38 and done with dye, growing out my grey hair

[BoogalooBoo]

I'm 38 and I've finally decided to let my natural grey hair grow out and stop dying it. I was naturally dark brown but for about 10 years the badger stripes have been getting wider and wider and now my roots are an even mix of salt and pepper. I've always dyed my hair back to brown either myself or at the hairdressers, but this time I just can't be bothered!
Been thinking about growing it out for years but always give in after an inch of white/grey/brown roots grow back. The regrowth is now at 2 inches and looks awful (a mix of light brown highlights in a clear line, natural brown and white and grey) but I'm hoping to hold my nerve this time... I'm excited and feel a bit defiant(?) I feel like I need a sign saying 'don't worry, it's deliberate, I haven't let myself go'.
Has anyone else grown out their greys in their 30s? Did you just go cold turkey or get highlights, or cut your hair short to speed it up? How long did it take?
Feels like the start of a long journey...!

I had warm highlights, balayage, for a few years but the game changer for me was a different colourist who suggested a mix of cold toned colours. Platinum blonde, mid brown - front and crown.
They looked great and it's been easy to grow out to my natural colour.
My hair is naturally dark brown but my fringe and sides at the front are nearly all pale grey now. It looks pretty good. I'm mid 50's.
I think natural grey/white on a younger face can look really striking. Get a good defined haircut though.

I think a lot of it comes down to whether you actually embrace it or think you’re embracing it. I’ve had a few people say they were going to but then you could see they felt older about it and when they finally gave in and dyed they were all smiles and happy out. The people I know who did actually embrace it love it and look natural with it simply because they’re happy (although, and this helps nobody on the fence, they look stunning with it and they all have greyed very nicely!)

I'm late forties and about 15 months into growing it out. I have shoulder length wavy hair, I'm probably about half way through. My sister in law and my friend are my inspirations. They've done it and it looks great. I'm in Ireland and I'm noticing more and more women also doing it, now that I am.

The first few inches are the worst as it may still look like you still haven't got around to doing your colour. But then it becomes long enough that it's clear it's a choice, and I think by the time it's down to your cheek bones it's the main colour around your face.

Be prepared to not be as grey as you think once it grows out. Also be prepared for patchiness, e.g. I'm much greyer if I part on the right than on the left. But I am so happy not to spend time and money on colour. I'm excited to see how it looks once it's fully done. I've also stopped wearing make up (must be a mid life crisis!). I'm basically dropping the things that no longer serve me.

I'd say give it a go, you can always go back to dying if it gets too much. There's loads of online inspo, and who cares about looking older. We are who we are and lucky to be here on the earth with our life experience visible whether on our hair, our face, our hands, etc.

I’m mid 30s and recently found my first few grey hairs so I rang up the hairdressers and cancelled my next colour appointment but kept the cut.

I always told myself that when the greys came I’d try my best to embrace them because I can’t be arsed with dying my hair every 4wks to keep up with the grey growth. My hair is currently dyed brown and a couple of shades darker than my natural colour so obviously my roots will eventually be noticeable as it grows out but it won’t be anywhere near as bad as it would look if I let myself get really grey and then tried to grow it out. I’d rather get a head start now.

I don’t want to spend decades feeling like I NEED to dye my hair to cover my grey growth, currently dye is a choice. Just about every woman I know dyes their hair and complains about how frequently they need to do it because of the grey and I don’t want that to be me.

Why aren’t women allowed to look their age? Why doesn’t anybody think men need to be colouring their hair to look younger? It acceptable for them to go grey. I find it really irritating tbh.

I’m also trying to decide.
I would be completely grey / white.
I think , for me , the ones you see on Instagram always have their hair and make up done.
I don’t always straighten my hair then it’s a frizzy mess , I don’t always wear make up.
I’m worried about looking haggard on days I’m not ‘done’ eg just popping to the corner shop.
Also my hair is long and I like it , I don’t want a bob or a pixie cut.

Have you thought about grey blending? It's getting more popular to help with the transition stage. I've got a consultation in a few weeks for mine – I'm 52, have been dye-free since September and while I love the silver streaks coming in, I've got horrible box colour ombre going on below the demarcation line and grey blending should help with that.

I’m 44 and doing this now. I’ve actually made an appointment to have the bottom parts of my hair dyed / blended in with the top grey part. The hairdresser was shocked I wanted to embrace the grey and make it more grey, she said most women still want to get rid of it. I think silver hair / white hair (which is what mine is turning into) is really pretty. I don’t care about looking young. Being young is totally overrated. I think older looking women can be so elegant, sexy, wise looking and powerful looking. Maybe that’s just ageism in reverse but I’m honestly so sick of people writing off women over 45 ish because they don’t fit the stereotype of being youthful. Who gives a fuck!

I’ve done grey blending and it’s fab. I have fools out in about once every 4 months, using 3 different shades. It completely gets rid of the “badger strip”!

I did this at 43, now 49 and I’m so glad I did. I love it. Ignore the ageing comments - only you can decide whether it feels good for you. I’ve commented before on lots of these threads and I don’t think I look older than my age. Give it a try - you can always go back to the dye if you want to.

@BoogalooBoo The only question I would have is at 38 do you really have enough grey hair to look uniform? Or is this going to be half of it is grey and the other half your brown colour? I only ask because I have seen the whole grey look and it works (my mum suits that look) but… it’s really all grey not a mixed colour. Something to consider

I’m a similar age and have not dyed my hair since 2019. My hair isn’t uniformly grey or proper salt and pepper but it looks fine. I have had some negative comments (all from regular salon-goers) but I refuse to go back to being a hair dye slave! I would be dyeing it every two weeks I reckon to cover the grey - I don’t have time or the inclination any more, especially to conform to let’s face it misogynistic beauty standards. If men can be silver foxes with grey hair, why are women told they look old or unkempt?! Plus a lot of people make a huge amount of money from pushing this narrative.

Exactly! Misogynistic double standards as usual. I can’t dye due to allergies now so if it did make me look older, it’s tough anyway!

I've got my request to join silver sisters submitted!
My natural colour now is mixed with white stripes at the temples like a badger (which make me look bald!) And a 50/50 mix over the rest of my head of brown and white. Tbh the natural brown is more of a darker grey. It's the dye line making it look bad, not my natural colour!
I've never heard of grey blending, but my hairdresser was very supportive the last time I got my highlights done which is why she made them lighter. I think I need to get back in to see about getting babylights on my parting. Just to disguise the dye line.
Thank you for sharing experiences on here, it's very helpful to read what age, stage and rage we attach to our hair! 😁

So I'm growing out my (dark brown) hair dye due to a patch test reaction last year. I've been dithering about getting a hair colourist to do highlights, low lights etc and had a consultation and a patch test which was fine. But I still don't know what I think. I have a short bob and it's now mostly white and people have been complimentary (or maybe they are just being kind? 🤔).

Anyway. I'm tons older than you op (57). On my many thoughts about this I've kept returning to the fact that very few men dye their grey hair darker as far as I can tell. So is it that women feel pressured to look young or that men would like to dye their hair but worry it's culturally less acceptable?

OP you might think grey hair looks awful on you but I BET it's not actually grey HAIR but grey roots that look bad. I grew out my grey at 40. I look older than when it was freshly dyed but a lot younger than I did with 3 weeks of regrowth!
I always used to look a lot younger than my age (apparently) for example would get ID'd often into my early 30s. Now Im not sure really. If people see me from the back they probably think I'm older than I am, but most of my colleagues are much younger than I am and whenever my age (47 now) has come up theyve all been shocked and said they thought I was younger.
I do dress fairly young - not tarty obviously, but trendy - and I have curly hair which strangely seems to look younger - I used to straighten but don't bother with that any more - I also have (discreet) piercings and a couple of tattoos which maybe gives the impression I'm younger?
But I love it. It's so freeing. And I feel like I'm making a bit of a feminist statement (even though I'm not really, I'm just lazy 😆)
I also think the people who seem to have an issue with stopping with the dye tend to be women who are older than me. I don't really know why. I think being younger in a different era maybe?
And my husband loves it.
The only occasion I could envision where I might be a teeny bit self conscious about it is at a job interview when I'm aware first impressions count. I'm a bit scared of the potential hiring ageism.
But honestly it's just hair. Try it. If you hate it you can just dye it back again 😁 I bet you don't though!

I think since you’re sometimes on TV professionally it is a good idea to do highlights or blending until you get past that straight line/stark difference. I’m less than 10% grey and I used to do henna, but now I use pink manic panic every few months. I like that it tints things a but pink without damaging or hiding my hair. Like a tinted moisturizer instead of foundation.

I'm in Ireland and know loads of people with grey hair, all 40s and up but beautiful and strong women.

Well just to be contrary I’m 72 and still got my original blonde hair colour and have never dyed it - very strange

I did this 10 years ago in my mid 30s. I found my first grey at 21 but I am going grey actually quite slowly. I was fed up of seeing white roots glinting through just a couple of weeks after expensive dyeing. I’ve saved time and money at the hairdresser and my hair is in much better condition. Got a couple of badger stripes by ears and lots of white hairs on top. But I like it and if I style it neatly I think it looks good. Go for it!

edit - forgot to say I started with baylage and grew it out by hairdresser adding a few bits every now and then to blend it.

I’m about 70% grey now and I dye mine. Regularly. It’s about what’s important to you and how you want to present yourself to the world. What will make YOU feel good. Beware though, people find grey hair is wirey and coarse due to having no pigment. Once you introduce colour that wireyness disappears . So to dye hair isn’t all bad and can actually do your hair a favour.

Just a little update. I went to my hairdresser last week and he has done a nice job of 'grey blending' by doing lots of babylights in quite a bright almost white colour and redoing my natural medium brown on the rest. So it's now all a lovely mix. He told me to let it grow out now for at least 6 months to really kick start the process! I've had lots of compliments and my face looks brighter and less red (I have pale freckly skin which goes quite red in the shower and takes ages to calm down). Anywho, hopefully this gives others an idea if they want start! And thank you for the grey blending idea, my hairdresser knew exactly what I was on about!

Oh I would love to grow out my greys, I'm so fed up spending money every 4 weeks getting my roots done. I might try the grey blending, it's seems to be a less daunting prospect than going cold turkey.

Op, I think grey hair looks beautiful. It often stands out and looks striking when it looks deliberate and not accidental - as in, ‘Ive stopped caring how I look, gone grey and let myself go’. So, I think if you can somehow make it your own and blend it with your style - so a good haircut and finding a new way of wearing colour. Whether that’s a lipstick/scarf/brighter piece of clothing and just finding a way to style yourself.

This is literally me! See if you can get a hairdresser on board with you to make you feel more confident