually prevent you discovering new shapes and styles.

My first stop, OP, would be to search through the dozens of 50+ style vlogs and insta accounts. There are loads of stylish women looking great and giving excellent advice, so just find the ones that most resonate with you and start trying a few things.

Also, if you can afford it, someone was on here the other day raving about a personal styling service, and how it had totally changed her wardrobe and given her a huge confidence boost.

Lots of people place weird imaginary boundaries around what they can and can’t wear as they get older

search through the dozens of 50+ style vlogs and insta accounts

🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔

What does being pretty or not got to do with it? Tunics aren't worn over the face, unless I am really doing this S&B malarkey wrong.

How do you tell the difference?

No - it’s not whether the person is pretty. (That’s obviously irrelevant.) It’s that wearing an ugly, unstylish tunic proclaims to the world that the person wearing it does not think they are worthy of nicer clothes.